Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dating .... :P

Now a days I am dating .. yeah ! Dating Myself ! :D
Sounds great , right?
Ah! Its not that I don't have anyone to date with ... really ! But I love to date myself.. its fun + its safe :P
So , yesterday was feeling low , no no definitely was not in doldrums but I was physically not well... Well , I didn't sleep  2 days n 1 night , and I felt somehow this night is gonna be the same - sleepless waking nightmare kinda.. 
But don't know suddenly from where I got a superb idea - to enjoy my illness , to keep busy myself in one or the other thing so that I could forget all pains. I sat on net, and charged my mp3 player , it was almost 12 am , I desperately wanted to sleep , my eyelids had become heavy , but no , I just couldn't lie down on bed. And I felt a bit hungry too - as whole day I didn't eat anything except bread. 
Ah! suddenly , my heart leaped , face brightened as soon as the idea factory got started... what about a classy date?? Mind argued - At this hour? Heart said - Y not?  Lets do some fun. Mind got upset - But with whom ... not feeling like calling up anyone at this hour. Heart laughed on this - eh.. you need no one to be happy - you need only yourself - means all of us in a harmony - heart , mind , soul ... Mind pondered a little on this thought - hm... yeah you are true. So what to do then? Heart jumped once , rolled down , giggled and shouted --- Lets Party !

Alas! Party without foods and drinks... whatever - who cares! Enjoy even in a bite if you can not get whole cake. So , I burned a candle , placed it on a slab and rolled the curtain so the light was hazy and soft. Played loud soft music of Berlin's Take My Breath Away in my ears ...! and slow motion dance ! Waooo.... I am Happy ! I forgot my pain for sometime. And after the party got over , I slept .... 

Everyone has to get a way out of daily tumults to be happy . It depends on us , our own attitude. Happiness too swiftly flies away, but then for what we have got hands , catch that , chase that and you will see its more easier to get happiness than any other desirable thing . 
Have a Happy Sunday ! :)

Friday, March 26, 2010

when "Nothing" Speaks -

I am getting  weird thoughts and feelings these days , among them one really glowed within me.It is like that the word "Nothing" is like an empty bowl - but never take an "empty bowl" for its "emptiness" , never forget it contains the air. Same with the word "nothing" ,  it contains one or the other meaning each time you speak. For instance - you are sitting idly and your friend calls up and asks - "Hey maddy wats up? wat r u doing?" And you cut short in one word - "nothing"... but are you not sitting idly? You are doing at least something. Again , if you are in love with someone , and he knows nothing of it , every time  you are thinking of him and he asks - "wat r u thinking?" You ignore deliberately and say - "Nothing" ... here Nothing means more than any "everything" can mean. 

"Nothing" can not ever mean "nothing" and sometimes it means more than "everything". In King Lear , Lear says to Cordelia,  when she replies in just one word ; "nothing", upon being asked How much she loves her father - "Nothing comes out of Nothing" ... But at the end he realizes , Cordelia's "Nothing" was "Everything" because she dies for her father as she had loved him most. 

When there is so much in your heart , so much that you can not heave your heart into your mouth , the only word escapes your tongue is "nothing". It is a popular saying that - when girls say "nothing" there is definitely something behind that. Its true! this I feel and know. But another thing - this word has so depth ,and which each time vary with its context , that you can never fathom its depth. 

What a crazy thought again - you sing a song for your gf - "Nothing gonna change my love for you..." This nothing from a boy's side may also have some meaning like - "My love may change though , if you get changed? or if you become fatty? or may be if u start paying less attention to me?"  :P 
Well It proves that not only girl's "nothing" has some meaning even a guy's "nothing" can also have lot of depth... !!! 

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Love for Lunatic!

She was on the brink of mountain. She put out her one leg . Her eyes was looking through the mist.                                             
Suddenly Vishal clutched her from behind. 
Are you mad? What the hell you think of yourself.
I want to die Vishal.
He slapped her tightly. And started walking without taking her hand. 
She sat there looked through the mist. 
Meaningless mad Words were coming out of her mouth --- u said .. u loved me.. u love me.. u hate me.. i hate myself.. but i love myself too...i love u too... i dont know wat is love.. but i thought it was love.. i am afraid.. i m lost.. y it happens.. y we have to live.. y cant we die... y we want to die... see the evening... see the clouds.. they r .. they r .. so lovely... so happy... i want to become a cloud...
She didn't know when Vishal came and put his arms around her. He gently kissed her forehead and rested her head on his chest. Misha cried passionately as soon as she got the warmth of his body. He was crying too somewhere silently. She sobbed n said something.. Vishaal could only hear ... y do u bear wd me.. I m lunatic leave me.. leave me.. leave mee.. lemme lemme die... 
hush! .. Vishaal patted her back. Whispered in her ears - Love you.. ! I love you Mish.. I love you..
The whole valley was echoed - with the soft gentle sound of Vishal... with the sacred word - Love..!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

P.S. after accident! Bleeding somewhere...

