Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

Doesn't it happen with you? Like... when life is going all fine, all of a sudden, you stop feel anything about it. No future comes to your mind, no past lingers , no present stirs anything in you...I mean as if the wheels have stopped... all noise shun away... images pass by but no voice come from inside... a quietness sweep all over... a long long sleep... everything forgotten .... living in subconscious state... S.J. asked herself what it is? why it is Now? She asked herself again, Practicing stillness? No. Force stop to Thinking? No. Want to die? Not actually. May be waiting someone/something to throw a stone to create ripples. S.J. looked around, to see what she sees...

S.J. couldn't stop laughing when Ree (an old friend from an old school) told her why they were actually Like-minded (because both felt Same in the Same situations.) Ree was sharing her mixed experiences after marriage.  S.J. asked playfully , " Is it tough Ree?" "As unexpected, yes it is," gravely Ree replied. "Oh... what bothers you dear."  " I don't know. It feels like Life has come to an end. I am not living for myself. All dreams have shed. I have totally changed. I care less, I live less, I dream nothing. I am in comma I guess."  "Oh stop it. Look ! You are not changed. You have just grown up. Like after passing School , you have jumped into the college. That may be different, weird at times, but its not actually bad. " S.J. saw Ree was not convinced, she was lost. For a second, in a  flashback moment,  S.J. recalled how she had cope up with her own changed situations after marriage. May be every girl goes thro...

"One thing you always miss?" Her dear friend asked S.J. , when they met after a long time. " A dream." "And what is that?" " It includes everything I don't have." "oh...you always talk in codes...could you explain that? "Of course...I want to ... the dream includes...me from the past...and he ...and freedom... a world with no rules... unusual talents... spirit..purpose ." " well ... i get all but what is 'me from the past' ? "I was not S.J. always.... long ago I was so innocent with a darkness always lingering upon but I was still innocent ... I was then called, Jennie.  I miss her, you can't imagine how much I miss being called Jennie, with love. Anyways, I have come so far. I have chosen a different destiny. In fact, sometimes I feel I have become someone other than S.J. " "hey...what are you talking about ? Are you even in your senses?" "...yeah...yeah I am. I am not S.J.n...

S.J. woke up early today. While waiting for the Sun to rise, she looked into her heart. Is it like yesterday inside there? Is she restless? depressed? sad? Is there any black out? No. The light was peeping in through all the little holes she had made by "enlightening thoughts". The thoughts and ideas of Great Masters who lived or still living on this earth. Messihas eh? A smile appeared at the corner of her lips, she said to herself, " The great teachers of our world, are they any different from us? Like, eight legs and twelve hands? Or with super powers which can create many universes? Were they always like how they appear now? ... "  S.J. knew the answers to all her questions, she said, " No. They are no different than us. It is just that, they listened the voice of their hearts more often and more clearly than us. That they were also broken and hurt and lived in the middle of chaos, disturbed mind and perturbed soul but they never wavered from their faith ...

"It is always the Nightmare, after a Happy Dream, isn't it mom?" "No, nothing is always alike. It depends on you." "Then why I always choose that?" "Because you are an unhappy child, (like your  mother.)"

After that terrible feeling had subsided, and S.J. had become as comfortable as she could speak to herself about it, and she spoke these words , “I want to tell you something. Today I experienced it again, although for a fraction of second but I did it and I got to know why it happened to me in my childhood. It happened because I was terribly lonely. And it happened today because … I was lonely. I hear voices when I am lonely. They tell me they are lonely too. They tell me they want to talk to me. I know it is fake, it is made-up in my mind but I still believe it, I believe they exist and talk to me, because I am lonely, and I want to hear them myself. I can’t tell you, how lonely I have been in my life. And you can never know how lonely it is to stay alone inside four walls for a long long time… or probably you know that too… but you don’t know what it has done to me, what all it has taken from me … and that… you will only know after I am gone for the good.”  [ There was a ...

"I love the strange nights." Those were the first words of S.J. in the morning. Sheena said sleepily, " I know... you love them...even those that scares me to death." "Yeah... I just love anything that breaks the chain of sameness." Saying this S.J. went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea, yes, that's how she celebrates every good thing in her life or thought in her mind, by drinking tea. While the pan was on the stove, S.J. uttered the Morning Glory Words loudly, " I am great, greater than this world, greater than this Life, I am something Divine, Pure, Beautiful... though last night I was a bit stupid, but that's okay, I allow myself to be stupid sometimes, ohh...life would be so boring without stupidity you see...(here, S.J. winked wickedly) oh..how  hot I look with open hairs... I am going to look hot today. And... Yes... I want to tell you something this morning. Don't let it grow inside you. You are a sweetheart. When ever you a...

"No ! you tell me one thing. Why do you live? Why do you earn? Why do you keep going on? What is that thing, which asks you to take a breath or look at the sun in the morning? No, tell me what it is." " Are you serious? Why do you ask that?" " because...because I have come to feel... you have forgotten our first promise. " "What's that now?" " To live, to live... it is to L-I-V-E... and are we alive?" "Aren't we?" "Yes, a little bit. "   S.J. looked away, with looking away, she looked back in time. She was standing at the crossroads and had just dropped the idea of going for a meeting. For a moment, she had wondered, where to go. And then she was reminded of Alice of Wonderland, and her dilemma, and the wisdom she had received. She could go anywhere, if she didn't know, where to go. Yes, anywhere, she could go.  "I want to go.", S. was herself surprised at her firm voice. ...