Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Gypsy Dreams :P

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........ my life's on the same track as before December - same track - same journey . hey wanna look inside my bag? umm... you will find nothing except - Gypsy Dreams :D - sounds interesting .. huh! :)

When I was in hostel , I had a strong wish to live alone in Jaipur at PG (coz in 3 years I had seen so much of hostel life , now I wanted to begin a different journey , wanted to see a different life ) . So , I lived alone for almost 2-3 months then my sister joined me ... of course that was a great experience too ... living with real elder sister because from childhood we had hardly lived with each other... so after a long time we got a chance to spend time with each other and most shocking thing (to know each other :P ) .

Before she joined me as my roomie , I was lost in my own world - on a Lonely Planet :P . I was too lonesome... but then this disease  taught me a lot. At that time ,I would read inspirational books , talk to myself for 2-3 hours , observe nature , pray to god and  I would dream a lot , and my dreams were - Gypsy Dreams - they were never same - they were of different colors , they were of different places and people . Now once again , I am too lonely ... I am not even able to sleep at nights. I was crying for help ---and guess what  God listened to me .... and see He is so prompt , He acted straight away... - and reminded me of my possession - Gypsy Dreams ... these dreams are my possession as I carry them in my bag while traveling on life's track.

Today in morning I was watching one of the Gypsy Dreams - I walked behind the scout camps on mud. Sun was on brink , just above the hill. As it rained heavily last night , the air was cool. I observed everything with serene heart and watchful eyes. Whole experience was highly elevating.... my heart , my mind , my soul were in harmony ... I dreamed about a life in the lap of nature... a life of Freedom ... a life of Love ... a life.... 
But at present I had only a life of dreams... My Gypsy Dreams :)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Farewell to P.S. Stories...

This Valentine's Day Jeanie has no Date , she is single - not by Chance but by Choice.

Things were blurred last year . It seems now she has come to a different plane as she is able to see everything from a different prospective.

She is sad . She does not understand why it happens that past memories are always bitter in her life? Today she has shed all pseudo images from her mind . She has shed all old memories. Why should she be " Too Sweet" if she has to shed tears later on for her sweetness ? 

Let her be harsh and rude and Strong - 
Let her wear Spurious Shield -
Let no tempestuous wind or storm fling her -
Let her be a Rock and not flowing River.

Jeanie has no regrets of past . She knows God moves in a mysterious way and everything happens for a purpose. Good that people came in her life and taught her lessons of life and showed World's Ways.. Yes she was too naive. She enjoyed being too innocent but now let The Tyger replace the Lamb ... Each Time has its own significant qualities. But still the change is not radical... she loves everyone's goodness.  

Its morning 1 am. Its raining - not outside ... Have anyone ever seen rainbow in Night? One could see at Jeanie 's face the colorful rainbow of blended emotions. It is Resurrection. A New Birth. So why does she need old stories and old ways? 
Farewell to P.S. Stories!

A peaceful sleep follows !
Without nightmares!

(Its 7 in the morning)

  Bonjour Jeanie !
  Rise and Shine        :)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Missing you...

This is dedicated to Vish by Jeanie :)

I had talked to him hardly 2 or 3 times and I started dreaming about him ... I started forming his image in my mind. This image  in beginning was akin to him , I suppose , but slowly with more dreaming and less efforts of knowing him , became pseudo image rather than a real image .

I miss him often But I am confused - Do I miss him or his pseudo image? I don't know him yet... or still I know him a little.  

I am wondering ... I have changed a lot ... Have I really? Or had I also made a pseudo image of myself in my mind? I think I love my pseudo image - Image of how I wanted to be - Free - Free from external and internal chains. Somewhere I read nothing stops us but our own mind , how true it is.. I want to know that friend more and more , want to take one more risk to find my soulmate .. but these days my carefree soul has caged herself inside red walls and is afraid to come out and look at the Azure Sky.

Every night, when my tired body is retired to bed , my soul awakes all night long and dreams of that Sky - She whispers and sigh ...
Will I ever be able to fly? 

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Gemini Effect

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Marrying one Gemini woman is like living with two different wives. Confused? Don't be, we are just talking about her dual personality. She has a dual nature and is capable of displaying different personality traits at different points of time. However, your major task will be to get her to commit. She is so fidgety that it becomes very difficult for her to become deeply involved with one person or place. The mind of a Gemini female never settles down at one place and her thoughts are always wandering.

However, if you do manage to blend with her at the mental, spiritual as well as physical level, you will be introduced to a woman full of passion. In her youth, she is least likely to be bounded by a relationship or commitment. She may love your most irritating habits one minute and be extremely sarcastic about your new stylish haircut the very next. Maturity may bring a little bit stability in her. All this doesn't mean that Gemini women are not romantic at all. Infact, for them, romance is the one of the easiest means of communication.