[I would have never written again about Jeanie or her life but I couldn't hold back when I got to know about this accident .]

Jeanie is in a hospital.
She tried to cut her vein. She would have surely died if only her good hearted neighbour would not have taken her to the hospital.

Its been 3 days She neither spoke to anyone , nor cried and never smiled. The doctor who is in charge of her is really worried to see her like this. From the day she opened her eyes , she did nothing , spoke nothing , asked nothing , only cried and that too silently. To see her eyes always drowned in tears - doctor was moved. He always tried to engage her in a conversation but then she would not reply , not even look into his eye. 

(On Sunday morning. Around 9 am. )

Doc - Good Morning Jeanie!
J- (No reply) (Jeanie is gazing outside the window which is in front of her bed, where she is sitting.)
Doc- ( uncomfortably ) It is a sunny morning , isn't it? I love mornings . Do you love mornings Jeanie?
J - (Still no reply)
Doc - (after her usual check up) Everything is good with you . You are recovering very fast. In few days , you will be absolutely fit and fine.
J - (She looks into his eyes with blank expression) I dont wish to be fine.
Doc - (Startled by her reply) But why? Don't you want to go back to your home?
J - I don't have any home.
Doc. - (Now trying to engage her in a conversation) What about your friends? You must be having people around you who love you?
J - I have no one.
Doc- (after a slight pause) But you can't always stay here.
J - I want to stay here only . I find peace over here. (her eyes are fixed on some children who are playing in the garden.... suddenly her eyes become watery. )
Doc - (Touched more deeply) Do you love kids?
J- (After a minute's silence as if she was struggling with some thought) Yes, I do .. very much.
Doc. - (suddenly changing the topic) And do you love hills?
J - (again looks into his eyes) Yes , I do. I love nature. I think perhaps she has some healing powers.
Doc - And..(her innocent stare disturbs him... he stammers..) And ... would you ... would you like to go to some.. some hilly place?
J - (Ignoring the question. Lest her hopes should destroy her again ) I go there.. In dreams... I often go at such place... my Zion... my heart .... I dream and go .. day and night I dream of such places....
Doc - (Interrupting her) Jeanie! Jeanie I will leave this place in two days. I have got posting in Assam . Would you like to accompany me there?
J- (passionately) Me?But why me? 
Doc - Because you need a change of place. Since you love hills and by chance I am going to live at such place I wanted you to come with me. You will recover very fast there. (Now smiles with confidence) Think about it Jeanie and let me know. Have a Happy Sunday !

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Elixir of ill Souls !

They said - 

-- Annoy
-- Irritate
--Suck d blood
--N Suck d life too
From her body n Soul

But She is -
--d Earth
--d Ocean
--d Sky
--d River

Can you annoy them?
Can you take out life from them?

They are elixir of all ill souls..
May they cure thee!
May God bless thy ignorant soul!

In silence....

The Breeze said ,
Dew Drops aren't so sacred
As your tears - 
A tear dropped down so tersely.

The Night said,
My darkness isn't so amiable,
As your fears - 
My fear clutched me more furiously.

Moon said ,
My moonbeams aren't so loyal
As your heart with your soul - 
I put my hand on my heart.

Heartbeats , beating fast
In drum like discipline,
They said slowly - 
We are with you 
Countless in number

 Like small diamonds of a rich necklace,

One by one 
Living and dying
In soft cadence
Say, thus,  they to me - 
Meet us in silence
Meet your soul too
because we are here just by you
For you,
And only for you....

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Vicky was my boy friend in Banasthali. He was the only one who would make me laugh whenever I was depressed in that dull and monotonous environment. I met him in my first year. How can I forget that time - those lovely days! Our hostel was a big one - and my room no. was 30 (I am so possessive for no. 3 so I took it intentionally) . Well , my neighbors were only people with whom I had any good relations and they became my good friends with time . Their room no. was 31 the last one in the wing. Well , as Banasthali is a women institution , Boys are strictly - Not Allowed. But I was talking about Vicky. So  how I met him ! It was an accident . One morning he came to our hostel (still don't know the reason) . And in my first year I was a bubbly girl , used to jump in corridor , and where ever the music played , I was the first person to dance and create a environment of Masti and Fun. Well , that morning also I was in my usual cheery mood. As soon as I saw a different creature than Girls (we were literally fed up of the sights of girls everywhere) ... I shouted ... eeeeeeee.... see my Boy friend. And from that day Vicky had become my boyfriend. My friends would tease me whenever he would come in the morning (just to meet me - as I always thought) . I was so much enjoying their teasing and all that if anyone would call him - Monkey ! I would blush and reply - Dont call him a Monkey , he is my boy friend. lol ! Even when my little brother asked me if I had any boy friend - I told him - yes , Vicky! The innocent chap believed me ... but when I told him that he was not a man but a monkey , he didn't believe me ...   but when I finally convinced him , he also started teasing me by the name - Vicky. 

