Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dear Life!

Always Be Positive.
Its terribly tiresome.
I want to think other way round.
I want to cry out loud -  
Fuck you life !
You have given me rags
When I was dying of cold
You have given me leftover
When I was dying of hunger
You have given me sweat 
When I could bear no more
Fuck you life!
You have nothing worth 
except sleep
except life of dreams...
except the smile on which sadness hangs...
I would say I hate you 
But no... 
You are worst a mistress
You are worst than a pimp
You are worst than menstrual 
You are worst than worst disease. 
But I will fight 
I wont die 
Until I have fucked you.
Until I have showed you 
Show you that I am something
Beyond my sex can describe
Beyond my religion 
And my acts can describe...
I will show you , damn 
What I am!
And I will show you 
What can I make out of you...

Just Watch it!
Dear Life!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Vo vo vooo.... all set to goo....

So... one more year is over ... seems time is running ... and still something has stuck up ... well we can dig it later... and that's what for New Year comes , isn't it? ;)

So a Recap ? Itna toh Banta hai Boss ;)

So well...umm ahem ahem..lets Do it this way -

ACHIEVEMENTS  OF THE YEAR -

- I joined an NGO , and took training in Comics Workshop. I believe I learnt a good art this year. It added a feather to my cap.

- I organised a Comics Workshop at my hometown. And it was really a success , an unexpected success.

- And guess what , my parents are known by my name because of that workshop. That's something to take pride in. I am happy because I fulfilled my dream. :)

- And finally , I got an honorary prize for umm... "upcoming writer" in hindi by a magazine. I believe you are not laughing while reading this. Well... I respect the prize , the aim of it was to motivate. err...Umm.. lets come to the next thing.

SMILEY MOMENTS OF THE YEAR -

awww..... can't think of any :((

FRIENDS  -

- I made new friends , right from the beginning of the year , in fact i remember , i made new friends at the end of last year ... things became .. salty in the beginning... but i never stop ... people come and go... i made new friends and although i might not be talking to all of them .. but I miss them.

- I regret , i lost one friend this year , because of misunderstandings. I wish what I said , is not true.

- I regret , again , I have to lose one friend , so that I can have no bad memories and save what i have treasured.

- I have had this year a sweetest relationship with a friend (Soul Poet) and I hope it goes on like this. TOUCHWOOD :)

-I met and get to know wonderful people. I wish I get to know more of wonderful people next year too.

THE BEST THING OF THE YEAR -

I enjoyed the most beautiful time of my life with my sister this year , as she is staying with me on PG. I hope it goes on and on and on like this forevaa... :)

THE WORST THING OF THE YEAR -

well that is ...its ENDING... :(

SOMETHING GOOD -

We got fixed our audio drive and so could enjoy many movies... just saw two movies - Shall we dance and King Arthur.... aww... Want some More Good movies for next year...

SOMETHING BAD -

I had this NET paper which was on 26th ... and it was soww...BAD.. :( I hope for a miracle... and if i pass in this exam - a BIG TREAT for all of yee...

SOMETHING WoW -

I met my seniors ... well they are so pretty and lovely ... and I was so happy to meet them. :)

A DREAM CAME TRUE  -

Though it was one of those small pretty dreams ( which can really come true) - I made for Literary Fest... this year... enjoyed as much as i could... loved it.. (almost for no reason) ... now one month to go for Lit Fest.

GOOD REMEMBRANCE -

 I gotta a chance this year to be a student of a wonderful teacher. I will remember him all my life. he is one of the few teachers I loved.

FAIRS FIESTA  -

This year was full of gala festivals and fairs... we enjoyed all of them , but i loved one of them specially , Fairhex Fair. I m eagerly waiting for it in next year.

 Eee... the list seems neva gonna end...
But I wanna add one more thing to it .... and this only is a sum up -

I Found and Lost this year
I Hope the sequence to be different next year.

Love you all there !
God bless you!
and Live up!!
have a Wonderful New Year .... !!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

...

Tears and plenty tears

Tears and plenty tears
Each time you left me in...
What the dirt I deserve
Or always Tears...
Each time you left me in...
I have nothing left
Only fret and fears
Each time you left me in...
You said that I am your part
Your fake swears 
Each time you left me in...
Each time you left...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

These days ...

Everyone realizes the difference between the Time we Pass and the Time we Live. 
I am living it these days. :)

I never discovered / felt so much joy one can feel in company of one's sibling. Bless my Sister. :)

I never realized when I have become so much..... Quiet. I am loving it. 

I am very happy that I successively left FB (addiction of so many people) .

I have stopped thinking and began feeling. ( According to Osho , most imp thing to live happily)

I have learnt to respect what I have and don't bother about what I don't have. ( especially in person's case. )

These days .. somewhat I m unhappy also (greatly embarrassed) I wish I could share it with someone. :( But its okay. It will fade away in the fog of time.

