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Showing posts from March, 2013

Between you and me

You are not just a blog, alright, and you know it.  Though sometimes a couple of anonymous comments come between you and me, But we will be true to each other, anyway. Deal, right?  We will be true to each other !!

Thank you for being one ;)

How a bond builds up....

How a bond builds up....

It builds up slowly gradually when you both think about each other, and do things for each other.

I remember my last Holi. Holi is one festival, on which I really like to shut up myself in my room. But last year, it was my brother who expressed a wish to play holi. And I agreed. I still remember what I was thinking at that time. I had thought, this might be our last holi and after years when I look back I would regret to break his heart and miss this chance. I don't know since when I decided, I won't miss the chance. And really, it is the only holi which I would remember fondly after years n years...
So, perhaps, that's how a bond builds up :)

when present holds no keys...

I know what I need right now.

To be put in danger. So that I can feel life.

To be put in extreme situation. So that I can take a decision.

To be put in compromising situation. So that I can show, I have got some ground.

To be asked to stay in hole. So that I can choose to fly.

Yeah... one day she told my friend, I won't fly, coz I am used to comforts now. What is it actually that binds me to this place? Is it really my own comfort? I know now, what people must be saying about me.
No no... I am not the girl who would say - - - I had a dream once.
I am going to do it. I am going to take a decision soon. It would a little painful in the beginning. It might be a mistake. But I don't care anymore about making mistakes. All I care for is - that I am listening to my heart - even if it takes me miles away ... on an undiscovered land ! Or binds me to my duty.

"When present holds no keys
for the Future doors
Just sit by the window
and dream for a blue sky,
for a blue sea... "…

that Life is a gift...

Those who have a life, always wonder what would happen if everything ends unexpectedly. Years ago, Jeanie used to wonder if she could have another story. A one thrilling and unexpected. 
Jeanie dreamed it this way - 
She always wants to die, not because she does not love her life but she loves death more. She was in love with death, as someone falls in love with the Blue Poison. One day she gets to know she is going to die soon.  She is happy beyond limits. But at the same time she begins to feel restless. How she would spend her last days? What she would do? There were plenty of things to do. Those she had planned to do when something happens like this. Well, she makes a plan. She will spend her last days, making moments. 
Jeanie quits her job. Packs her stuff. Locks her house. And goes out. No plans. She just goes out, any street , any city, any place ... She behaves crazy at times but tries never to lose the touch with her aim - making moments. She makes friends with strangers, li…

Again- being the butterfly!

Today would be a lovely day, to be a butterfly !

The little green jungl

"There's a surprise for you!"
"What's that tell me."
"There's a surprise for you , when you would come down here."
"Aahh... really! I am waiting for it."

The virtual window closed but the dream window opened and how swiftly you flow on dreams till the very reality closes you tight in its embrace. Jay reached on the land of Warriors. The whole group planned a camp-out. "What a surprise!" Jay exclaimed. "Enjoy..." Tadz teased her with his lovely smile. They stayed on a hill that looked to the little green jungle. While in the group some were drinking, other dancing, some had secrets to share, Jay was quietly letting the Nature do wonder with her. Contrary to her own imagination, she fell quiet when she met all her friends after months. She went early to sleep. She woke up around mid-night and knew it was supposed to be this way only. She left the camp, and headed downwards to the little green jungle. It was calling…

The Tale of a Rat

So it is about this Rat who has invaded our little home with a little privacy. For a days, we would set a trap and throw them out nicely. But one day, this new chap, or may be the old-experienced one entered our home and is still playing hide-n-seek. This is a real clever fellow. First of all, he is not at all greedy. What not we put up for him in the trap? A bite of chapati, then a tomato, and then the crumbs of bread- he will just not get affected. One day he entered into my room. Well, it was not one day. It was One night. You can imagine what happened then. lol. No, its not that, that I screamed, shouted, woke up all around in the range of few kilometers. No... I cursed him. I can't imagine it is a She-Rat. lol. I tip-toed out of the room, and slept or.. rather could not sleep that night. Aw... I can't tell you, since that day, I have begun to hate Rats in an altogether different way. The next morning, we all wondered on why the rat is not trapped yet. May be, he is not a…

Who she is.

At one moment she is Jeanie, hurt immensely in her search of love, another moment she is Samyaa, an exiled warrior princess. At moments she takes up a  name S.J., to hide herself from the severity of the world, at other times she wears her real identity to show to the world, she hasn't quit. And she will never.

