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Showing posts from November, 2009

Diary –

8.00 am

Life is slow here…so slow that you can stop for a moment and hear your heartbeats… so slow that you can even visualize your past , present and future… but sorry I am not at all interested in this scale of time …I want to meet time without its limitations… I want to feel the vastness of each second as it passes….

Right now I am on the terrace … my back is towards the morning’s sun and I am looking at my old school …. Between my house and my school we have a little pond sort of thing … And I am looking into it… the water is shallow…I hear the chirping of birds… I look up… the sky is full of small birds… Its pretty morning!

I have just filled up two bowls with water for birds… I dunno whether they will drink from it or no but I have done my duty… oh ! nooo again I am being philosophical॥ I hate my this mood। :)
….. Time is still … not its not I am aware.. its only my illusion but its nice to feel that time is still… have you ever felt this way?? Have you ever heard a bird’s…

Fairy Tale

“Brother , give me the romote”, shouted Mary in her brother’s ears and he shouted back , “Go to the another tv।” She replied that the channel she wanted to watch is not coming in that tv. Her brother didn’t bother to reply . Mary again pleaded, “ Brother please let me watch my movie.” Her brother , William asked , “Which movie?” Mary replied , “Ella Enchanted”. “Oh ! you and your stupid fairy tales ... go away with them.” said brother. Mary had a tear in her eyes . She said nothing and went away.

Mary was a soft - hearted girl. It was really not her fault that she believed in all these "stupid fairy tales". When her classmates would date with their boyfriends she would busy herself in her own world, she goes up to the terrace , watch the moon and the stars and imagines about a different kind of universe - she had her own magic world in which she believed immensly. Mary's brother didn't let her watch her story's end. Poor Mary! she felt terribly bad. As she went up…


Yesterday me and my sister discussed 3 hours about some topic and the topic was - What affects our life Destiny or Free will? Our life is ruled by our destiny or our own actions?
Her view was that everything happens because of our destiny. Our destiny is already written and no one can change it . Wahi hoga jo hona hai . Our destiny is pre-decided. Then she added free will works where we talk of our behaviour. Its up to us how we behave at certain moment and it affects us somewhere. She believes in - Leni deni ... jisse leni deni likhi hoti hai ussi se hamara rishta judta hai. She believes in past life's karma which affects us in our present life. In conclusion , she means that whatever we do its because it is written in our destiny and we are helpless in a way.
While my point was that destiny is certainly there but for example we are given two choices for two destinies and now its our decision which decides our destiny. At some moments in our life our decision changes our destiny. …

Wrestling with my Soul

I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.

They said once,
“She is not for this world”
And my soul went away
She left my adobe,
My misanthropy world,
My guilt-ridden heart,
My mortal body.

And now she lives in
Fanciful forests,
She drinks from
Eternal brook,
I look!
I envy!
I too pine for such ecstasy.

Here again,
I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.



I am crushed ,down and broken. What do I do now? Where to go ? Whom to ask? I live in Mumbai and here if you want to find answers go to the “mother sea” . She is vast , deep , infinite ,healer, mystic and like.

So, I have come to the “mother sea” to get healed. As soon as I saw people with their families, kins , friends , lovers I suddenly felt a tide in my heart. .. and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I did not stop myself… I cried my heart out… after all it is the first step of Healing .

I am calmed down and looking at the sea. How wonderful it is! My mind starts reflecting the whole thing again. I am a “loser” or perhaps I am the most insignificant thing in this world. I have lost my boy friend (Why the hell did I believe him when he said he loved me?) I have lost my best friend , I have nobody ‘special’ in my life or rather I am not special in anybody’s life. So , I decided to break off from everyone because I really am not in mood to commit suicide nor do I want to fee…

Sand !!!

It is not worthy in your eyes I know --- but these occurred in my heart once and thus they carry my heart’s one portion with them …..

Unknown to me yet!

You were nothing
Little grains of sand
In my hand
And As I tried to clutch you tightly
I started to lose you slowly
You slipped from my hands.

With you it seemed
Whole ocean was in my hand
I see myself scattered on the sand.

Yours only,