And yeah...few funny things about 'these days in my life' are - 

I dance while crossing the road... move .. wait .. back ... ahh... I wont die in accident ;)

I talk to me loudly while walking... its fun really 

I do what I really wanna do.. eat ... and smile... This is what life is for me.. it was always... I just need more anonymity ... more confidence... and bindaaas friends with lots of fun... 

I hope my dreams are not that Bigggg.... :)

love!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

garden bench

Through the little incidents
I realized this slowly
I was like a garden bench
For those lonely...



Monday, December 6, 2010

Astro....

Wonder why I am lingering in the passages of astrology and numerology... do I have (still have) some inquisitiveness? Well anyway...here is my lifepath number... may be you will be interested in yours so here is the link -

Your lifepath number is 9

Lifepath number 9The Life Path 9 suggests that you entered this plane with a lot of dramatic feelings together with a strong sense of kindness and bigheartedness. The key the nature of an individual with 9 as a life path number is found in their compassionate approach to life. Even the very average of those with life path 9 have extremely compassionate ways. 

Most of the time this number has people that are very dependable, upright and unlikely to convey any sort of prejudices. Clearly this is a lot on your plate, however you are the type of individual who will help those who are less fortunate than you if you are in the position to do so. When it comes to responsibilities to the human race, the 9 life path number is the highest single digit number to hold this position. When it comes to materialistic ways of life you are not the one to embrace them however the excellence of your personality renders material rewards. 

This life path number is not the one looking to get rich due to the fact that they are extremely generous, at times to a fault an most of the time your attitude towards money is an easy come easy go type of demeanor. The exceptional 9 life path has a completely unselfish personality, having no problem sacrificing material possessions for the general good. Your presence is very powerful and you have the tendency to make friends very quickly and easily; people are fascinated by your alluring, striking and open personality. 

The term “hail-fellow” may perhaps been made to illustrate a 9 Life path, since you may certainly be one of those individuals that is cheerful, extremely friendly and pleasant. You have no problem meeting people and being befriended by them quickly and easily due the nature of your personality. Due to the fact that you are very pleasant and warm you may often find yourself in the lead of whatever field or endeavor you take on. 

When it comes to love and relationships you tend to have a hard time due to the fact that you cannot seem to find a balance in life that will work out. If you can find a partner that is willing to share the same charitable attitude as you then you will have a happy, lasting relationship. 

However if the partner you choose is more of a materialistic soul then there will be problems throughout the relationship. You have the tendency to be very sensitive, since you view the world with lots of feelings and compassion. The extremely profound understanding of life according to a 9 is sometimes shown in the artistic and literary fields such as drama, acting or writing which have the likelihood of producing success, as well as emotional expression through painting, music and other forma of artistic expression. 

The purpose of life to this particular path number is most likely that of a theoretical nature. Most of the time judges, religious leaders, healers and educators all possess the 9 energy. It is rare that the businees aspect of life is present in the 9 life path and could pose as a struggle. 

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side. Due to the demanding nature of the really positive 9, many have the tendency to fail in this group. It is not unusual for persons with the 9 life path to battle the realities and challenges of principles imposed here since self-sacrifice is not an easy trait. 
You may have trouble believing that giving and a lack of individual dreams can be satisfying. It must be recognized and accepted that little long-term contentment and pleasure is to be gained by rejecting the natural compassionate inclinations of this path. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

memories ...

I wanna talk to you. Thanks. Actually I was feeling alone. No I am literally alone here. Its Saturday. I never Like it.  I will wash my hairs on sunday . Yeah that means tomorrow. Saturday is a bad day. Oh. No. Nothing is bad. I will tell you one thing. First Let me wear my Summer frock. I feel good. I ate those balls of spicy water. I felt good. And Shopping. Oh. Would love to do that. But I said I was feeling lonely. He wont come today. No I will sleep when he will come. He will come soon. I want daffodils. Have you ever seen a beautiful city in Spring. I want to visit Rome. Its a beautiful place to visit. And I want to go to New Zealand. I am sure I will be welcomed at their home. I am loved by all you see. They love me. I was called an angel when i was your age . Yeah yeah you are my angel now. You are a pretty girl. You will grow up beautiful as your mama. I love your mama. She was a good friend. She would read to me Bible daily. No I read Gita also. I wish to go church someday. That same one which I saw in those images. And the place was really beautiful which I saw in my dreams. oh its sad you get ghostly dreams. You should wash your feet before you jump on the bed my girl. Yeah I do that daily . And then I say my prayers. Will you bring that rose my dear? It reminds me of...oh no..dear I dont have no boyfriends at all... though I had when I was little more than your age. ha those were bad days but now its nothing to me. No memories dear. No memories. Memories are just old things to which garbage is a real home. But I have memories. Always afresh and new. Memories of those roses which never bloomed. And those passages never built. And those ocean never formed. And those people I never met...

