Thursday, December 31, 2009

P.S. – Who cares!





On 31st night … when everybody is celebrating … when phone lines are busy … when a flood comes of sms… Jeanie is sitting alone on the terrace with her vine and cakes and guitar … she looked at the Full Moon … how beautiful he looks but he is alone too… (she laughs … but her eyes can not deceive her heart … a tear falls… ) Jeanie plays her favorite song – puri umra hum mar mar ke jee diye , ek pal to ab hame jeene do .. je lene do…ohhooo … Gimme sunshine , gimme some rain , gimme another chance I wanna grow up once again..

Jeanie is silent… not peaceful … but she loves being alone and doing what she likes .. this should be her best 31st… but no she feels as if something is missing.. and what’s that?
Friends !!!! those who love her and she loves… she is missing them terribly… She wanted to spend this night with someone special…

She sips her coffee… its almost 1.am … but she is not feeling sleepy… she thinks about Vish.. she picks up her mobile.. no Msg , no Miss call… She won’t initiate.. not because of pride or ego but because she is afraid.. afraid of spoiling everything… what if everything went wrong? What is she spoils his mood or he spoils hers? No… better be alone. Yeah! … and what about Casper?? Ohh he would be with his friends.. now its too late.. I should stay out of his life… well what about others?? Ohh… who others?? They all are celebrating this day.. I should better be content with what I have .. this beautiful night , precious moon , vine , guitar.. and Myself..!!!! She plays another song – Hello .. is it me you are looking for..!!! And then another one - My heart goes on…and last one – Keep Smile ..!!!

Suddenly her phone rings.. (an unknown number) … With one ring she decided not to pick up and with another ring she thinks lets see who is this… but with another ring she doesn’t feel the enthusiasm to be ready for something new and unknown… at last she says to herself- “F*** the world ! Who cares about next!! Lets see what’s coming my way”… In the last ring she picks up the phone and says – “hello !” … the voice replies – “hiiieee Jeanie !” .. Jeanie doesn’t recognize the voice so she raises her tone and asks - “Who is this?” The voice replies – “any guess?” .. Jeanie shouts – “ohh my God.. Michel ! Where r u ?” “Ohh..I mean How are you?” …
“Jeanie I am in your city right now and I am very excited…”
“Excited??”
“Oh you asked me how I am right? So I am very excited because in 1 hour I am going to meet you??”
“Wait! What ? meet me?? Where?and why?”
“At your apartment! And Jeanie you ask so many questions.”
“Be ready ! I am coming there in one hour .”(he hangs up the phone)

Jeanie is puzzled. What? How? Why?? Ohh you didn’t get these questions right? – well What was this? How this happened?? Why …… tonight?? Why it happens with me?? And Michel my old buddy with whom I thought I would fall in love … we had tried open relationship … we had tried live – in relationship… (Jeanie laughs). but in a week when he stayed at my apartment we both realized that we are not compatible.... and now.. what is he doing in my life and that too tonight?? Seriously when you lose hope for any surprise its when you really get a surprise. Jeanie is surprised but she is happy too … at least something new was happening in her life.
She gets ready and wears her favorite frock… but before that she cleans her home… and with bright lights she burns the fragrant candles too. She is not thinking anything which is not veg ….so keep your wild imaginations in control :P

… ( A hard knock on the door … Michel’s old habit! Huh! ) Jeanie opens the door… Michel comes in with some fresh flowers... Jeanie blushes.. she knows these are for her so she looks at them with greedy smile.. But Michel bluntly says – “Sorry darling these are not for you”… and as he goes in the bedroom he puts them in the vase near bed and says – “these are for this lovely room where I spent my most precious hours…oh Jeanie I miss you a lot” He hugs her… she too smiles… and thinks ( he hasn’t changed.. the same old “Mr. Who cares!” … )

Its 3 am … both are watching the romantic movie , eating wafers , sipping coffee, and teasing each other… and the time was flying… they didn’t realize its already The dawn of New Year.
The movie was finished… and Michel said Jeanie – “lets have a view of sunrise”… so they both made another cup of coffee and went to upstairs… there they welcomed the
Sun… The New Year’s sun …. !!! Michel was holding Jeanie in his arms.. “its such a beautiful morning…isn’t it Jeanie?” Jeanie said nothing … she thought “yes its pretty beautiful .. but it wouldn’t be beautiful without Michel… !!! Its strange yet its true that sometimes we should not restrict ourselves …and let things go and find their own way…”

6.30am and both Jeanie and Michel are fast asleep in the bed. What ? Why? … What Michel actually wanted?? Why he came last night?? Oh Who cares!! They both had a lovely night and cozy morning… they both looked for a beautiful bond… so who cares about the name of the relationship? They two understand this and its enough for them …. !!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"the story of your eyes..."




A song for you :)




Let me read "the story of your eyes",
Let me read your heart,
I know I don’t understand you now,
But I want to and don’t know how?