Since they always have some thoughts to express, romance never goes out of their life. However, commitment is an entirely different term. A Gemini girl may love your intelligence, but she will also notice your lack of interest in creative arts. It is same the other way round too. Puzzled? You should be, at times, even she is baffled by her own complex nature. She is so vivacious and full of life that with her, you will forget even the deepest of troubles. She has the ability to light up the most somber of surroundings with her presence.

A Gemini woman will be full of the small, sentimental gestures that keep alive the romance in a relationship. She will always find new ways of telling you how much she loves you and will shower you with her alluring charm. She may act like a typical woman at one point of time, be a nervous wreck the other minute and engage in an intelligent conversation the very next second. She has the feminine charms, but she will never be clinging on to you. One thing that you will never find in a Gemini woman's characteristics profile is monotony and boredom.

She finds something good in all the men she meets and then, wants a man who has all of those qualities. However, this can't be and then, she keeps longing for that perfect man! She can be your best friend, your sports partner, your racing competitor and your lover, all at the same time. Just remember one thing, she is single-handedly giving you all this, so don't expect consistency from her. A Gemini female can look at other guys, even when she is sincerely in love with you. Change is in her nature and she has to learn to control her own behavior. Just make sure to keep her interested in you and she will remain totally devoted.

She will never be suspicious of you and will expect the same from you in return. You may be out till 3 in the morning and she won't even bat an eyelid. A Gemini girl will always respect your individuality and you will be required to do the same. She may forget to do the dishes every now and then, but you can have the most soul-satisfying conversations with her. She will keep your intellect as well as creativity stimulated. Motherhood will come naturally to her and she will make a happy and gay mother, who will respect the individuality of the children.

Gemini woman makes an excellent hostess and will charm the guests with her grace. They will be treated to the best of cuisine, that too in silver cutlery. She can easily get along with anyone, right from your boss to the peon of your office. With a Gemini wife, you will feel as if you are with a different woman every other day. When she wants to speak, she will speak and when she wants to fly, she will fly. You don't know how she flies; just listen to her imagination and you will know. She is full of hopes, desires and dreams and you are welcome to share them. Just make sure that you are with her when she needs you!

P.S. - Did I say I am a Gemini too...?? ;) 

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Jumbled thoughts :)

I was talking about this in one of my facebook notes then I thought why not write it here as its a deep thought or an interesting discovery  ; at least for me . :)

Sometimes in our life we adopt a code of behaving we call it manners and with regular practise it becomes a part of our nature.
You have always been like this (for eg. A ) but have you ever tried being like some other (for eg. B) ... ??

You have been behaving in one manner till now , but when you adopt an another way of behaving or say living... you either love it or it may also leave you hollow , confused , disillusioned...

I will give you my example that I was always "one" from inside and outside ...I opened my heart to everyone.. expressed my instant feelings or madness..... disclosed even my deepest and darkest secrets as if it had been a simple and mandatory introduction of me..( that was useless and unnecessary though I realize it now.).. I used to wonder how people can live secretly , can hide their feelings , emotions....??? But now I am able to understand this. I think they did it  in order to protect themselves. This is a kind of Spurious Shield - you wear an attitude of - "Who Cares?" but deep down you really care... !!!  

There is surely some pleasure in being secretive , in hide your feelings or rather to pretend exactly opposite to what you are feeling... !!!!

I heard it somewhere that - Believeing is Experiencing , and it is very true to some extent... you strongly believe that you have changed and have become (B) from (A) ... but still somewhere deep lies this (A)  too ... and it seems that in the hoo-ha and beaming excitement of this new one you avoid melancholy melodies of the old one....

This spurious shield which you have worn so that you can hide your own feelings even from your own heart and believe that you are more happy than earlier is not harmful... 
The Spurious Shield actully protects you from unnecessary problems :)
P.S - While writing this , I was trying to understand and clear my own thoughts but as a result they get more entangled :P  So , if you don't understand this , don't mind  , just avoid it !!!  

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Random thoughts

"................ He asked questions and answered them himself. He expressed opinions on everything under the sun without ever quietly savouring the beauty of the mountains and birds and flowers. Perhaps such enjoyment is not possible unless we suspend analysis and feel the true essence of things with goodwill and respect in our hearts ; unless we seek forgiveness from trees and stones for our mindless audacity in searching their secrets ...."
- ( Orange Moon , by Sharat Kumar)

I don't know how many people enjoy Nature's beauty silently and devour it with a touch of philosophy and respect .  This may sound very stupid and irrational or may be waste of precious time but is it really a waste and stupidity?
Sometimes I would sit and try to understand "The Language of the Universe" , try to understand "The Soul of the World"... there is something perhaps some energy which connects everything in this Universe , whether living or non-living. Finding logics behind our intuitions and vibrations of energy is not a pleasant job. Doing this , one may lose beauty of life. 

