27.9.9
(Jeanie is talking to herself in a low and gloomy voice)
What am I doing??... I know the path is painful but still I am progressing on it… its going to cost me a lot… I have never suffered like this .. perhaps because I was the one who walked out of each relationship but this time… ohh… its even painful to think about this.. no I will stop talking to him… but its not a solution, is it?? Then what I am supposed to do… I can’t bear to see him marrying someone else…but why ? I don’t love him nor does he… is he more wiser and honest than me just because he knows what he wants and what he doesn’t … Am I so stupid to take everything so seriously? … Didn’t I know everything when it started? Know… but what?? .. that we are no match??? No, we are a match. Then what?… know that we are not in love? Yes I knew this and also that we can never be together because our worlds are very different… ohh… why do I think a lot but I don’t want to… I am not thinking … I think it is what they call in literature – Stream of Consciousness…
Ah ! whatever ! hmm… what I will do is…Yes! I will stop thinking about him in That Way. And yeah he is only a good friend .. a co-traveler … we have to part soon. May be I will meet someone else when he is married… May be I will soon learn to detach from someone (easily)… May be God has other plans… Yeah ! Who knows this suffering will bring something with it – like a new lesson – or a gift ? I am ready to experience it ! yeah but with some prudence . I won’t allow my heart to feel what it yearns to feel I will just feed my brain with what it wants. I will be practical.
……( I am relaxed! I am relaxed ! I want to sleep! I want to sleep! …. I am sleeping yes I am watching a dream .. its so beautiful … I am sleeping)….
Jeanie .. Jeanie.. wake up darling! Its already eight o’clock. Common get up. See I have made a delicious coffee and breakfast for you. Jeanie ! wake up baby … ( Casper starts kissing her still sleepy eyes then cheeks then he covers whole face with kisses… he whispers in her ears ohhh you sleep like an angel.. my angel! )
( While he is showering kisses , Jeanie is awake but does not want to break her dream which she is watching , which she watches often – a dream, which she always wanted to be a reality… in her dream she was now sitting with Casper in the backyard of their old beach house , sipping coffee and talking about philosophy, spirituality, psychology… the dream could still be true except one thing that they are not married… and she knows that her dream would never come true)
Jeanie opens her eyes , discreetly prays to God that everything be alright and then hugs Casper…
(Jeanie is talking to herself in a low and gloomy voice)
What am I doing??... I know the path is painful but still I am progressing on it… its going to cost me a lot… I have never suffered like this .. perhaps because I was the one who walked out of each relationship but this time… ohh… its even painful to think about this.. no I will stop talking to him… but its not a solution, is it?? Then what I am supposed to do… I can’t bear to see him marrying someone else…but why ? I don’t love him nor does he… is he more wiser and honest than me just because he knows what he wants and what he doesn’t … Am I so stupid to take everything so seriously? … Didn’t I know everything when it started? Know… but what?? .. that we are no match??? No, we are a match. Then what?… know that we are not in love? Yes I knew this and also that we can never be together because our worlds are very different… ohh… why do I think a lot but I don’t want to… I am not thinking … I think it is what they call in literature – Stream of Consciousness…
Ah ! whatever ! hmm… what I will do is…Yes! I will stop thinking about him in That Way. And yeah he is only a good friend .. a co-traveler … we have to part soon. May be I will meet someone else when he is married… May be I will soon learn to detach from someone (easily)… May be God has other plans… Yeah ! Who knows this suffering will bring something with it – like a new lesson – or a gift ? I am ready to experience it ! yeah but with some prudence . I won’t allow my heart to feel what it yearns to feel I will just feed my brain with what it wants. I will be practical.
……( I am relaxed! I am relaxed ! I want to sleep! I want to sleep! …. I am sleeping yes I am watching a dream .. its so beautiful … I am sleeping)….
Jeanie .. Jeanie.. wake up darling! Its already eight o’clock. Common get up. See I have made a delicious coffee and breakfast for you. Jeanie ! wake up baby … ( Casper starts kissing her still sleepy eyes then cheeks then he covers whole face with kisses… he whispers in her ears ohhh you sleep like an angel.. my angel! )
( While he is showering kisses , Jeanie is awake but does not want to break her dream which she is watching , which she watches often – a dream, which she always wanted to be a reality… in her dream she was now sitting with Casper in the backyard of their old beach house , sipping coffee and talking about philosophy, spirituality, psychology… the dream could still be true except one thing that they are not married… and she knows that her dream would never come true)
Jeanie opens her eyes , discreetly prays to God that everything be alright and then hugs Casper…
Comments