Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

I have been lying a lot to myself from past few months. I have been lying about marriage thing. I don't want to get married so early. I don't want to get married to anyone who is presently in my life. And yes, appearance does matter. Gosh! I have been lying so much... I just woke up today and realized, I cared less about "what I think" and always worried about "what could make others happy" ... I have been also lying to myself about career thing. I am not a job or business type. I am a traveler , who had been always traveling in her mind. I am a dreamer, give me any empty place, i will paint it with my dreams. I can just go on n on n on without stopping anywhere for more than a couple of moments, no matter how much I fall in love with the place... the day I stop anywhere, you know, I have really fallen in :) Love!

What was that animal, who , at the sight of a little gleam, would again hide into its shell?  So was it last night's dream? When the only name rang in my ear was of Irom Sharmila? And I woke up perspiring, wondering why her name is echoing in my secret chambers of sleep? No one can enter here easily, without having a relation to my unconscious, without having a strong tie to my past or irresistible desires... There is a girl, who was a rebel. There is a girl, who was self-centered. There is a girl, who believed in super-natural powers. There is a girl who refused the present life and believed in an after-life. There is a girl, who became dreamy. Inclined towards Journalism. There is a girl, who then turned to home. Celebrated the pious simple life of love and care. There is a girl, who became Spiritual. Yearned for a spiritual life and solitude. There is a girl who at the brink of 'Spiritual Escape' faced a harsh wind of Social Reality. There is a girl, who stands at t...

-Love -Escape -Love -Resistance -Love -Hatred -Patience -Resistance -Friendship -Friendship -Feelings -Resistance -Care -Resistance -Patience -losing -Patience -lost -Won -won. 

I have realized this lately , and can only utter now when I am half-awake , half-asleep. No one knows anyone here , in this world. My parents could not know each other. I don't know my brother , my sister , my friends. They all seem to me to be belonging to an unknown island. No one knows any one here... and when you think you have known someone , that person will be so generous to remind you that you are wrong. I s---- , this world is full of generous people.  This is not a fairy's world. Not everything goes as you had dreamed. But still dreams are the stars of my eyes , and I can't afford losing them. They are all I have , they are only what is mine. 

I decided to sit for meditation rather than to sleep. As I closed my eyes... I felt peace knocking swiftly the door of my heart. I was with myself. And I felt it too strongly. I saw a vision... of green meadows and leafless trees... I felt a chill wind on my body too ... but while feeling all this my mind had not stopped thinking over it... over every problem which had pierced my heart. And slowly the present source of sadness took me to my past mistakes. Every present infliction had its root somewhere in the past. It is a depressing fact but not so much when I looked at its other part -my future happiness in this way is in my hand. And at this moment I saw a rose and breathed its fragrance. 

Sometimes when you wake up in the morning , the dream of night lingers inside you. It leaves a distinct feeling around you. While you forget the dream itself , it wraps you , assures you and walk with you like your shadow. Sometimes even dreams can be the best friends. Solving your problem , lessening your burden in their own unique way. They purge you ,cleaning your soul in the most delicate and sweet manner...

I love you ? No. I hate you? No. Actually I pity you. You are the most unfortunate of the men I have ever met. Who is fortunate enough to find love and friendship at one time and lose it before time. You are like that flea who had gone to the Light and come back to report about it. Who could not destroy herself (ego) in order to become one with the Light.