Skip to main content

S.J. - its lonely out there, and inside too...

After that terrible feeling had subsided, and S.J. had become as comfortable as she could speak to herself about it, and she spoke these words , “I want to tell you something. Today I experienced it again, although for a fraction of second but I did it and I got to know why it happened to me in my childhood. It happened because I was terribly lonely. And it happened today because … I was lonely. I hear voices when I am lonely. They tell me they are lonely too. They tell me they want to talk to me. I know it is fake, it is made-up in my mind but I still believe it, I believe they exist and talk to me, because I am lonely, and I want to hear them myself. I can’t tell you, how lonely I have been in my life. And you can never know how lonely it is to stay alone inside four walls for a long long time… or probably you know that too… but you don’t know what it has done to me, what all it has taken from me … and that… you will only know after I am gone for the good.” 

[ There was a time when she would call up her friends and tell them every little detail of how her day passed, and how she could not sleep in the night because she didn’t feel alright. Even at that time, she hated her habit of speaking out everything. But she couldn’t help. All she did was, to dream, to visualize about a time when she will stop letting out her heart’s secrets, her deepest feelings. She dreamed about a time when no one would come to know what actually she feels. She will be there in body, but float away in spirit, she will learn the art of transcending the world for few moments and then she would come back , again adjusting to her life. She will never  (wont able to) speak,  how she feels. 


vibhu VS said…
Loneliness is what one feels but life goes on. Heart to heart we all are lonely. It's just that many of us would not accept it. At least SJ is brave enough to accept it. :)

Popular posts from this blog


The other day
you talked about
Pets and strange names
So I too found a name
For my lil kitten

I named her Guilt.

When she broadens her
Big blue eyes
As if pleading
I feel so watery
I don't want her to leave
And she finds me anyway
To play the secret games,
We both are loyal.

I am loyal to my lil Guilt.
I am!

My Krishna

When I saw
What was not given to me
I complained to you
When I saw
What was given to me
I praised you
Was I not enlightened,
When I praised you
Was I not you
When I tried to be yours
Was I not found by you
When I was lost

I am only yours
My Krishna!
I am only yours! 


Sheesham was in kitchen, counting the whistles of cooker, kneading the dough and boiling vegetable, all through she wondered why would there come days when she did not like to do anything at all.
It does happen with many people, yeah... But...
Sheesham saw her sisters, other acquaintances, elderly women...all seemed so self-satisfied. Could she be different? More self-indulgent? And one day, she was caught up with a word 'Ambitious'. She was reminded of all the heroines, fictitious and real, who were ambitious, who believed in their true worth.
That night she tried to speak to her husband. She said hesitantly, "I want to do something..." And she saw a huge, grand, leafy tree emerged, grew and grew so tall in the eyes of her husband... She closed her eyes with fear and wished earnestly not to become if to make them belittle in their eyes.
And, it's a sin to be tallest in the community of dwarfs, she told herself later.