a lil freaky

(knock..knock)
(door opens)
Guy - hey ! ...
Girl - aa....
aa.. do u wanna come inside?
a...umm...
come on ... (feels lucky , slightly smiles)
(she comes in hesitatingly)
(now he looks at her .. looks into her eyes ... and she looks at him first then down ...))
aa... jim..
yeah ! (he becomes more conscious of the fact that she has Something to say ... something which he (is/was/will be) waiting to hear ... only a sentence ... "Jim I want to spend a night with you".... he was lost in thoughts ...)
Jim can I spend...
yeah...aa..  i mean what...
I mean...
umm....
Jim ... see.... Can I be with you for sometime...i mean can you give me company ?
a... sure...sure...
Just a lil time ... till I get some sleep...
Oh... yeah... sure... (huh!) .. (politely) Come sit... would you like anything particular to watch?
umm No... anything you are watching...
Okay... (National Geography) ...
(Both yawns ... looks at each other ... exchange short smiles...)
Nice channel , isn't it?
Oh.. yeah sure... (she tries to say something) aa...well...Jim
yeah... (shows no interest now...)
I was feeling lonely....
Ohhh... really ! (who the damn doesn't feel lonely here but who cares)
Yeah... my mate has gone to her home.. and ... you see... I don't have any friends here...
hmm... so....
so... I came here ... I hope I am not bugging you...
No no no.... its all fine... you wanna watch anythng else?
umm... may be some movie?
Oh yeah... (changes channels...and on every channel porn is coming...as its 1 am )
(both are in an embarrassing situation) (he switches to Discovery Channel)
a..I would have coffee now... would you like some?
 umm Sure thanks...(forces a smile)
(he goes in the kitchen .. sighs..!!! )
(Here she feels some relief...)
After having coffee... girl makes an excuse that she is feeling sleepy now.. thank the guy for company... and goes back to her room. Opens the door. Sighs. Sits down. Switch on the net. Writes down the whole incident in her blog named Just Believe . :)

Jeanie : after an Intermission!

.... What are you thinking?
aa...naathing...
umm... oh here are four diverse ways... which one you would take?
....
helloo... I m talking to you Ms.. hey.. what's ur name?
jen....
wat? Pardon?
Its Jeanie ... you can call me Jeanie .. okay?
Oh.. jeanie... nice...  so Ms. Jeanie... where are you going?
I dont know.
What? Sorry!
I said I dont know where  i am going but you can go your way ...okay.
ahh... certainly madam I will go my way. huh! (walking ahead slowly)
(Jeanie to herself but a little aloud) where does this road go... where do you want to go .... i dont know... then you may take any road...
(guy puzzled) hey.... are you crazy?
You mind your own business.... okay.
No its not okay...
What do you want from me?
Lets play a game?
,,,, what?
I am going this way and you go just opposite way... and at one point we will look back for 1 min... If we both look back at the same time we will come back and accompany each other ... or if not then we will go two different ways... let destiny speak for us ... (a broad smile )
hmm... sure... (jeanie smiles for the first time)
(guy looks enchanted at her)
(she quickly turns back and walks fast)

.... a little far
and Jeanie doesn't look back ever.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

No it cant be love ...

No I don't love you - 
(though your laugh tinkles in my ear
and makes my soul happy )


No its not love - 
(though my tears know their 
place is only in your arms)


Na it cant be love , i know! -
(though you hurt me sometimes
by your carelessness)


Its not the love , I had dreamt of , i know! -
(though now I think of creating a dream
than dreaming one)


They told me , you could find a better one - 
(though I had always believed them 
but now I wished they would be wrong)


Now when you said , Goodbye forever ! -
(though I was broken down
I held my breath and said... )


Its not love ! I wish ...
It cant be love 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

To my Brother of Teen Age !

It causes ripples in my heart
to see your innocence 
wrapping slowly with intelligence and art.

What you have become my brother
a perfect combination
Of soft hearted mom and strong father.

But what more amazes me is the mystery of your age
Much more is hidden beneath the innocence of your face. 

P.S. - Interesting to observe the growth of your adult side while you are able to retain the innocence of childhood on your face :) Love you bro !!!  

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I have seen both heaven and hell in my life.
but i regret i saw heaven before hell
This life is ruined
I wait to begin afresh soon.

(P.S. - wait can be most hellish.)

Monday, November 15, 2010

for a change

For a change I had a great fun yesterday with my friend and her friends. And for a change I felt I am still not too old. This change was good.

I don't know what this change will bring with it. All I know is , I am happy. And I am less worried about my future.

