Tuesday, April 27, 2010

With Hatred , To Eve Teasers !

When it happened to me yesterday , I was like , I would kill that bloody bastard but I was so stunned at that moment , I couldn't even speak anything , I didn't know how to react... only two - three drops came out from my eyes...

Whole day as I was reflecting on this issue ... I don't know whether Eve in "eve teasing" stands for our first mother Eve. I am sorry for the day God created her. Adam & his creed do not deserve her. And I am sorry for all men because due to some unsocial & insensitive men , they all are being condemned . All are not same but yet when one apple is rotten how can you wish to taste another?

I had not seen Eve Teasing until I came Jaipur. When I walk to my college , I see it so much. Guys make comments , sometimes just - Hello , Hi , or a whistle ... sometimes they shout loud and scare you by driving rashly . On road while you walk , you can have a lot of weird and bad experiences . But as there is difference between joking , flirting & vulgarity and cheap talks , there is difference between eve teasing also. My two experiences were so humiliating in Jaipur  that I can not even tell anyone with details. Some can be tolerated but some can never be forgotten.

I am not more furious because it happened but because it happened before many people. Firstly , it was so humiliating that I couldn't look up till I crossed the whole street and secondly , I was wondering , among all men , actually no one was a Man. Its so shameful that all men have become women like. Really , if I would have been in Banasthali for long, I would always be in an illusion that everyman is a Warrior like and fights for right cause and always respects a woman and guard her , no matter who she is - she is a woman that is sufficient.

There are many aspects of Eve Teasing . Its a burning topic. But right now I can only think about its impact on a sufferer's mind & heart. After the First experience of eve teasing , I never went to that place again . There were not much people to witness the incident , otherwise I think I would not be able to go out for several days. Whenever I think of those close people of mine who also had such experiences , it makes me sick. I feel disgusted at the sight of man. It arises the feelings of misandry.

Perhaps those men can never realize how does a girl feel at that time & what can be the after effects of their actions. And I hope they can  imagine how grave can be the results of their actions when I will tell them - Eve Teasing spoiled my one close relative's whole life and disturbed her mentally . Whenever I see her - I think how beautiful and sensitive wife she would have made but ....

P.S - I am sorry for abusive language in the beginning but I just didn't want to cover up my real emotions. And please I have not written it to gain sympathy, but for the purpose to make you think over it.
Any sensitive man after reading this would definitely ask himself - if he has ever raise a voice against Eve Teasers...!!!
Please help a Woman sufferer , raise a voice against it , if today you will ignore such acts and advice your sister/mother/ friends to ignore , tomorrow you might have to pay a big price for it. Stop taking it lightly - Eve Teasers deserve to go to jail. Laws are made , but its our responsibility to use them.

Image Courtesy  - www.nirrh.res.in/links/adolescent.htm

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My dreams...

As if someone has pressed the button of rewind,
I am heading  back in childhood days of mine,
Though they didn't say it aloud, 
Several times behind my back they called me "insane" n "mad",
They called me an "idealist" and "bad",
But ... but I just smiled and moved on.

Many a times my eyes would glow with a spark,
And I would jump out of my bed in dark,
"Idea" ; I would write & run to someone,
To see about the idea what can be done,
But it never started & it never worked,
Every time my idea failed - I never wailed.

I would keep a file of my failures,
They were only stumbles of disappointments,
And not a complete break down,
I know every time my idea failed and dream shattered,
Behind my back they laughed at me and called me a "clown",
But I would just smile and move on.

After million times I fell,and  to my surprise,
I would stand up again and look at the sky,
"Huh! its tough but not impossible,  I will fly."
And people around me will sigh,
I know they laugh at me because I am alone,
But I would smile and move on.

One day suddenly my belief bore fruits,
My faith flourished in the face of flowers,
My garden blessed with zillion showers,
My idea worked , dream met the dawn,
I moved cautiously step by step at lawn,
I remember I was afraid , so afraid to move on.

Yes, I remember the old times,
When people would laugh at me,
But I would just smile and move on , 
Because ... because though I tried to leave my dreams,
My dreams would never leave me,
And though I left them behind, they always moved on with me.

Body of Feathers

Those who have body of feathers,
Those who can fly high,
Tease me with such freedom and skill,
I am also bad , because I too tease them back,
For without language and hands,
They are more poor than I .

Sunday, April 18, 2010


No , its nothing about Jeanie today , its about Vish - her ...... (she never gets proper word to describe her relationship, so dont mind! )

Wish you a very Wonderful Birthday Vish! 