Angel ~ S.J

S.J whispered to the winds, losing herself in every touch of wind, " Why do I do it? I don't know.
Its just about the heart. It tells you to do, and you do it.
And I have always believed in what my heart says.
So, I welcome whatever comes."

The wind whispered back softly,"you are an angel."

I am beyond...

Nothing could have bound me to date, no one will ever. I am the wind, fierce but free. I am the sky, vast yet free. I am the earth, dutiful but free. I am the water, can you still bound me?
I am not your daughter, I am not your sister, I am not anyone's friend or lover. I am energy. You see with positive lenses, I am positive. You see me from negative lenses, I am negative. You see me red, I become that for you. You see me blue, I become that for you. But I have no color of my own. I have no name of my own, but you have given me so many names, and so you astray.

I seem to have a past, but how many pasts have I then? See beyond, you will have your answers.
I will have a future, but the seeds of my future have already been sown, only the flower is yet to born, the fruits yet to flourish. Believe in the process, believe on the time, free yourself, Divine will hold your hand. She surely Guides those who have given themselves to Her. She is Mother of Universe, She is the Soul of all S…
No seriously, its the height of everything. I need to grow young. Lol.

At least, I should behave according to my age. Hang outs, spend a lot until I go bankrupt. Run Away. Double Dates, Flirt around( oh my god, I have almost forgotten to flirt !) My ! what the heck I have become, a pile of Good Old Books. No no no... I need to check on it. I need to go back. Need to live, commit more mistakes , come on, what if I get Moksha in this life? No Man. I need to do bad karmas to be able to born again. Karma cycle you see. Its so strict. Its almost the time to be what you haven't got opportunity to be. ;)


(Laugh out loud) I just can't believe I am single. I mean, F--- man! I am single ! There can't be eighth wonder than this. And I can't feel how love feels like. I can't feel like a teenage girl anymore. I can't imagine talking crap with you. Sometimes I can't imagine at all. That's awful at times, when you can't imagine the love of your life. I can imagine sacrifice, i can imagine, purpose, i can imagine duty, i can imagine marriage, but i can't imagine love anymore, i can't imagine fun, i can't imagine care, i can't imagine possessiveness, i can't imagine madness, i can't imagine love that is beyond morality and that's why they have gone from my stories too. I want to be a fool in love, a mad, a possessive, an eccentric , just like any other girl. Yes, I want to love.
P.S. ~ Make me love you !


“Jeanne, I fell asleep among the paintings, where I could sit for many days worshipping your portrait. I fell in love with your portrait, Jeanne, because it will never change. I have such a fear of seeing you grow old, Jeanne, I fell in love with an unchanging you that will never be taken away from me. I was wishing you would die, so that no one could take you away from me, and I would love the painting of you as you would look eternally.” 

― Anaïs Nin

P.S. I have got my Jeanie, again.

such similarity !

“A man fell in love with Jeanne, and she tried to love him. But she complained that he uttered such ordinary words, that he could never say the magic phrase which would open her being.” 

― Anaïs Nin, Under a Glass Bell

I feel as if I am her Incarnation. 

my blog - my journal !

“I only regret that everybody wants to deprive me of the journal, which is the only steadfast friend I have, the only one which makes my life bearable, because my happiness with human beings is so precarious, my confiding moods rare, and the least sign of non-interest is enough to silence me. In the journal I am at ease.” 

― Anaïs Nin

musings of a born-troubled soul -2

What was that animal, who , at the sight of a little gleam, would again hide into its shell? 

So was it last night's dream? When the only name rang in my ear was of Irom Sharmila? And I woke up perspiring, wondering why her name is echoing in my secret chambers of sleep? No one can enter here easily, without having a relation to my unconscious, without having a strong tie to my past or irresistible desires...

There is a girl, who was a rebel. There is a girl, who was self-centered. There is a girl, who believed in super-natural powers. There is a girl who refused the present life and believed in an after-life. There is a girl, who became dreamy. Inclined towards Journalism. There is a girl, who then turned to home. Celebrated the pious simple life of love and care. There is a girl, who became Spiritual. Yearned for a spiritual life and solitude. There is a girl who at the brink of 'Spiritual Escape' faced a harsh wind of Social Reality. There is a girl, who stands at the c…

a storm

When the butterflies are silent
You know a storm is boiling up...