I have been reading literature from past 3-4 months as if literature and life are poles apart. So , for a change , I decided I am going to read life than literature.

All my life I waited for this time when I will choose my line and take decisions for myself but I have become dumb now. A dumb who dances to other's tune. A dumb who is programmed by others. Though I am happy my mother has thought so much for me. But I cant just follow everything blindly. I want to take some risks. I want to feel free to take decisions for myself so that in future I know I have made my life and not that I am walking on
the track laid down by someone else. So,  for a change I decided I will take risk... risk to ignore my parent's wish and what they think is right.

I hope this change brings something good.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

weeeeeirrddd is wat life is ;)

isnt it weird and strange dat u write a poem for someone ... and he reads it just like all readers ... though he knows it is written for him... and someone else ... someone may be from ur past ... wants to read it ... he reads it ... and makes it his own ...he enters into ur world ... which you expected from ur own guy....  does it mean he understands u well?loves u more? or you are more imp to him than to ur own guy? ... Life cheats you ... throws u inside the palace of illusions... I am all confused about the thing called love ... watching movies now a days at home .... he said that sorta love only exists in movies ... is it true? wont i get that love ever? well be it as it is... I love myself ... and I think marriage - this business is not for me... not even commitment ... i called myself a free bird... no one can possess me ... not even I ; ) wat i want now is to build up my dreams on the plane of reality ... i will do it ... yeah I can !!!       :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Thoughts !!!

One of my far relative committed suicide yesterday. She was aged . And the reason as assumed of her suicide  was her longing to live with her sons who at present live far from home. It was a tragedy. Not only of her but of our society and its contradictory values. Why contradictory? because it was her husband only who asked his son to go outside his hometown so that he will be able to earn more. The wish of her husband became the reason of her death.

It is in the seeds of our Karma , our destiny lies.

And "Samskara" or the bringing up of a child , shapes up your future and his own future.

***

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Its okay

Life cheats you
beats you
badly badly
treats you

And you have only two options
either , Fight
or just say that -
Its Okay!

you see, I am an unprivileged.
I am very much Alive.
And they have given me a Sword
to fight.

But I wont fight.
I am a common girl.
I know I can not fight.
Fighting is a bad thing you know...
and ...

Well !
Its okay !

And If he too doesn't treat me well
its okay !
I will leave him.
I knew I will have to ... one day ...
but its okay!
One has to suffer
God knows for what reasons ...

These are the really bad times.
But its okay...
We will fight
as usual
out of some unconscious habit -
a fight to survive...

***

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Words and silences


I wish to talk to you
I want to talk to you
I want to talk Silence
As you want to hear silence
You want to hear silence
You want to hear nothing besides it
So I speak nothing
I crave to speak
Crave to speak something
Something besides silence
So I speak to myself
I share with myself
All my words and silences
All my silences and words
Now I share with myself.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Conditioning

Its Very Difficult !
Difficult
to shake off your Conditioning
to go against
Who made you
to go against yourself or - 
What you have become.


I stand before him ... 
and try to shake off ...
I try ...
try not to sound traditional
But I am no non-conformist either
I am...
I am still a struggler 
Struggling to find what I am
And to shake off 
What they have made me
And to embrace 
What I want to become
And...
And I become nothing.
I just remain a product of my conditioning. 


I want to love 
to...make...love...
And ...
I am sorry
I can not be me
you see...
marriage...
and ... lots of things ...
and ... I am afraid
and...
let it be.
I will try another day
try...
try to shake off my conditioning...
when I meet you another day.
I meet you another day !

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

transition

I live and I don't.
Its something that goes on and one doesn't even realize this.
The Transition is so quick .

I will talk something of the world around me.

Well , its black and red and rough and blue
So much to see and so much to ....

A local bus.
faces and masks
Bad guys
Bad breath
Old ladies
Unshampooed hairs
Loose tied sarees
Old village men
Brown skins and black boots
Unfit like themselves.
Whaaaat a  LIFE !
So unworthy
So torn out
Yet they wear
If you ask them why?
They will say -
We dont know
We dont care.

And what about those
Who know ...
very purpose of their life lies in
Dirtiness
How I know?
well
their dirtiness crawl upon my body
sometimes waist
or down
or up
or anywhere.
Whaaat a Death!
Let me die.

Hey ! no !
She said today in the class -
Nothing and no one in life is worth taking your life.
But why Van Gogh suicides?
And why Woolf ?
What about the immortal nightingale of Keats?
And what's there in the Byzantium of Yeats?
World of Beauty and Art !
How true and unlike our real world... ohh.. oh...
And those dreams .. soft .. and ohh.. that insanity is so romantic...

