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Showing posts from 2011

To my Blog

You know what I want to HUG you :) >:*< you are my best friend best buddy
I dunno what would have become of me if you were not there I mean most of the times its you with whom I find comfort, care, love... Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu of course Google your parents and you :) Love you.


wind across my face

What is all around
What is within What is in your eyes which is so keen
why do i feel not who do i want to feel a long silence a long disease
He comes one day I feel the wind across my face A window half open A hope gleams in my eyes

She & Love

dats me :P

and life becomes the music...

thousand fears n midnight

To Jordon

to myself

Merry Christmas Girl !! :)

Santa came to my dreams last night? I know he did. Things happen if you want them to.

Have I grown up a lil bit? An inch? Ow dats bad. I wanna grow up. But I dont want to. There will always be a bridge between two worlds, I promise :)

I am sweet I know. Are you diabetic. Ah hope not ;)

Btw where's my present? No. I didnt get any last night. Not under my pillow. Not even in the cupboard. Ow so bad of you. You didnt buy any. You dont need to. What I want doesn't come with a price :)

i know i know i have been good but no more... you know there was a quote here it goes - "Dont make her wait for you, just because you know she will do."

I just wish you come soon.

Dont ask me , if it is for you. You know things better than me. You know me better than me. I know I am waiting for someone, someone who is just there, for me, and will come one day. And I have come to believe your words: "if they have to meet, they will meet anyhow."  My word…

To myself

There is a peculiar charm in drinking pain
Darkness has got a heart too
I am incapable of love I know
Destruction calls on few... very few.

P.S  I have got to learn to address myself. Nothing stays for long. 

bite of memory

I'm so tired of being here 
Suppressed by all my childish fears 
And if you have to leave 
I wish that you would just leave 
'Cause your presence still lingers here 
And it won't leave me alone 

These wounds won't seem to heal 
This pain is just too real 
There's just too much that time cannot erase 

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears 
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears 
And I held your hand through all of these years 
But you still have 
All of me 

You used to captivate me 
By your resonating life 
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind 
Your face it haunts 
My once pleasant dreams 
Your voice it chased away 
All the sanity in me 

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone 
But though you're still with me 
I've been alone all along

[Evanescence - My Immortal]

Valentine's Day

Just watched Valentine's Day. A specially bad time to watch such a movie. But I am glad that I did. I don't remember all of them but I liked one dialogue specially. It goes this way : boy : "Did you ever consider marrying me?"
Girl: "Yeah I did. But do you want a girl to consider or to know it.?"

And this too I really loved - Truth makes everything else seem like a lie.

And yeah this one too - and I hope I am going to remember it always (gosh how could I be so stupid) : Love can't be planned. It just happens.

You can't make things right. They will find their way.
Sometimes, you have to learn to act grown up, until someone is there to make you feel you are still a kid at heart.

To Anonymous

How strange! people may fade away from our memories but something of them remains...
I saw her yesterday. Lady Gaga. And all her glory fame name dissolved into your memories... splashes of water... over n over thought... only felt too much... but not too enough...we are better strangers for each other or nothing...

give me a song

...  She said, "give me a song" And there was an eternal silence.


SHIT Happens Sometimes

No man dies without a scandal  If he does , he was not a man at all

The world is a gutter No matter where you shit But mind it when you do it.

Lying is not a bad practice  Unless its against you.

Life is a SHIT but then its an outcome of your own ACT.

Alright here you go - Don't read me I am a book of Blasphemy.

P.S. Thanks to this post, I found & fell in love with one blog. :)

At crossroads

A moment ! you feel so lonely you feel you have no friend when you need genuine advice when you want someone to understand you. It was that moment. She wished fervently that all was a dream. That she would not have to leave her home. That life will not change either for better or bad. That... she felt so cold. she felt ... she doesn't want to grow up.What you imagined,cherished in dreams,waited for whole life, now that moment had come. The story had begun. You are the writer. Each action will write and decide the further course. And you prepare to sleep. Choose a dream. Away. Away from all Present all Past and Would be. At crossroads, she is. She chooses not to move. Looks back just to say. Good-bye.

a thing called Life...

Ok I can't keep it to myself :)
Im so Happy these days
Feeling like a Princess!!!
I just love this thing about Life
Its soooo full of surprises.

