Thursday, November 26, 2009

Diary –

8.00 am

Life is slow here…so slow that you can stop for a moment and hear your heartbeats… so slow that you can even visualize your past , present and future… but sorry I am not at all interested in this scale of time …I want to meet time without its limitations… I want to feel the vastness of each second as it passes….

Right now I am on the terrace … my back is towards the morning’s sun and I am looking at my old school …. Between my house and my school we have a little pond sort of thing … And I am looking into it… the water is shallow…I hear the chirping of birds… I look up… the sky is full of small birds… Its pretty morning!

I have just filled up two bowls with water for birds… I dunno whether they will drink from it or no but I have done my duty… oh ! nooo again I am being philosophical॥ I hate my this mood। :)
….. Time is still … not its not I am aware.. its only my illusion but its nice to feel that time is still… have you ever felt this way?? Have you ever heard a bird’s song? Do you know what does she sing about? And what that tree in front of you is thinking about? May be that tree is smiling at you? Have you ever talked to a tree , thinking that he might be listening it? Llolzz… you must be thinking that I have gone mad. But no I am missing emptiness which I felt at my PG. Sometimes I felt there that time has stopped and I am left with nothing alive in this world. I had no one to talk to and someone said to me that loneliness is worst the disease . And I have experienced it. When nobody was there to listen to me I made two friends – one is Ashoka tree… I would call him Ashoka… I would shake my hand with its branch …. :0 .. missing him too much. Sometimes you are attached with things and you only realize it when you are away from them.

Right now I am looking at the shadow of bushes in the water… I love it so much! Once I thought I would make a house near lake or stream where I will listen to the sound of water… watch splendid views… the sunset and moon’s shadow in the water….
Oh my God! I wish we would have to live only to appreciate the beauty of nature and your artistic works :) ….

Thank you God for many many things :)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Fairy Tale

“Brother , give me the romote”, shouted Mary in her brother’s ears and he shouted back , “Go to the another tv।” She replied that the channel she wanted to watch is not coming in that tv. Her brother didn’t bother to reply . Mary again pleaded, “ Brother please let me watch my movie.” Her brother , William asked , “Which movie?” Mary replied , “Ella Enchanted”. “Oh ! you and your stupid fairy tales ... go away with them.” said brother. Mary had a tear in her eyes . She said nothing and went away.

Mary was a soft - hearted girl. It was really not her fault that she believed in all these "stupid fairy tales". When her classmates would date with their boyfriends she would busy herself in her own world, she goes up to the terrace , watch the moon and the stars and imagines about a different kind of universe - she had her own magic world in which she believed immensly. Mary's brother didn't let her watch her story's end. Poor Mary! she felt terribly bad. As she went upstairs she stopped for a moment , closed her eyes , took a deep breath and said to herself firmly and loudly - 'Don't worry Mary ... you will have a beautiful end of your fary tale.'

Mary cried a lot that night . She wished there was a hole in the world from which she escape and be a part of vast universe. Oh! her imaginations of different world are terrific. Mary didn't realise when did she fell asleep. But when she opened her eyes it was early dawn. Sun was still behind those serene hills. She went outside on the terrace. It was a little chill today. The pole star and the moon were still visible in the sky. The whole atmosphere was calm and heavenly. Mary was enchanted for a moment, she felt as if she was in another world. She closed her eyes and a vision popped-up in her mind - she was standing on the top of hill... and she was in the most beautiful attire . She was looking at the hill from where sun was going to show up. Down the hill , there was a large river... and the sound of water was alluring. The whole view was so splendid that it did some magic over her. It all happened in few moments. And after this she saw the bright red sun was up on the hill. The morning's sun's rays are always dim and soothing but today its rays were so strong that it blinded Mary for some moment.And in those few moments she had another vision - A prince was looking into her eyes. He was strong , tall and had preety large black eyes.... and ... "Mary .... Mary ..... Mary... " Someone shouted and Mary turned back. "What the hell you are doing outside so early hmm? ... You would become an ince-cream... its so chill out here...come inside." Mary followed her brother quietly. As she was about to enter her home she once again looked at the star and the moon and then at the bright sun. It was a divine experience. She felt a power within her. It spoke to her and said - there is certainly everything which you believe in Mary. If you believe in fairy world... the gates of it are open for you , if someone only believe in what he sees he would never be able to see beyond it. Mary smiled and gave a slap on her head and said to herself - "I am so stupid." The voice spoke again - "There is no harm in little stupidity, is there?" .....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Our fevicol Bond