Oh !
The Transition was so quick.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Teach me to Love
But first Teach me
To endure the Fires
Which I will meet in the Course 

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

No my poetry is not blowing horns,
Its leaking of water
Leaking internal thoughts
drop by drop

................

No comfort I have in my bad days
Save writing poems 
One more Great relief except weeping.

................

Again dread of those dreadful nights
Again a need of invisible hand
I want him again who will not leave me even for a second...
My own Imagination.

..............

Oxygen Mask !
A new life !
Thank God!
I can express if not in voice
In words at least.

........

beats beats beats ....
the world is beating
I am losing some sense
I am afraid "he would mind"
I am afraid "I would disappoint them ...
by losing sanity"
I just want to be me.....
Just me.....
Just me.....
And not what you think I should be.

.........

hey! I have never taken your Mary Jane ,
Nor those doses of drinks
but I can lose still
My senses ...
Its also an addiction.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

No , dont come near
Go away !

I had loved you
I love you still
But I shall not think of you always
I shall not curse and find my faults
I shall not Sacrifice now
Not for sometime
Though ...
I know...
 My ultimate destiny ---
is Sacrifice.
Today is one more colorless night
Is it cold ?
Today is a cold night , I am sure...
Moon is dark.

Its Okay!
Isn't it?
It will be Okay , I am sure...
I am sure it will be okay.
Its just another night.
Death? - just a matter of laughter now a days.
Twenty died in train accident,
two died in a bomb blast,
Hundreds and so ... in flood ,
And many do die daily ...

Life? - cheaper than a grain
So ...
Death is more celebrated here.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

In one of those nights
When I am so close to myself
When I am me - my soul
And when you find me lost
Come! look for me
In that isolated place
Where moon is low
Touching the feet of sea
One who is sleeping on the rock
Look ! That is me.

Just be ....




White ocean
Of darkness around us   




Silence - 
Mute Love !

Togetherness ...
..... ! 

Just Be ... !
And I want Nothing.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dawn & Dusk

I am Dawn 
You are Dusk
" How can we meet , tell me ? "


" One day even 
They will meet 
If only you can have -   
Belief. " 

From Dawn to Dusk

From Dawn
To Dusk
So long the gap seems...
Which afternoon fills up with her sleep
After a hurried nap 
When I wake up to drink
Your First love 
The filter-coffee ; 
Which tastes as tasteless 
As first I drank it with you
But I love it
Because it reminds of you
And of your taste.


And long nights
When I wake after each hour
To taste loneliness , 
As salty as you are
And chant between every nightmare,
"everything will be fine".










At dawn,
I walk alone on my terrace,
Watch the world preparing for the day
And I too prepare ,
For a long weary afternoon,
Its short hurried nap,
And Filter-coffee.


At dusk,
I walk alone on my terrace,
Watch the world retire into pleasures,
And I too retire,
To sleep,
Wake up at every hour,
 Taste loneliness ,
Watch nightmares ,
And chant between them


"Everything will be fine..."
"Everything will be fine...".

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Ambitions

Ambition for me means  - climbing mountain , painting your imagination , creating tune which resides in your heart , expressing an idea known to all human kind , serving people because you believe in serving and alike. I used to think I am not an ambitious person . But I have found what my ambition is ...

Monday, August 30, 2010

...

The simple and selfless love,
Has lost ,
At a bad cost,
And you know , why,  my friend,
You know this very well.


But ...
I want to have hope 
for Peace and Love to be restored soon.

....

Your love is limited by your nature, then ;








How can you , my dear friend , expect me to cross my limits?



Sunday, August 29, 2010

...

My friend !
you talk of one thing and do another,
And you preach Kabir,
Its such a shame,
Oh I shouldnt blame,
Its a world ;
A Brave Old World ! 
With Pretentious Face
And so much of disgrace.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

....

The marks of your feet
Dear , 
are washed away 
by ...
don't you know?
Poor thing!
Someone who doesn't know his fault.
Halt !
Dont rush,
Illusions are in the air,
Before the Final Judgement
Let things be fairer.





Friday, August 27, 2010

Silence of a flower

Amidst the dryness of Waste Land
Silence of flower 
is so sweet and sombre
That now sadness has become her eternal Beauty.




Tuesday, August 24, 2010

you DO....

-  I love you , says da angel
-  But I dont love you !
- You do!
- No, I don't ...
- My heart says you do, and it never lies..

Sunday, August 22, 2010

A F a c t !

I looked at the m o o n in night,
And I was h a p p y for some reason,
Perhaps it aroused l o v e in me.


Romanticism! Alas!


All is plaster not the reality,
Which is hidden beneath - - - 
Sand
and
Bricks
- all a l o n e.


Like the m o o n & s t a r s.


Who's Soulmate then?
Its not your fault my love!
Its just a cruel f a c t -
We all are eternally a l o n e.   

........