I told ya I wanted to Feel , isnt it?
I am Feeling. I CAN Feel.
Aw God I can really.
What I feel is so much love for a thing called Life.
You know what I am feeling - that I have just woken up from a long disease and gone out in the sunshine. And the November Sun with its mild curative rays has healed me of the wounds life generally gives to its lovers.



Scribbles addressed to The Anonymous

Is it what they call Life's Irony?
What began with an Open Relationship
Became so very Closed.

Scribbles addressed to the Anonymous

I could have done the things I always do
But  perhaps I knew
You fear the pain.

Scribbles addressed to an Anonymous

Some stories must need characters In others Anonymous fill the colors

The Anonymous

Its been one year or so he stops at my blog n leaves comments. The comments kill me. Sometimes I know who is he. At other times I am just like a baffled cat. I think of old conversations. What went wrong? What was right , anyway? 

A face without a face. A mere shadow creeping over my mind. Can I have any story with anonymous? And what if there is one? What sort of story it can be? A very romantic? Or mysterious? A tragic one? Let's just make out the possibilities...

He is the one I am thinking of and I am the one he always thought of. Out of comments we come together and begin afresh. Despite the fact, I am still confused. Despite the fact, I don't want to go back. I am curious to know what's the end...

Or may be the Anonymous is the one I would never want him to be. I hate even his shadow because it tells dark stories of my own heart. What if its not the one I expect. Expectations should not hurt. But why to expect? What else can I do? I am lost in the game. The anonymous ha…

If only ...

I have so much
so much
to say
to day
If only
you would hear it
Far from here
that way

I have plenty of stars
so many stars
for you
to day
If only
you would look deep
deep into my eyes
Out of the way

I have number of melodies
so many melodies
to sing
to day
If only
you would hear them
in my silence...

I have so much
so much
to say
to day
If only
you would hear it
Far from here
that way
If only you were here
You could hear
The words without words
And could see
silence shivering my bare soul...

- Jeanie

Here's My Story

someone loved
some one loved
some one lo ve ed her
some one lo ve ed her so much
some one lo ve ed her so so much 
some one lo ve ed her so so very much
some one lo ve ed her in so so many ways

And so thereby hangs a Tale !!

Two Hours for Soul

Two hours. Two long. Too much. Yet too less if I sit by a half-closed window and sun rays tickle my eyes play with my hairs and kiss my lips.
Too less to thank God for all good he did. 
Too less to observe the life as it flows. 
Too less to love each moment as it passes by. 

We run and run whole life and it is passed in a twinkling of an eye but our soul carries the imprints for eternity. The Soul was an empty vessel when it began its journey but the time allowed Soul to fill itself with pretty flowers, beads, gems and magnificent things. Whole life we keep on fulfilling the needs of body and neglect our soul. Wouldn't it be wonderful to pause for some minutes and give sometime to our Soul. 
To observe the cycle of universe and feel yourself a part of it.
To rise above the petty problems of the day and feel the magnificence of Being.
To fly with imagination to the unknown worlds of fairies, kabilas, gypsies, forests, mountains, ocean.
To let the Soul fly to the beauties of the world and c…

A wish : S.J

She had taken so many lovers. Love stayed , love flew, love had put on always new , new faces , but she was tired. She would ask gloomily looking at the falling snow, "why am I blessed with such a curse?" And I would only look into her pretty sad eyes. There was nowhere now the wish to be loved by other. Nomore the wish to fly. Nolonger the wish to live. But since life was a truth she couldn't deny, she wanted to live it in a humble penitence. In loving the nature, learning the art of healing, winning over passions... ah! but even sometimes a genuine wish can not conquer the human passions. A storm lay beneath the calm sea of her countenance. Hers was a story of passion and not penitence. Lives were waiting to write her story. Unconscious though she was of her destiny, every man is somewhat conscious of what lies ahead. Destiny reveals itself in the bouts of passion and countenance.

my Own Being - S.J

She loved ugly. "Because we all have the dark side and which is not a Madonna's beauty". But I was talking about the Night. I was lying down looking at his grotesque gestures while sleeping. But he is fine. I looked at the faded blue light  coming from a small window. A part of heart said , wake up , its the time to write. Another part said... and thus the heart utters two things and ditches very friendly. I miss her. I miss the old days when she was with me and we talked about heaven and hell , but mostly about the gap between. She loved ghosts and I would become one for her sometimes. Nostalgia. Is such an inadequate word. I miss her sometimes like my own being. 