I know I couldn't be with you - call it a strange incident that I have changed , many things happened since we parted ...and .. hey wait ... so what I am not with you today... I have my lovely diary with me and I have pasted this  picture in it and wishing you here - a very very Happy Birthday.

How things change... its strange... but let us no more think about the sad changes... may be they are for better... may be we were not made for each other... whatever! you were once closest... you tinkled my heart... though we could never understand each other... may be you did better... I hurt you... and only I know how sorry I feel for it. No ... its a special day today no more sad chat !!! ... you know what , I was waiting for this day for long ... I thought I would give you some surprise and make your day... fill it with love...lots of love n ... roses... 

hey ! do you like roses? White? Red? Pink? Black? Blue ... :D  wait --- close your eyes... naahh dont cheat.. I know you are a big big cheater... ehh ahhh ahh shut up ... ... hey eeeee dont hold me... lemme go , you wait here.....
umm...  now I take your hand n push you on bed ....... a bed full of red roses :)

Did you like it? :)
now we will watch a movie --- have a delicious dinner prepared by a sweet lady called ---  shiiiii.... you guessed that it is cooked by Maid... aaaaaahhhh i m gonna kill u ... 
But not Today... coz its so special ...n lovely day... and of course I dont want to kill your memories....

- @ngel

I need you ....

I wish my soul 
had a hole
Coz I want ...
I want you to be inside me

To feel what I feel
In the same degree,
To bear the pain
Of scratches made by you.

To  ... no!... now ? How
Can even my words describe
To what limit I crave for you
To what extent I need you ---
I need you inside me.

I can not love you,
Until you are near ---
Here ! (pointing at my heart)
 --- Inside me.
I need you inside me.

My words are not sufficient,
They are traitor,
They are deceiver,
They don't express the true meaning (which I give them)
Nor even --- deep... deep feeling...

I am not satisfied ,
I was never...
So I say I wont until
You enter deep inside me

Breaking all walls,
Breaking all conventions,
To be a lover,
To be a dweller,
Of  those ancient hills
And the mountains and rills, 
And winds that sing joyful songs
Ah... for such ecstasy my soul longs
And it only craves for a companion
- A passionate one,
Who will make a hole
To enter inside my soul...

I need you 
... I need you
Yeah , come inside me...
I need you inside me... 


In the most hopeless moment 
I haven't lost one thing 
I haven't lost my Hope.

You see me, 
You cant but see my soul -
There's a tornado of thoughts,
Tempest of emotions;
I am lost !
I am lost !
I am lost !

You try to save me,
You try to save my soul.
See ! where she goes -
She flies to another shore,
She dances in the Tempest,
She goes mad with happiness in the Tornado ; 
how strange is the Soul.

She can not stay ,
She can not be hold ,
Ah ! You are cold , 
She is ... she is hot Blood and Bold.

She is in cage , 
She is in the prison of her own love - own fancies,
Take away Body
Take away flesh
All that you need...

I seem to be hopeless,
I seem a carrion,
Cold blooded body - that I am.
She is in fact 
All white glory.

Yeah , she knows it
Which you also feel- that 
She is a new Tragedy
A new sad story
But you don't worry
She has a heart 
To bear all this
She has a soul
To be with.
She has a hope;
Hope for a Life -
A serene Life -
.... After Death !  

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Desert Woman!

In the book , The Alchemist , written by Paulo Coelho , there is a character of Desert Woman , who meets protagonist when he has come far in the land of desert. Her striking characteristic is her Patience & Forbearance which makes the hero win the treasure and return to her . Her patience was two edged – her virtue which will reward her true love and his conquest on which she had trust.

What it is like to wait for Something or Someone? Is it like what you listen in songs and reads in novels that Night seems so long and Tears do not stop ? Or real life Wait is of another nature? When do we wait?  When we are confident that it will happen or when our will or belief is strong. While we wish / hope / pray when our heart and will is weak .

 Sometimes it happens that you are waiting for something from a long time or with desperate wishes and suddenly you have entered into a comfort zone , this wait doesn’t seem that bad but it gives you some space and then you are actually no longer wanting that thing because if it comes  your present life will be changed – and change , most of us afraid. This is a negative side of the outcome of Patience that we have become comfortable  in the absence of that thing and we wish it never to end but still we want the tag  of Patience hang around our neck. Other side is more positive that you Wait and actually it is Wait  because you wish it would finish soon. The period of Waiting brings tranquility and poise. And you are in the touch of your very Soul. It’s a blessing in disguise . It will teach you the value of that thing/person and it will test the degree to which you need that thing/person in your life.