I am afraid about my future...I don't want rat race  kind of life... I don't want to listen the shrill sound of horns and traffic everyday ... I don't want a life full of hypocrisy...!!!!
 ...... I want to live in the valleys of Himalaya... from where I can view the high mountains and free flowing rivers ... or somewhere near sea... where I can sit and view the somber sunset ... or a place warm and green ... where I can walk with my partner and see my children playing in the ground.... I want a peaceful life in the lap of nature... What a life without love and nature ? What a life without dreams and imagination?? I can not imagine my life without these beautiful things... and if people say you choose to live on a lie because truth is harsh and ugly ... then it is fine ! I am happy at least with the way I am living... :) 
So Cheers! 
Jai Shree Krishna! 

Monday, February 1, 2010

P.S. - New Mantra

(It is a Sunday morning. Jeanie is sitting on a bench in the Park. She is reading a novel. A guy is sitting on a next bench who is perhaps listening to music...)
(After sometime he comes to Jeanie and asks her - - - )

Guy - Hey are you reading some novel?
Jeanie (replies Blithely ) - yeah! ( again turns back to her reading ) 
Guy -  I am a big fan of fiction... by the way which novel are you reading?
Jeanie - (tells him the title of the novel... which is a love story)
Guy - Oh !!! ( recalls the author's name) I have read his novel too ... hmm ... so you are into romantic stuff ..      hmmm... 
Jeanie - ahh... yeah you can say that... well you can sit if you want.
Guy - Oh thank you..( smiles and sits beside her... but maintains  a gap) ... hey I am Jason by the way!
Jeanie - I am Jeanie ... (smiles and shake hands)
Guy - Nice to meet you Jeanie ... so.. you come here often?? I haven't seen you before?
Jeanie - No , I have come here first time... I am new in this City.
Guy - Wow! New girl in town.... so do you have any friend here?
Jeanie - No... I am alone. 
Guy- Ohh okay No probs.. take my number in case you are in any difficulty ... 
Jeanie - But....
Guy - Oh common... we are friends , aren't we?
Jeanie -- ahh  uummmm....
Guy -Wait (takes out his mobile )  give me your number,  I will save .
Jeanie - 94193654090
Guy - okay! so I will message you and then save my number ok? ..... well..I will have to go now... catch ya later Jeanie !
Jeanie - Oh ... okay.. see ya.. !

( Uhh uufff...Jeanie is puzzled... Nice City ! Interesting People ! ....)

(Its night ... sorry early morning! - 5 O' clock ... Jeanie's phone rang... As it vibrated...she sprang up from her bed....still confused...whether its ringing in dream or reality... whatever! she picks up without seeing the number)
A Voice says - Hello
Jeanie - aaaaa..... Helloooo ...
----> Were you sleeping?? ... 
(Jeanie is silent!... confused... its night or it has been Noon???...)
--- >Ohh... I am sorry ... of course you would be sleeping...its still five in the morning.
Jeanie - Oh is it!... 
---> Yeah! I am sorry...  I ... I was just not able to sleep ... and ...
Jeanie - and you only found my number in your contact list ... whom you could wake up at this wee hour... right? No probs.. I am always there for you.(faintly smiles)
---> Yeah.... I know... why are you so sweet Jeanie?... Why you are always there for me??
Jeanie - Oh... I know I am sweet ... and ... you won't understand that so chuck it.
--->  hmm.... So , How did you find the New City?...
Jeanie - Amazing! ... 
---->  Ahh... sounding happy!!! Something happened??
Jeanie - aammm..well... Yeah!
----> You are kidding... ?? ....... nooo.!!! .. tell me. tell me... what happened??
Jeanie - I met a guy yesterday morning .... he was nice..
----> ahem ahem... Nice... !!! Where? 
Jeanie - In the park....well... Nice yaa... but he was weird too... But I really liked him .. dunno why probably because he is the first person who seemed friendly to me... 
----> Good Jeanie!... I am happy for you...
(Jeanie said nothing... something ..... somewhere ...... or somehow she didn't like his words...)
Jeanie - (to herself - ohh nooo Jeanie ! Repeat the Mantra -  " NO COMPLAINTS AND NO DEMAND ) ..... ( hmm... now feeling better...)
---> hmm... chup kyun ho ?
Jeanie - Oh... aahh ... no ... nothing.. so what's your plan for today? ... [Talking to herself again  -( No... its okay... its perfectly okay.. take a deep breath... You will soon move on...you will forget all .. soon!! yes yes....) ] ( As Jeanie was talking to herself... she could only hear last strain of his reply..)
---> ............................................ sooo I think I shall sleep now... what you will do??
Jeanie - Me?.. aa.... I think I have woken up soo..will begin my chorus ... do some meditation first as its the perfect time for it! 
----> whaoo... Meditation?? Is it your new craze??
Jeanie (smiles) -Whatever! It helps ... 
----> Then I shall try too...
Jeanie - Yeah!! You should... it cures all mental diseases... 
(Both laughs)
----> Achha..!!! okay chalo then c ya... 
Jenaie - Take care!

....... [Jeanie after a moment's thought.... slips inside the red sheet.....]

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