Well, by this incident I wanted to show my love for monkeys or a relation with them (though I am very afraid of them , but I love to tease them ). Now come to the point , what happened with me two days back . In the morning around 7 am I went to upstairs to study . I prepared myself with all necessary things (as if I was going on a picnic) . I took a carpet , my mobile , keys of room , some eatables :P and yeah books too. So I sat on floor , though I was feeling sleepy , I was trying hard to concentrate. Suddenly , I felt something in my hairs , in my morning drowsy state , first thought came - who dares to pull my hairs? I looked back... was mum ... it was a monkey ... a moment's stillness... I looked into his eyes ... he peeped into mine... he opened his jaw ... and I shouted ... aaaa mummyyyyyyyy!!!!!! And straight ran away  inside . Still I was shivering. The very first thing I did was - recalling all the names of Gods and their state of jobs and affairs. Then , my face glowed - Hanuman ji... yes... I pleaded - Please Hanuman ji take care of my things --- (   first - mobile , keys then yeah books too) ... please! please! please!... while praying constantly my mind was struggling with thoughts like - (I never pray to Hanuman ji.... kya sochenge wo... wo meri help kyun karenge?  kyun nahi karenge... monkeys unki baat zarur sunenge) please god save my things... huh!!! Now ... I collected my courage , opened the door slightly , peeped outside. No Monkey! Thank God! Thank you Hanuman ji... (gratitude came from my heart). All things are safe. But I couldn't study afterthat. I knew this. All forces are working against my will of studying , can't help :P  But whatever ! I promised myself to never venture on new ideas like this. And then whole day I spent in entertaining everyone by this incident... :)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A lie

I wrote my feelings , 
My emotions , my old stories , 
My fears , my dreams
On a wall
On a dove - white wall
With a dove - white chalk

I wrote them 
On a white glow paper
With a white glow candle.

Now Read it!
Why can't you read it?
 You said you can read my mind,
You can read my eyes,
Were they only hollow words?
Was that a pseudo love's expression?

Now Enough!
Enough of your sugar words!
I will not be allured 
I will be smart and shrewd 
No more will I be sweet and submissive
As I have found my early youthful mistakes
And that how naive I was.

Now! Hush....
No more enticing words
I know the acid Truth
Which has burnt me deep
But it has woken me up 
From deep sloom of a lie ...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What a Crap! - A Women's Day?

Why the hell we are celebrating women's day? - Ask Yourself and Tell me.

I had it in my mind to write about women as it was their day yesterday. But I couldn't write anything , because
I think I have developed antipathy for almost all special "days" save Festivals. Festivals have their own charm , they are like a break from normal dull routine and their purpose are  religious , social and mental . But what about other special days? National days are good. But we have almost forgotten them . That is the irony of our modern life - we remember all trifle things while we tend to forget important dates and days. 

So, all of you celebrate Friendship day , Valentine's day , may be others like Rose day , Chocolate day .... and yeah Women day , which is as trifle as all these days. No , I think Friendship Day is more serious among all , at least we do not pamper our friends or make new friends on that day , neither we forget them after wards. But take Valentine's Day , people celebrate it with so much enthusiasm as if its only one and last day to express Love . And women day , you can beat women , insult her , dominate her all other days but you must celebrate one day to feel proud that how much you have been civilized.

All over the world , people are talking about women and issues related to them. India is , I guess , over - excited. May be this excitement is an effort to hide the truth that India is still lagging behind in development of women power. I am not as disappointed with bubble of excitement on women issues , which I am sure will cool down in few days , but with commercializing on women's day. I heard on radio , how so many schemes were being popularized , I don't know how it is beneficial for companies but my views on this are different. Why private companies , shops and malls introduce such schemes on special days and specially sensitive days like this? It is commercializing , they should better do some socializing (if they are so much concerned about women ) and provide help in other good ways. 