-  Lemme come inside you baby!

-  Sorry ! I cant hide you today inside me ...

-  Oh....okay... thanks!! ............ im going ....
.........
........


-  All I wanted to say was - Sometimes I need your shelter.. and I don't ask that does not mean I am Strong!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Absurd silence





Sometimes we are tired of chat
We try to make love on a hot summer day
We dream of mountains
Cold nights of honey n quilt
And sometimes silent prayers
To cover the guilt…

Sometimes we are tired of making love
We try to chat – all absurd that
Sometimes praise or curse or chase
All we do is to pass the tedious time
Which slogs behind my night dress
As the memory of that crime…

Sometimes we are tired of chat
No love-making , No chatting helps
As if on the top of Alps
We jump to suicide
Jump into the dreadful silence…

Friday, August 13, 2010

A gift that life is ...

Always wrapped with mysteries
A gift that life is ,
           I love,
          I enjoy,
          so alluring,
          so tempting,
          all beauty,
Yet I can not freely play with it
I don't mind... No ! I don't.
Let people grab it,
Let them play with it.

After all they teach this way
How precious it is,
And they only will teach me
To unwrap it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Its just You



I dont want to make any story in a poem.
Its obscene ... and ridiculous
I dont want any rhythm either
To make fun of my thoughts...

So here again I am 
with what you call bullshit Feminism.
But its different... Not about women
But every human being...

Lets now don't beg for freedom
I have found out where the actual problem lay
It lies inside your crippled soul
Because we are never stopped to do anything by anyone except by our own will 
So lets blame to our crippled will
And not your parents , society , friends or lover
Its just you who is stopping you...
To achieve - what you call - MY DREAMS !

...............

From whole Twilight series - I just loved last dialogue by Bella - "I am not a normal girl and I don't want a normal life." That's why she chose Edward over Jakob , while she loved both because living with Edward would mean leading a different life. 

Some tape in my mind repeats this dialogue again n again ... as if reminding me something which I have forgotten. 

I... I just ... dunno ...  always feel out of the world ... 

Remembering the poem by Frost - Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.....

Its time to prepare myself.... for a combat with an outside world... but before that I will have to win the battle going inside my soul ... 

P.S. - I wish they would have understood me... I don't need / expect shelter from them , all I want is their Faith in me... even if I am badly wrong , after all How I will be able to learn to walk if I wont stumble ? 

Monday, August 2, 2010

Soul in her journey ...

You are in your journey. You know your destination but don't know the right way to reach there. You begin... you stop.. ... again resume... you forget the way ... go back ... again begin....  but when you meet such people or who happen to come in your way and try to tell -- no go this way this is right ... or that way because that seems more proper ... you begin to lose you intuitive power to reach at destination . Or you tend to reach late at your destination.


Now if I apply this to life's journey I feel we tend to opt for wrong or say long way to reach at our destination when we hear everyone's advice or we try to walk on the road of their experience. 


---> You should opt Science Maths ... (But I have inherent talent for photography)


----> Listen ! you cannot do intercaste marriage Ok . (God please!  if you believe in soul mates just answer my one question - Is it necessary that God must have created your soul mate in your caste)


---> Its not right for girls to go out alone. .... (I thought I could better myself by going out n having experience)


     There are infinite examples in this world where 90% people can not do what they should be doing and  what they are made for. Through many sides they are being disturbed .... why? Are these tests by God ? Or some puzzle is behind this? ...... Its a Tornado of thoughts and I m badly struck. ... But really I have unfailing Hope to understand this enigma and find all answers.... One day!!!  


One day all your questions will be vanished ... 
One day you will not need any answers
One day you will smile without cause
And experience peace without pause. 

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Memorable --- Friendship day....

Morning 8 o'clock ----- " I m having this headache , my mood is off , everything is so irritating , i just hate to go out..I dont wish to celebrate today..." 


(After sometime) 


"... but I have promised her... she gets only a day to enjoy from her very busy schedule ... I can not disappoint her ... I have to go anyhow..."


(on call - hey! listen I 'll come late , im nt feeling well ryt now...)


(After few hours) 


We were in movie hall ... watching Eclipse ... I were dumb if I wud miss this.... Its amazing... 
n wats dis?? Gifts? she gave me my bday gifts?? Ohh..... im overwhelmed .


I gave her treat... we took lunch... n went out...
The weather was fine now n my mood .. well I was rocking :)


(After having ice-creams , we strolled near a park...)


Me ---- hey! I m not feeling like going inside the park.. its so crowdy ... you know wat sometimes I feel I hate people... as if I am a misanthropist.... lets... lets just stay here ... (on the sideways of pavement where it was fresh grass due to rains. )  
                                                                                      


(after five minutes )


Sheena --- yaar... its not bad ... I m enjoying it..
Me --- yeah... I m loving it... atleast we r different - n i love to be different ... n you just see it feels awkward only once when we do something unconventional but later people start following us....