And I am not so happy these days

And I am not so happy these days 
For the happiness drinks me to the emptiness.

Flowers become shrine for my love Love that was never so fresh And I am not so happy these days.
Shadows talk to me in whisper Dark moments bask in sun rays And I am not so happy these days.

When you hold me I drown into limbo Quiet is world , past says And I am not so happy these days.


*  O thou Pearl
    But Beautiful.

*   Lil lil Mermaid
     Under blue Shade.

*   Old yellow leaves
     scent of love; deserted
     afternoon libraries

Fallen Angel

She was sin. Another name of it. And she was a fallen angel. How can a human might redeem her of her sins? Fallen Angels lose every virtue but few, very humane. And one of them was Faith. She believed strongly that an Angel would come to redeem her , give her place back, fix her wings and show the vast azure sky, make her feel the vastness of a seed and travel whole universe in a twinkling of an eye. Everything would be fine she had patience of unique stature, she had hope...

Daughter of Earth - S.J

...She said pensively , "We are all bound to hurt each other." She kept drowning into nihilistic meditations until...
He loved her till his last breath and she kept denying the very possibility of love. She would say till her last days, "Tragedy grows with us within us if we... " She would stop defining things. She knew in her soul what she meant but she wouldn't let out the secret and this secret , this secret took away his life...  We unknowingly write our own destinies while all the time we believe its He , the doer , He does with us in witty ways and we are blinds , we are deaf , we are ... she would say nothing what we are but now since she is safe and peaceful in her grave , she will speak through rough winds , storms and Tsunami... she had loved water ,the force of life and... She said Goodbye to the earth but she will not be happy in Heaven she will come back soon. She is the daughter of Earth.

Be the Candle

Why to fret and Frown Over darkness Be the Candle yourself !
Let us Burn the Candle of  our Faith This Diwali.
Just Believe

Happy Diwali

We two  are but  One Light


Rejection -
I fall not
Feet feel the earth
Leaves of grass
and broken worm eggs.


In dark, low and deep,
Brooding and nodding,
My mother sits. Mother !
You have a right to hurt
I had also hurt you long back
When I had stuck like a jellyfish
to your cord
(though everyone said I was a gift to you.)
Now you have a right to hurt back.
Years of trampling on your heart
has turned it into a rock
And I do understand -
I do understand,
What we give
come back to us
(and perhaps with double force.)
Now its your turn
Give !
I will take.
I had also hurt you long back.


The Warrior

A few days ago I had realized God tests yon only in the matter you can fight best. He trusts you that you can fight , he gives all the power to you to do so. Only and only you need to begin once and go on forever. ~~~*~~~

I am Sylvia

I am Sylvia.
My poem is incomplete.
I had ... someday...long ago
an intuition
There is an end.
and i am a ...
incomplete poem-
hollow manuscript-
i am none
a cloud of cloud
mud and earth
roll and rainbow but
i am not a poet
i am none.
i am sylvia...


Even if I fall in love with a poet , I will never marry him. For 

he can be an object of love but not care.


How do you define a crime?
Is that when you kill someone?
Or rape personal thoughts?
When you deceive a friend?
Or when you cheat your own heart?
How do you define a crime?
When something is illegal?
Or illicit? Or just unconvincing to ur heart?
How do you define...
Oh why I am convinced...
Oh why...

My Story

Hello Mr. Roy , Hope you had a pleasant journey?
Oh yes it was good. The weather was fine. Both Dr Mathur and Dr Roy shook hands. Dr. Mathur who was in hurry tried to cut short the formalities and said with good humor, “ Well we have arranged one cottage for you. Please make yourself comfortable. I will join you for lunch and meanwhile if you need anything tell Raju he will take care of everything. “
Both shook hands again. And Dr. Mathur sped out of the room.
Doctor Roy while taking a hot bath in his cottage looked out at the green fields. They seemed to him extremely quiet as if not a leaf turned over in many years. The valley seemed to him like a beautiful cold dead bride. Everything had come to a standstill.
In the afternoon over lunch Dr Mathur told Dr Rao about the mental hospital and some special cases. Doctor Rao was a psychiatrist practicing in Noida and he had agreed with the Hospital authorities in Almora to observe the general scenario and see some special cases. After …