There are only two sides of something . In this case , either you wait Desperately or Patiently . In former situation , you are likely to be sad before getting the thing and even after getting the thing , because desperate mind arises expectations and possessive thoughts. In later , however you will be happy  both before and after you achieve that thing. But before getting that thing , happiness depends solely upon your attitude .

Desert Woman actually becomes for me  a sweet remembrance and a guiding star in the times of having Patience. I see her in my imagination standing under only tree of desert while her attire is dancing with the wind and her dry eyes are fixed on horizon , her lips then only utter three words – I am Waiting … I am Waiting … 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Symbols drawn from Life ~

Ever tried to bring out symbolic meaning from your life? Yeah ? No ? Oh ! It’s a funny game and very interesting too. Many thoughts , feelings , experiences happen or felt in our life which we overlook or don’t go in deep to find out more interpretations and different meanings. But if you try to find out different meanings from the incidents which happen in your life both internally and externally , you may find them as symbols of something more deeper.

In my childhood , I had fancy for Night Sky and Stars , for they would always take me on an imaginative ride , often into a different world . I now feel it was a symbol of an escape from the sinister world in which I found myself. Indeed , a Romantic Escape.

Later in my hostel life , I developed a strong liking for Mornings – they were too sacred , pure, calm and fresh … you could sometimes see through the rising sun , the patterns of sky were so unique and beautiful … all brought a fount of joy n happiness into my life. Liking for mornings was definitely a symbol of New Dawn in my life . I had just come out then from a dark hopeless night of my life , morning infused hope and happiness into my life.

From past few days , I feel Water is attracting me very much. Sitting in a restaurant , when I looked at an aquarium , I actually felt I am a fish and water is around me . When today , I sat for meditation , the image which appeared before my eyes was of a stream or fall  which was falling from the top of a rock and where it fell  the water was stable and deep , around it was a forest and some small rocks on which I saw myself sitting . While chanting the last of Aum , I felt myself drowning in the water. Drowning was not dangerous in fact it gave immense pleasure and satisfaction along with a mysterious feeling. Whole day I could feel the content and silence of that atmosphere inside me. I felt no urgency of expressing myself to anyone. I made no comments on Facebook though I tried to , and wrote no passionate messages , nothing …. Just drowned in nothingness. This I took as a symbol of drowning in the life – as water is a representative of life. Finding new , deeper meanings of life and having a feeling of content with serenity.

Deriving Symbols helped me to understand my present condition more properly. I am hopeful now . I feel I am no the right path . And I am on a new step of learning something new . Looking forward to untie more knots of symbols in life …

Sunday, April 4, 2010

5 n 6 word Stories...

My first attempt on five and six word stories --- 
Dunno how they have turned out --- 

More than Friends,  More Unsatisfied.

Lost. I am in Another World.

Lost Season 3. Will make Century.

Win Win Situation. I always Lose.

Don't Treat like that . Like Wh---

Some only understand one language - Love.

Sunday afternoon Romance. Long drive? 

Need more of you.And More...

Don't Cross! Its called Limit Line.

At least ! I am passed.

Blunder! I ran away with wrong man. 

Sundays and Saturdays. Empty Virtual Market.

Weekends really Boring for jobless people.

Ahh... all wrote spontaneously , here only ... I hope will come up with better ones. And deeper ones. :)

Adding some more -  

Loved my name . I changed it.

Loved my eyes. I disliked them.

I loved them. They all left.

Now love nobody except Life.

L S D ... is it all?

My Goodness! Was I blind?

Love's true. Lovers may be wrong.

Fount of Love - only Pure Heart !

Love or Hate - Be with me.

Huh!!! they r to be thrown in bin soon...

Take Care!

I felt today - u meet ur frnd five times a day and wish from Good morning to Good night with lots of wishes in between like take care , God bless u , be happy , keep smiling n so on... And not only this but before bidding adieu you wish - Take care at least ten times. Tc! bye.. ya ::::: ok now tc cya... hmm.. ::::::: ok ok now c u soon .. tc buh bye.. !!! What !!!!  

 I was telling this to one of my friend on phone, today, that now I think I am going to change this "roz ka magajmaari" ..."sab hataao , bahut gaya yaar".. After all we meet these frnds 5 times in a day... so... now wont say take care all the time.. people can take care of themselves , they will , even if we wont say these two words - or in very short meaningless  form - two letters.