(after 10 min) 


me - hey! see there ! those three guys... they r sitting there... they followed our way ... (laughs) I told you see.... we just once need to show courage...


The day is beautiful... clouds have gathered above that mountain... I m sure its gonna rain this evening...


(Sitting on a bench, in a park sort place in front of a fountain) 


(It started raining after 10 minutes , we went into a cottage .... )


Ah!!!! ..... It feels like we are in Kullu Manali or Ooty or Kodai Kenal .... amazing... woods , greenery , trees , mountain , cottage , people.... chats , pranks , mobile , boy friend , an umbrella  n  two gals lost in their own world ...  I was boosting up her courage so she could settle old matters... She did her best n I love her courage ... I love her actually , she is the one who realized me that I can stay in a relationship for long :P .... its been four years n we are best friends. I m so lucky to have her n I m sure she feels the same... 
You made my day ! 


Love you!  

Saturday, July 31, 2010

How?

One moment she looked at ivory clouds , other moment at real road on which they were walking  ...

what does she want ?? No , the right question is - how come she is caught between them ? How .... ???

Thursday, July 29, 2010

test post ;)

Woww... after a long long time i m on blogger... :) Thanks to a friend who handled it for a while on my behalf as he would post here whatever I sent him through mail :) ....
Well , i dont have anything special to write about.
I m happy coz I am back in my old lovely Pink City... :) its loveliiiiiii
Will write soon....
Take care........

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I didn’t know I was lonely

One by one
The pages turned

And I saw those dreams…
My childhood Dreams…

Once I watched those dreams alone
And Sung them to me

I didn’t know I was lonely
Until I met U

You promised you will fulfill them
Fill in the blanks and fit them for me

I didn’t know I was lonely
I thought I could do it all alone

You gave me your hand like others did
How could I know you were perfect for me

I didn’t know I was lonely
I thought I was an angel and I don’t need anyone.

When darkness was spread around
As a light I found u in me

I didn’t know I was lonely
I thought I had enough light in me

But when I think of those lessons which I learnt
And the light which u burnt inside me

I know now once I was lonely
And I wanted a friend to be with me…

One by One the pages turned
And now I know I can fulfill those dreams

When you are with me
Because I am
no
more
lonely.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Plain Woman

I am a Plain Woman
I belong to plains
I look very plain
I wear plain clothes...


I am sorry ...
But my life had never been Plain
But it doesn't mean 
That I am not Plain
I have nothing distinct in me....


You think - I am a Desert Woman?
... in my dreams I am ... yes, I am a Desert Woman
Who fights with anguished sand
Who patiently waits for rain
Who has faith to find the oasis of love
Who is incredible for all above


And...
... in my dreams I am a Highland lass too
Who has elevated ideas
Who is on top yet down to earth 
Who has a fairy's heart
Who inspires everyone's art


And...
.... But yet ....
I think I am a Plain Woman
I don't know why...
Perhaps I have not yet shown anything Great
Or perhaps I am different in reality ...
Or may be ....
Well , sometimes you should not look for reasons...
Sometimes you should just let it be ....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Immortality


No... 
No, it wasn't my Soul,
The colour of sunset
Maturing orange & magenta,
A little purple & whole blue,
Do you have any clue?
Who could drink these colors and 
Blend in the Soul?
Whole in whole
It wasn't me
It was some ghost of glorified painter 
Who let the Passion eat up his body,
Who died when Light was burnt inside his soul....


It was not Death
It is Immortality.





Few days back 
A windstorm of Passion 
Had crushed me too 
But I came out Alive--- 

It was not a survival
It was a Death
Something died ....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Unfaithful

Staring out of the window
She looked tired and bored
In her glittering saaree and a diamond ring
She thought, “Im just a body without him”
“… what he would be doing at this moment?”

And He was sleeping peacefully…
In his grave…
He died without her.

I knew I could never be faithful to anyone….

Fallen in love again....

A song... (I have thought abt its music too :P )                     

We talk a lot about love… oh yeah we do…
But do we know a bit about it ?
You bet?  .. uh you do…
No no no… you’ve fallen in love with a friend
Oh no no you don’t even know the rules of this game…
 You liked him first and became a buddy
Oh you had played better with a teddy
What you could do ,
you started liking someone else
But now he says he loves you
Hey now why do your heart fails?

