Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

It was a strange morning. In fact a strange day. It started all mysterious , a kind of you can call an omen. But through out the day she fought with her mental miseries, spiritual... loop-holes , if I can call that, and if you can still understand the gravity of it. "I wish I had been earning." S.J. kept muttering it all evening. And at the end a tiny-soft echo was heard in the sky , " Are you not earning? Earning enough of values - patience, tolerance, acceptance !!! what not ! They are priceless. And so what you have earned is also Priceless. No one can take it away from you. It will neither destroy nor change. It will only grow and grow more with each moment. " "Enough of that ! I don't want it. I am a simple human being." S.J. cried out. "Oh really ! I thought you will never forget who you are. A sweet angel. A true warrior princess and..." "Stop it please. You know its the most important period in life. I want everything perfec...

I WISH I could listen to what you had to say.

Its been almost two years since I am struggling with the question - what I want to do. Its not that I don't know what my interests are, but I have no idea what to do with them. (?) Today was another shock at career front. Faced another big failure when I missed the opportunity for Phd. Actually it was my mistake. Mistake of Ignorance. But I can't help it. Unconsciously I wanted to miss it. Gggrrrhhh... I seriously dunnoo... whether I will be a Big Mess, Big Loser, or a Seagull who learns the secrets of high Flight. Just watch me out !

S.J. woke up early today. While waiting for the Sun to rise, she looked into her heart. Is it like yesterday inside there? Is she restless? depressed? sad? Is there any black out? No. The light was peeping in through all the little holes she had made by "enlightening thoughts". The thoughts and ideas of Great Masters who lived or still living on this earth. Messihas eh? A smile appeared at the corner of her lips, she said to herself, " The great teachers of our world, are they any different from us? Like, eight legs and twelve hands? Or with super powers which can create many universes? Were they always like how they appear now? ... "  S.J. knew the answers to all her questions, she said, " No. They are no different than us. It is just that, they listened the voice of their hearts more often and more clearly than us. That they were also broken and hurt and lived in the middle of chaos, disturbed mind and perturbed soul but they never wavered from their faith ...

dreams...dreams....dreams... I am talking about those which you see with close eyes, which show you the other world, takes you into your unconscious and reveal to you the secrets hidden deep in your soul. I am a dreamer. Both with open and close eyes. I can't stop dreaming and dreams can't help coming to me. Since childhood , I had been watching strange smoky dreams. The silly thing is , I still remember most of them, as if they have become a part of my reality, a part of my own being. I don't know whether they shaped me or I created them but they seem to me as real as real incidents can be. After my last night dream, (early morning dream) it occurred to me to write a series on my dreams. To pen down, every detail and their probable meanings.  I like to interpret dreams. I might not be able to write them in their proper order, but anyway, they will help a lot to reveal what my unconscious is like - oh, don't mind if its too dirty or dark , I bet, yours is neither b...

" Don't you feel like Puking sometimes? Spitting out everything you had kept chewing till now. Things you haven't told anyone because you found them too silly or unimportant or temporary? Things you fear to speak out only because it might spoil other's mood? Things you don't speak because you like to escape feelings? You like to keep them to yourself, buried deep down? Because you think you don't fit anywhere? Because you are embarrassed to say you are lonely? Because you are a liar ? Because you are a coward that you cant utter the truth ? Don't you think, things would have been better, if everyone could speak truth about how they feel and everyone could forgive each other for it. "

"It is always the Nightmare, after a Happy Dream, isn't it mom?" "No, nothing is always alike. It depends on you." "Then why I always choose that?" "Because you are an unhappy child, (like your  mother.)"

After that terrible feeling had subsided, and S.J. had become as comfortable as she could speak to herself about it, and she spoke these words , “I want to tell you something. Today I experienced it again, although for a fraction of second but I did it and I got to know why it happened to me in my childhood. It happened because I was terribly lonely. And it happened today because … I was lonely. I hear voices when I am lonely. They tell me they are lonely too. They tell me they want to talk to me. I know it is fake, it is made-up in my mind but I still believe it, I believe they exist and talk to me, because I am lonely, and I want to hear them myself. I can’t tell you, how lonely I have been in my life. And you can never know how lonely it is to stay alone inside four walls for a long long time… or probably you know that too… but you don’t know what it has done to me, what all it has taken from me … and that… you will only know after I am gone for the good.”  [ There was a ...

"I love the strange nights." Those were the first words of S.J. in the morning. Sheena said sleepily, " I know... you love them...even those that scares me to death." "Yeah... I just love anything that breaks the chain of sameness." Saying this S.J. went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea, yes, that's how she celebrates every good thing in her life or thought in her mind, by drinking tea. While the pan was on the stove, S.J. uttered the Morning Glory Words loudly, " I am great, greater than this world, greater than this Life, I am something Divine, Pure, Beautiful... though last night I was a bit stupid, but that's okay, I allow myself to be stupid sometimes, ohh...life would be so boring without stupidity you see...(here, S.J. winked wickedly) oh..how  hot I look with open hairs... I am going to look hot today. And... Yes... I want to tell you something this morning. Don't let it grow inside you. You are a sweetheart. When ever you a...

Sheena got perplexed , when S.J. muttered something looking out of the window, that whether S.J. is happy about her new life or no. Just as Sheena tried to ask something, S.J. smiled faintly and begun to say, as if talking to herself, " No it is never as you imagine. Its like, when you imagine to go worse, everything goes great. And as you imagine everything to be perfect, there comes a bad time. So what is this all for? Doesn't it tell you that Today, this Moment is Perfect. It is as it should be. It is meant to Celebrate as it is. Because there is no sense in looking for something else than what we have at present. If we are lonely, we might want some company. And when we have company we might want to be alone. What sense is in it? Always looking for something else. Always being unsatisfied. Always fretting and getting irritated, complaining and being unhappy.... there is no sense in living this way. " via-vi.sualize.us Sheena not knowing what to say was just...