Discussion , Laws , Advertisements even sometimes literary piece like this article don't do anything except stir a little enthusiasm to do something useful . We should take our ideas and thoughts and intentions further than this... I may sound an idealist but I have heard - Nothing is Impossible because it only says - I M Possible. 
So , what are we waiting for? At least we can be gentle enough not to politicize and commercialize any sensitive day and instead do a little towards in the issue's direction. Like , did you wish your mother? Or did something in your sister's favor? Whether it is to guide her , motivate her or understand her? Did you ask your wife's problem ? Your wife or girl friend will never speak her true problem until you understand her or ask her.  Make your daughter realize what being woman means and show what responsibilities are attached to this gender. I am sure you have almost forgotten your grandmother , just be kind to her and give her love. And , last but not least , never thought about your "kaam wali bai" :P lolz.. ! don't think dirty , she is also a woman , she has as much right of respect as your mother and sister. So , stop talking all crap , apply your thoughts in your actions and life. Celebrate Women's  Day - Everyday ! :)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

American Beauty? No , Just Beauty!

Read John Keats , my mind was already perplexed coz of his thoughts on beauty are really of complex nature. And now I watched American Beauty! Great Movie! But I regret I couldn't watch it properly. However ,  one scene of movie , I can not forget. Its when the hero shows heroine his video clips and among those clip , there is a clip of , "Dancing Bag and lots of yellow leaves" ... He says - There are plenty of beautiful things in this world , and I am afraid I would not be able to capture and store all of them. His conception of beauty more confuses me when he shoots a dead bird and upon being asked why he is shooting it , he says - because it is beautiful. 

Beauty --- The only word , brings all pictures in front of our eyes , which we think are beautiful . They may be , face of your beloved , rain at night , high mountains , your baby sleeping in his mother's arms , lovely blue frock which you wore on your last b'day , a night camp - fire with all of your friends... and alike.

A thing of beauty - you can admire , love , respect , desire. It gives Joy no doubt , but it makes me sad too. Beauty must die. But moreover , what about those things which are not beautiful in people's eye. They attract me. The things which go unnoticed , they call me. I hear their call... look at them and say in lowly voice - " Oh you poor poor things... you are also beautiful! and lovely in your own way... "

One more beautiful aspect of Beauty  which touched me a lot is - few things which are really sad are really beautiful. The beauty of their is elevating , gentle , full of pathos. As John Keats says ,  Though Spring's songs are lovely . Autumn has its own song too...  So , unnoticed beauty is also beauty , and less beautiful things are still beautiful. You only need a heart and an sympathetic eye to find out and admire a beautiful thing.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A dreamy wife of a cop

I have a net friend , whom I met today itself. He  is preparing for IPS . This poem is dedicated to him. It is a mockery on wives of cops who adore them and idealize them as a brave cop but they are always complaining of their job only. It is a funny contradiction in their nature.

A dreamy wife of a cop

Oh my ideal husband!
Oh my dear ,dear cop!
You remember that letter
Which on my b’day you wrote?

How lovely it was!
Full of lover’s tales
Replete of my praise
And love’s woe’s gales .

In my dreams at that time
You would come as
A brave cop and more brave
Or holding medals in dress.

But my sad heart will cry
So sad at noon and night,
When you will be far away
On duty or some fight.

Love! Oh my dear love,
Oh my brave dear cop!
Why you need to go away from me,
Why you need to do this job?

Now! Don’t turn away your face
Hold me in your arms
Hold my gaze, tell me
Don’t you love my charms?

Oh dear! Be just my lover !
And Adore my art,
You have conquered the world
If you have conquered my heart.

Sometimes I think....

Sometimes I think
I am an over trodden way,
An over used paper,
An over ridden bicycle,
An over sung melody …

I am a guitar ,
An over played old guitar,
With broken strings
And had lost love of player.

I am a leaf,
Proud of being at liberty,
But suddenly broken into hundred pieces
When crushed under your feet.

I was a life once
I used to wear smile
Now my weary eyes
Wear dark circles only
Thick , round black clouds of sinful days.

I was sunk in lust
Ignored your love’s Ganga
Lost in abyss of Hell
Avoided your call of Heaven.

But …
Oh ! Vile you left my hand
To let me sunk more in mud
To let me drown more in death
Why ? Why didn’t you hold me tight
Why didn’t you fight
And get me back
If you say you really Loved me?
Why you left me on my destiny
Didn’t you know?
Love could change the Fate
And bring back even dead from Hell’s gate?

