Skip to main content

S.J. : Fear

Its Fear. She had been trying not to think about it from long. Today is the day , perhaps.

Its fear of listening to one's own heart. She thought it once and accepted after a long tussle with her heart , that her heart lies. It all started some seven years back. As a child she believed strange things but since no one could prove them lie, she was happy, happy with her heart in her own world. But then people began to come into her life. Who brought Realities. Who brought Beliefs. Who brought god-knows-what-things. And then it began. She listened to her heart and each time realized that it lied to her. Who was the best friend earlier, her heart, became the most hated thing. She began to hate her heart for it told her sweet things that don't exist, it told her to have faith on strange people, it told her it was love when it wasn't... She is afraid, she ... her heart said she loved him... while ... she ....

She wouldn't be able to believe her heart ever. She wouldn't ever come to know when love would really happen. Was there anything left in her life... after voices, shadows, blood, imaginary deaths, suicide attempts, all those night terrors and shameful incidents that she survived , she lost it at last from her heart, a heart that ever lied.

Comments

Anonymous said…
heart ... a mystery heartfelt... growing into youth from adolescence, tilting to the mind over the heart, getting into the universal paranoia ... every body wants to dampen the beats of vitality n embrace practicality ...
but happy is one who can turn the table, develop an unshakable ''reverse paranoia'' ... n as u say '' just believe '' that someone out there is plotting meticulously for u to be happy ...
heart will beat for u but its some more time before u appreciate understand its language ... till then be optimistic :)cheers!!
@ngel ~ said…
I don't know about the Optimism. But I have Survived the tests.

Popular posts from this blog

Two Hours for Soul

Two hours. Two long. Too much. Yet too less if I sit by a half-closed window and sun rays tickle my eyes play with my hairs and kiss my lips. Too less to thank God for all good he did.  Too less to observe the life as it flows.  Too less to love each moment as it passes by.  We run and run whole life and it is passed in a twinkling of an eye but our soul carries the imprints for eternity. The Soul was an empty vessel when it began its journey but the time allowed Soul to fill itself with pretty flowers, beads, gems and magnificent things. Whole life we keep on fulfilling the needs of body and neglect our soul. Wouldn't it be wonderful to pause for some minutes and give sometime to our Soul.  To observe the cycle of universe and feel yourself a part of it. To rise above the petty problems of the day and feel the magnificence of Being. To fly with imagination to the unknown worlds of fairies, kabilas, gypsies, forests, mountains, ocean. To let the...

With Hatred , To Eve Teasers !

When it happened to me yesterday , I was like , I would kill that bloody bastard but I was so stunned at that moment , I couldn't even speak anything , I didn't know how to react... only two - three drops came out from my eyes... Whole day as I was reflecting on this issue ... I don't know whether Eve in "eve teasing" stands for our first mother Eve. I am sorry for the day God created her. Adam & his creed do not deserve her. And I am sorry for all men because due to some unsocial & insensitive men , they all are being condemned . All are not same but yet when one apple is rotten how can you wish to taste another? I had not seen Eve Teasing until I came Jaipur. When I walk to my college , I see it so much. Guys make comments , sometimes just - Hello , Hi , or a whistle ... sometimes they shout loud and scare you by driving rashly . On road while you walk , you can have a lot of weird and bad experiences . But as there is difference between joking , fli...

I am star of the Sky ...

I am star of the Sky that sees no Limit I break I fall and yet  When I shine I outshine all the Light ... Happy Birthday Angel  :) I often doubt, am I really an angel. Several times I attributed to myself the titles like - Stone Angel, Dark Angel or Fallen Angel - but I could never prick out the fact that I am not an Angel. Why? Why am I an angel? And then it says from deep down, "you don't have to find a reason for what you are." Around 5.20 am , she asked me, "Won't you wish something today?" , I looked up at the dark clouds for a sec , smiled and then nodded hard, " I would , I would , I would." and then I said, " aasmaan ka ek katra , aur wo hissa jisme mera birghtest star ho."   When we wished each other, my mom blessed me with the words, " zindagi ke sahi matlab samjho... ek din samajh jaogi.. aur tab tak samjhna jaari rakhna..."  I am feeling grateful for everything. Everything is so wonder...