 No no no… you’ve fallen in love again
Oh no no you don’t even know the rules of this game…
You have a cool buddy
Who is like you
One fine day you said you love him
He said it too
But that’s a pure kind of love
Which only you know
and the other one
between whom it grows
                                                               
No no no… you’ve fallen in love again
Oh no no you don’t even know the rules of this game…   
This time the love is the perfect one
 Are you sad ? you bubble gum!
 If he understands your crazy mind
Whirl around him love’s wind
And if he accepts your heart full of love
Love for everyone
Then then then put him on number One

We talk a lot about love… oh yeah we do…
But do we know a bit about it ?
You bet?  .. uh you do…
No no no… you’ve fallen in love with a friend
Oh no no you don’t even know the rules of this game…
A friend is a friend
Who will come and go
His life is different from yours
But a beloved is a special one
You think so so so…..
Yeah but hey…I am confused again
No no no… you’ve fallen in love again
Oh no no you don’t even know the rules of this game…         
 

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Warming Hand$ by Clicking photos.....



Have you heard about the magic of Attraction Power? Its like you attract something in your mind and you will get that thing or dream... I do believe in this but I think attracting something unconsciously gives bigger fruit. All I want to say is - if you have a dream , let it mix in your blood , let it become the breath you take ... but you cant do it consciously so if it becomes a part of you (unconsciously) then you will soon watch it becoming a Reality.


It happened with me ... with my dream of clicking photos. I dont want to become a professional photographer  but I am a person who wants to experiment with different ways for expressing  my feelings.... and I am so happy that the time itself gave me the opportunity and handed me a camera to Click .... :) 

I have NO LIMITS ........................................................









Sunday, June 13, 2010

An Initiative - Beyond Expectations


Who can tell what is truth and what futility ?
Who can tell which dream will turn into reality?

When I was attending the Capacity Building Workshop conducted by Pravah Jaipur Initiative in collaboration with other organizations in Jaipur , far in my mind, a dream was shaping that I will conduct a workshop in my hometown too. I learnt comics though I wanted to learn film-making first but I chose comics because I knew I can spread this art easily than film-making. And I am glad that I could do it. And I could do it only when first I thought – I can do it.

I had to face many challenges but as always I am so lucky and things turned into my favor. The workshop was organized by Bharat Vikas Parishad , Pravah Jaipur Initiative & World Comics India. I got so much help from Bharat Vikas Parishad and I represented other two organizations as a volunteer. My only biggest challenge was that I was alone as an instructor or trainer and I knew making Comics is a no joke. We elders could do it in two days with the help of two elder trainers and I had so many small kids , all were below 8th class but as they say , “jahaan chaah hai wahaan raah hai” I did my best. My one friend came ahead to help me . Nishita is pursuing BA(fine arts) from ICG college, Jaipur. Fortunately , she had also attended a one day Workshop on Comics in her college so she was equally supporting me.

Other challenge was collecting kids and managing them . I wanted to conduct this workshop for the students above 8th class but as usual at my end children are very shy & egoistic . They think they know everything and need not to learn anything new. Well , on the contrary , the small kids were so enthusiastic and eager to learn that I couldn’t hold the boundaries which I made any longer.  First day , I had hardly five kids but last day I had almost 20-22 kids . The reason , simply was that children were enjoying themselves and through mouth publicity the grew into a good numbers. They were learning something new which they liked. They were busy , doing something productive and creative. And above all , their parents were encouraging them a lot , after all now children were not watching tv , wasting their time and irritating their parents.


Last day had become very memorable for me as I got many wishes as well as many amazing feedbacks , which I had hardly expected. A small kid , Parv Vyas who is in 3rd std , though couldn’t complete his comics but he made comics in his drawing book which was on “water conservation”. He gave message that – “we should not bath in shower and waste water”. That amazing kid himself used to bath in shower but when he made that comics , he told his mother that – “I wont bath in shower and in bath tub because I myself made comics on that, we should not waste water”.  His mother told me on last day that I was trying to teach  him this from last two months but he wouldn’t listen to me , now your comics workshop has done what I couldn’t. This was a Big Compliment for me. I got success. I told her that if such small child can understand what I wanted to convey then I think I am succeeded in my effort.

The response was beyond expectations. I knew Banswara is not a developed city , but it is an intellectual city. People are ahead in taking initiatives and they engage themselves in many social activities. Many people came to meet me during workshop , to understand the concept and wish me luck. My principle , Saroj Nagawat ma’am asked me to organize a workshop in my old school , which is a thing to proud on. Parv’s mother , who is also a teacher asked me to add Theatre also next time , as she says , many people are interested in learning new things.

Earlier I had planned to take registration fees but then I discarded that thought and took no fees from anyone and so couldn’t provide much things and gifts to kids. But the response and enthusiasm of visitors and well wishers was so amazing that Last Day , Saroj ma’am gifted drawing books to children and Kothari aunty gave them pencils and other stuff . My parents financed the whole workshop. Whole in whole , the workshop  was beyond expectations… & my experience…. Ah! I am short of words now J

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