Friday, September 6, 2013

S.J. - its lonely out there, and inside too...

After that terrible feeling had subsided, and S.J. had become as comfortable as she could speak to herself about it, and she spoke these words , “I want to tell you something. Today I experienced it again, although for a fraction of second but I did it and I got to know why it happened to me in my childhood. It happened because I was terribly lonely. And it happened today because … I was lonely. I hear voices when I am lonely. They tell me they are lonely too. They tell me they want to talk to me. I know it is fake, it is made-up in my mind but I still believe it, I believe they exist and talk to me, because I am lonely, and I want to hear them myself. I can’t tell you, how lonely I have been in my life. And you can never know how lonely it is to stay alone inside four walls for a long long time… or probably you know that too… but you don’t know what it has done to me, what all it has taken from me … and that… you will only know after I am gone for the good.” 

[ There was a time when she would call up her friends and tell them every little detail of how her day passed, and how she could not sleep in the night because she didn’t feel alright. Even at that time, she hated her habit of speaking out everything. But she couldn’t help. All she did was, to dream, to visualize about a time when she will stop letting out her heart’s secrets, her deepest feelings. She dreamed about a time when no one would come to know what actually she feels. She will be there in body, but float away in spirit, she will learn the art of transcending the world for few moments and then she would come back , again adjusting to her life. She will never  (wont able to) speak,  how she feels. 

1 comment:

vibhu VS said...

Loneliness is what one feels but life goes on. Heart to heart we all are lonely. It's just that many of us would not accept it. At least SJ is brave enough to accept it. :)

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