Just the moment someone called him , he had to leave , in hurry he just said - I have to go , talk to u later - and in reply I just said two words - Take care!        

Redeeming Morning!

A soft hazy shine of morning sunlight covers the mackerel sky . When basking in this heavenly light , sprinkle a little water on your face and close your eyes. When soft breeze will fan your cheeks and morning light will diminishes the darkness of your inner eyes , you will feel you are standing on the top of mountain and the sky is embracing you , dismisses your sins and faults. You will feel the morning is redeeming , it is cleansing you , soothing you and you will feel you are bathing in a sea , its washing the dirt away...

Look above - the clouds are moving in a strange harmony and discipline as if they are heading towards a fixed destination. Who knows , if they are. Head bent at 180 degree , looking at the sky and moving clouds. Who is directing this motion picture? What an incredible show of nature? Is it an art too? If yes , whose art? They stir a strange emotion - fills the gap of loneliness and tells we are here ... we are something alive too like you. Yes , Alive , the very word , which I needed at this moment.

From the diary of Anna

I need to write something , or I will die tonight.
I have taken pain killers. Still there is pain. So much pain. I dont care. I have other ways. I will write and engage myself in ......
Talked to Cathy in my dreams. Saw her - rarely happy - always in the doldrums. There is conflict. There is fear. She is lonely. She is afraid of being wrong , yet poor she knows she is wrong. She saw a dream - that heaven will not accept her n threw her again on earth and she has come on the top of her house , yet she is happy , because perhaps she didn't want to lose her playmate whom she loved. She is cruel , she is ruthless , she is ....
Whatever! She died. But I know she is not peaceful in her grave. He asked her to haunt him.
I was wondering whom I will haunt after my death.
I wish I could know it this moment.
Some childhood wishes never alter.
I still have one and only wish --- Leave it!
I know you are not interested.
My words will be read again- again read between in lines - when I will perish ....


From the diary of Anna

Last night I couldn't sleep ... I didn't find the same comfort in your arms ... I was agitated , you were perfectly calm and slept like a baby . I wonder how babies easily forget their mistakes and crimes , they have no conscience... they are the most happy creature and selfish too. 
I gazed the star  not all night long , because my tears blurred my sight after some half an hour. You didn't feel any cold hot droplets on your chest. You were too lost in your dream , weren't you? Oh I forgot ! its my personal diary , you wont be interested to read , I mean able to read and so , wont be able to understand my question , I mean answer my question.
 Whatever! I shall take a break from my usual course. Whack... !!! I wanna break my fist.... 
Love yaaa...

Friday, April 2, 2010

ZzZzZzzz.. H0RR0R!!!

15..14..13.. Time is creeping , I am sleeping , no no not sleeping but feeling sleepy , before clock strikes 3 pm I shall meditate (sleep) a little. I closed my eyes ... Darkness everywhere... I tried to look for some light . But it was terrible dark inside - outside. I moved ahead , cautiously . Fear is lurking inside but I have to be bold. I know I am alone, this room is empty. But I can hear some whispers , are they conspiring against someone? Or are they talking about me? Any time I can be attacked. I will have to keep my eyes wide open. Though it is still dark and I can not see a thing. Jesus! What's this? I saw a white patch in the middle of the air. No its not possible let me see - there is something solid. I touched it , its a wall. A white big patch in the wall , only visible thing in that dark hall. It looked like a corpse covered with shroud. Thank God ! Its not Egypt and there can be no mummies. Now I can see something , my eyes are getting accustomed to the darkness. More white patches ... Oh! How many ! And... Something black is there , I went near , as I was about to touch it , I realized its ... its a Spider . Looked above , spider webs were hanging above my head . I moved ahead and again threw a glance around me. A continuance slow sound of cracking so I again looked above , a very clumsy fan . Now I was not as afraid as before . Thoughts are freely coming to my mind. Is it a Medieval Castle ? Or a Haunted place? Its hot and barren and so dull that I feel more sleepy . I can see many ghosts around me . But they are harmless poor ghosts , some are dozing off like me , some are tensed , some are just lost in some other world. They are all poor sad ghost - one like me!.... My reverie broke as the bell made horrible sound , I opened my eyes , felt I was watching a dream - a dream of haunted place which was so similar to this place - My Examination Hall. Yes , I slept 15 minutes ... Exam time Nightmare and Horror. I just wish they had a fairy kinda place rather than ghost like at least I would see a good romantic dream .

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