Its about me and my best friend. She wrote this in her blog so I thought why not display it on my blog too. So here it is -

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Yesterday me and my sister discussed 3 hours about some topic and the topic was - What affects our life Destiny or Free will? Our life is ruled by our destiny or our own actions?
Her view was that everything happens because of our destiny. Our destiny is already written and no one can change it . Wahi hoga jo hona hai . Our destiny is pre-decided. Then she added free will works where we talk of our behaviour. Its up to us how we behave at certain moment and it affects us somewhere. She believes in - Leni deni ... jisse leni deni likhi hoti hai ussi se hamara rishta judta hai. She believes in past life's karma which affects us in our present life. In conclusion , she means that whatever we do its because it is written in our destiny and we are helpless in a way.
While my point was that destiny is certainly there but for example we are given two choices for two destinies and now its our decision which decides our destiny. At some moments in our life our decision changes our destiny. Or I said that whatever is written in our destiny we can certainly fight with it and change it with our will. But she says that if we fight and reach to our goal its again because of our destiny.
So now after 3 hours discussion we reached no where . I heard her but her opinion didnt change mine now I would like to listen your opinions. It might help to draw some conclusion or clear some confusions.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Wrestling with my Soul

I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.

They said once,
“She is not for this world”
And my soul went away
She left my adobe,
My misanthropy world,
My guilt-ridden heart,
My mortal body.

And now she lives in
Fanciful forests,
She drinks from
Eternal brook,
I look!
I envy!
I too pine for such ecstasy.

Here again,
I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.

Sunday, November 1, 2009



I am crushed ,down and broken. What do I do now? Where to go ? Whom to ask? I live in Mumbai and here if you want to find answers go to the “mother sea” . She is vast , deep , infinite ,healer, mystic and like.

So, I have come to the “mother sea” to get healed. As soon as I saw people with their families, kins , friends , lovers I suddenly felt a tide in my heart. .. and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I did not stop myself… I cried my heart out… after all it is the first step of Healing .

I am calmed down and looking at the sea. How wonderful it is! My mind starts reflecting the whole thing again. I am a “loser” or perhaps I am the most insignificant thing in this world. I have lost my boy friend (Why the hell did I believe him when he said he loved me?) I have lost my best friend , I have nobody ‘special’ in my life or rather I am not special in anybody’s life. So , I decided to break off from everyone because I really am not in mood to commit suicide nor do I want to feel insignificant anymore.

One question pop-up in my mind now which always terrified me – “Who will cry when I will die?” Earlier my immature heart imagined that at least my close ones would grieve my loss but now … well I think I will leave no one behind me who will seriously miss me. And believe me this gives a sense of freedom – though strange freedom it is!

Look at this ocean! It is so mysterious. It seems like a thousand year old monk. It carries eternal wisdom and deep knowledge. How it would have become such a vast ocean? Certainly it is no one day miracle. The sea must have suffered a lot , endured a lot to become what it is now. Even nature suffers then are our sufferings unnatural?

The ocean , in the middle , seems to be very still but it is constantly moving. So, the mother sea teaches to “move on”. But my heart asked , “Does it mean to leave all relations (and troublesome things) behind and move on?” And a motherly voice replied back , “It simply means to Forget and Forgive , Accept whatever comes to your way and move on.” And then my heart said to me , Listen ! how the breaking waves create sweet melody. It teaches that even breaking means producing a soft sound. So enjoy the music because remember the waves again go back and come forth with same vitality –this is called “ to live” … crushed , broken and still do not cease to sing.

After the sunset , it has grown dark . I can not see people’s faces and nor they can see mine , so it means I can express my anguish , can cry loudly but no I don’t want to cry anymore , it seems the “mother sea” has soaked all my tears. My heart is light. And as I walk on the busy streets , my heart is again pulsating with happy beats – I call them “Mumbai beats”.

Sand !!!

It is not worthy in your eyes I know --- but these occurred in my heart once and thus they carry my heart’s one portion with them …..

Unknown to me yet!

You were nothing
Little grains of sand
In my hand
And As I tried to clutch you tightly
I started to lose you slowly
You slipped from my hands.

With you it seemed
Whole ocean was in my hand
I see myself scattered on the sand.

Yours only,

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