From her eyes

She could look straight into the sun’s eyes because she thought that she loved sun and trusted her so he won’t harm her, how stupid she was. From her eyes everything seems full of love , energy and life. She was my best friend so I knew her (at least I thought so) but my other classmates found her as mysterious as the pyramids of Egypt or as a Chirag of Aladin. Really! Sometimes even I found her very enigmatic. She seems like a labyrinth --- a dark , mysterious maze … you go into it … searching for something… but you are trapped .. you are lost…. She was like a puzzle … and I tried to solve it many times but I could only find two or three dark holes of this puzzle.

The dark side of Meera was too dark … and was totally unacceptable for me initially…I even started hating her. The dark side was – her heart’s one part which was convinced that she was doing something terribly wrong especially with her life and especially in relationship’s matters. How could one understand such cynicism but no she was convinced and kept punishing herself. At that time, I was too prejudiced and immature to understand what troubled her … I was inexperienced too as she used to say. I thought she was doing nothing “terribly” wrong , she was just another normal girl who made friends or boyfriends , did chatting , night – outs , picnics , one-night stand , dreamed to live in live-in relationship …and so on. What was wrong in that? Every girl of her age does such inane things. But she had a problem – she used to think a lot… about philosophy of life , about right and wrong , truth and false , karma and punarjanama … She said she was in search of something --- what was that thing? “Love”, she would say affectionately . She was into many relationships… all were not normal ,all did not end happily, few were really weird sort of --- but in all relationships two things were common – The true search of Love and no regret of past. Regret , I think , was surely somewhere in her heart but I don’t think they affected her for long time… her boon was she could easily forget her traumatic past , learn from it and move on in her life.

Yesterday I got a call from Meera . I suppose she had cried a lot before she called me because her sound was so composed and calm. After some formal baseless talk she told me abruptly that she has realized something. I asked her what was that? She said she was about to do a big mistake of her life but she is saved now. Her realization was that the man with whom she had open relationship doest not love her and is totally detached from her. She knew this but she didn’t realize it earlier and now suddenly something made her think about this. I thought she must be sad so I tried to console her but she was too excited and sort of happy as a child would have been to find answer of some difficult question. She sounded as if she has found some treasure. I asked her what made her happy in such unhappy situations? She said she has learned something from this - learned from what? A stupid relationship , a selfish man ?? She replied quietly , Anu , everything has its price. What I learned from him I had to give him something in return and so its not as bad , is it? She said in same smooth voice , “ Anu , I am afraid I am trying to go deep into love , finding different meanings of love , I might end up in destroying my life but I am happy Anu.” …. “ Anu , we all are seekers , some seek money , some power , some a balanced life , I seek love … Love is the only aim of my life . And Anu without risks , without falling , failing how can you think that someone can achieve something. And in love even pain teaches you a lot.” At this moment her voice choked… before she could speak another syllable my battery got low and phone was switched off . I slept well in the night without thinking about Anu but in the morning when I woke up with the rays of sun piercing through my eyes … my whole perception was changed , suddenly I was not irritated at sun rays , I was feeling them on my body … I was smiling … the sun seemed so lovely today… ohhh what’s happening with me?? … I was looking everything from Meera’s eyes ---- Its so full of love and only love.