Der wos en angel - June ! - 2

                                   “Wot z ur nem?” June broke the silence first. “Mine? Oh… I am called Siddhartha.”… “seddaratta??”… Siddhartha could not stop laughing at the funny accent of June. Then controlling his laugh , he said looking into her eyes , with adding soft touch to his voice , “You can call me just Sid .” “Sid… luv da nem … ven did ye born sid?” “Me? Well… on spring’s first full moon night.” “Det sounds relly romantic..” and with saying this June twinkled her eyes. Their eyes were still locked into each other’s eyes … a long moment’s silence made them forgot all differences between them : earthly and heavenly .  Suddenly June’s gaze fell down. Sid didn’t notice the change in June’s mood , he was still stupefied  by the immortal beauty of this angel. June without looking at him turned her back and begins to walk towards her home’s direction. Sid is taken aback by her sudden action. He shouts and calls her back , but she walks with a more fast pace. She ignores his calls… but Sid runs after her ; a different emotion bubbles up in him. When he reaches just behind June , unintentionally he holds her hand. June is stunned , she looks accusingly at him. “Leav mi hand.”  . Now conscious of his act , he leaves the clutch of her hand. Momentary touch and life time’s imprisonment. June said , “Wot u wont?”  “I want to know you.” June looked into her eyes , tried to fathom the meaning of his reply. Then after a brief pause she said , “I must leave right now… will meet ye tomorrow here in morning.” Saying this , she disappeared in forests. Sid , who was left behind, was wondering if this was a dream or reality. If this was a dream , then he didn’t want to wake up and if this was the reality , he would never want to sleep. Well At night , when his eyes were weary , he tried to sleep but he was restless … restless to meet the angel tomorrow… restless to see the divine beauty ….
(to be continued..)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Der wos en angel - June ! - 1

 - 1

June was wandering in the woods to collect her favorite flowers from which she will make a crown of flowers . She walks with agile steps and sometimes she stops for a second to look at her dress – a purple pink gown ,  “Wow! Thiiz a prity gown…..How nice me feeling wid it” . She has collected so many flowers – soft white n mushy purple little flowers. After this she searched a place where she could sit and make her crown. It was a small rock near stream . Happy she was as today was her birthday , she sang beautiful melodies which mingled with the soft breeze produced a heavenly effect.

She was so lost in her singing that suddenly she realized a background music to her song was coming from the other side of stream. She abruptly stopped singing and after a minute music also stopped. Curiosity lead her to other side of stream, but alas! No one was there. She went into woods too but then she heard no sound and no inkling of the sound too. She was walking rather sadly on her way back , as she was crossing the stream by balancing herself on pebbles, her leg suddenly slipped and she fall down. She would have enjoyed such unexpected humorous incident but then a laughter distracted her and made her feel embarrassed . She stood up on her legs again , this time called on all forces to hold her tightly as she does not fall again . Now she spotted a young handsome man on the side of stream from where the sound of music came. She went to him boldly and asked in her angelic accent , “ wot med u laugh like thiiz?” The boy was startled to look at the beauty of this fair angel ; June . He felt as if the Nymph or the goddess whose name he was not able to recollect , has herself appeared before him..aahh… ya Venus ! she looked like Venus to him.

 “Wot are ye lookin at mee?” Afraid of such heavenly beauty , he could scarcely speak , he said – “I am sorry . Are you hurt?” . June replied plainly – “No. … are ye a man?” Puzzled by such a question , he looked at himself for a second and then stupidly replied – “ Ye I am a man, I think so. But are you a goddess?” June laughed at this and playfully said – “why! I am not to giveee ye blessings.. me no goddess… I am an angel …” Now it was boy’s turn to laugh , he said “ are you kidding me? Angel! Ha ha ha… I don’t believe you girl.. from where do you come.” Angry on such words , she compelled to show him that she was an angel , she looked here n there and then got an idea. She went near stream , looked down and found so many little fishes swimming under water. She called up , “peri ..little peri.. wher thou aar?” To boy’s surprise , a fish jumped up and around that fish whom June called peri all fishes gathered , it was an unbelievable sight for boy. June talked to peri very casually , “helloo peri.. hws ye today ?” Peri replied in a friendly gaiety , “hey happy birthday angel… I am gud , playing with my mates.” June replied , “thanki peri.. meet mi new mate , a man..he iz” Peri looked at the man curiously and addressed June again , “  A man ! indeed ! be aware angel..” peri leaped into water again and disappeared in a few minutes. The boy who was watching all this asked June impatiently , “how do you know the language of fishes?” June who was grinning and feeling proud of her art replied , “ cz me an angle” , boy looked at her from head to toe , then he rather said to himself . “such beauty can’t be a mortal beauty” , he then asked her “what is your name?” , “June ...n its mi bu'ddi today”,  she cheerfully replied , “ oh! happy birthday June..” . The boy wished her but his wits were fully gone by now. 
(to be continued...)

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