Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

"One thing you always miss?" Her dear friend asked S.J. , when they met after a long time. " A dream." "And what is that?" " It includes everything I don't have." "oh...you always talk in codes...could you explain that? "Of course...I want to ... the dream includes...me from the past...and he ...and freedom... a world with no rules... unusual talents... spirit..purpose ." " well ... i get all but what is 'me from the past' ? "I was not S.J. always.... long ago I was so innocent with a darkness always lingering upon but I was still innocent ... I was then called, Jennie.  I miss her, you can't imagine how much I miss being called Jennie, with love. Anyways, I have come so far. I have chosen a different destiny. In fact, sometimes I feel I have become someone other than S.J. " "hey...what are you talking about ? Are you even in your senses?" "...yeah...yeah I am. I am not S.J.n

She hesitates, feels ashamed and guilty talking about her own sister. She is her dark side. what she couldn't be.  S.J. Sat in a dark room. Wondering what is that which is pinning her heart to bleeding. What kind of a dark side it is. ,"oh why do I miss her " "why do I yearn to call her, hug her, kiss her " " why my heart feels for her" " she is not that bad... All she needs is love and attention like a small child who goes mad when he does not get what he wants." "I miss her so much. The times we spent together. Shopping, eating out, spending money carelessly... Oh... How I wish I could bring back the old times... For this world is so mechanic and cruel that there so few people who care to Live who dare to Live. " 

"It has been so fast and swift. I didn't realise I have changed. A crimson mark on my forehead changed my destiny." Long ago, not much though, I knew a birdie. A small red eyed with creamy pink soft feathers. Two of them lived in a cage. After they grew up that red eyed birdie flew away, left the cage behind and flew away. The second birdie together with others cursed her, announced her doomed. But nobody heard anything about the red eyed birdie.  After a long time of this incident,  the bird who was left behind realised it was not she who left her folks  but herself doomed who was left behind the cage. S.J. Looked at the vast dark sky and sighed, "Freedom comes with a price."

I am going through a severe identity crisis. I don't know what is identity crisis but I think it is what I am facing. Though it may not be a big issue what girls go through after marriage but It Is. Let me ask a few questions in general. >:) what if one day when you wake up you find everything has changed from your parents to home to lifestyle. Everything. >:) The food preferences has been changed. How would you react when you crave day in day out to eat your favourite breakfast and lunch?? >:) And moreover, what if wearing clothes get changed to Dressing Code and Conduct. I am tired of living a life according to other's guidelines. I am really tired. You know something inside you begins to die and they say you have grown old Now coming to the point,  Identity Crisis.  I am struggling to maintain my old lifestyle together with the new one. I am trying hard not to forget what I had been, what was my favourite food,  favourite time pass, what I was enthusiastic