Let me drown into you,
Let me wipe off the scars and fears,
I know I hurt you a lot,
May be because I am afraid or confused,
Or I am selfish (as you said)
But you know , don’t you? That I am mad.

Let me not think beyond this point,
Let me have some good memories –
Dusk of sharing,

Night of love,
And dawn with His white Dove,
I know this scheme is not funny,
But I really want to spend some time (with you) honey.

Let me sit beside you with hand in hand,
Let me watch this tempestuous calm sea,
Let me dance with you in rain,
Let me have some wild fantasy
I know and I have heard – "Life is not easy",
But don’t we like adventures and being frizzy?

Let us explore the world and ourselves,
Let us take a new birth each moment,
I know and I have heard – "Everything is possible",
Then let us enjoy !! who cares if we are not compatible.


A funny incident !


The most funniest thing of the end of the year---

We are “home alone”!!!…celebrating , enjoying n doing everything which can’t be done in mom dad’s presence . Well but I am the eldest one at home so I have to cook too. Today I had to cook only for my granddad so I made only chapatti and vegetable. Actually I would admit that I am not a good cook I have just learnt cooking by chance . … well what happened is – that I covered the bowl of vegetable by plate and I was doing some other work. I let that vegetable burn on the gas ….. and the result was – it was burnt !!!! But I didn’t lose my hope… I took out some vegetable which was on the top and didn’t burn … and served it to my granddad … the moment was very difficult for me as I had to hide my anxiety and show as if nothing is wrong with the vegetable. Well I was really very much afraid – firstly, because of this incident vegetable had become less in quantity and secondly , because my granddad is very particular about food.. he can point out any missing thing in the food and never forgets to remark upon our mistakes – and today I had done no small mistake… God please help me!!! I avoided every glance of granddad.


He was eating … and I couldn’t concentrate on tv… suddenly granddad said – “ Aaj sabji achhi bani hai… “ And I was like – “kya?” He again said “aaj sabji achhi banhi hai” And I was blank. For a moment I couldn’t understand whether he was taunting or really appreciating me because till today I haven’t heard any “Praise Words” from his mouth…(it was a miracle!)… then I couldn’t say a word… and the first think I wanted to do was to call my sister and laugh out loud…. Lolzz…!!!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Will you love me....?




I may not be the brightest star,


Or a rarest gem,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




What is life n what is love?


I don't know these names,


I am none n I am zero in this game,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




Call me sunshine , call me a silly dame,


Or call me with any name,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




I am ripped apart into two,


One is me , one is you,


But I haven't lost my track, am still sane,


Will you love me for what I am?


Say my love, say once in my name,


Will you love me for what I am?




Love me...


for...


what I am...




Because I may not be the brightest star,


Or the rarest gem,


But I am what I am.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Love


(Today , I watched “The Reader” , I cried ; not for the movie because nothing made us cry except something which lies inside us, I don’t exactly have words which could define what I am feeling now but I can say I am deeply touched . And pardon me for I am going to write my views , which are very personal , on a very delicate topic, and if you are not agree with this, I would respect your disagreement too.)

I don’t know about every person but there are few people … people who have a secret space in their hearts . A space where no one entered before and no one is known to it. This secret chamber is never closed for the person himself and he can always feel its air.

We ask what is love? For me, Love is the eyes which have seen this chamber of the beloved, the heart which knows its darkness , the breathe which is blended in its air … And the Lover is – one who is standing at its door , one who knows the person as well as his secret chamber.

And I believe , only those people can feel love who possess this secret chamber within them.

Do you understand this? If you do , then you will know , Love can not be defined , Love can not be bounded , Love has no name , Love is like air you can only feel it… and if you try to make out its structure , you will waste your life.

- Love,

Monday, December 21, 2009

P.S. - Something Unspoken


Hey Vish how are you?
I am great darling . How about you?
I am good.
What’s up?
Nothing . I was just having a little booze party with my best friend.
Who? Shanky?
Yeah ! Who else could be?
Wao !
What’s wao in this?
No , I mean its good you are with Shanky. Now you will introduce me to him. Right!
Shut up!
Please Vish … let me once speak to him.. I like him.
Why ? What have you seen in him ?
Nothing , just his name is nice and I think he would not be lunatic like you…
What? Lunatic ! Oh ! Great… listen Jeanie don’t take his name otherwise …
What otherwise? Common you are a friend and you behave as if I am your girlfriend.
… ok Fine! Go … talk to him.
No… leave it now!
( After a brief pause)
Jeanie!
Yeah!
……… ( A long silence creeps in)
Say Vish!
Nothing.
Vish! I want to tell you something. I made a blunder.
What Jeanie?
Vish … I got involved in s** with somebody …. Someone who is married… ohh… but not physically it was something … mental s**… I don’t know how to explain everything..
You don’t need to explain anything.
I know .. I know Vish now you will hate me… I am just a …
Shut up! I don’t hate you Jeanie.. I can not… I tried to hate you … but I can not… I don’t know the reason…..
{Jeanie sobs fervently}
Why I am like this Vish? Why?
Because you are an angel… you remember Jeanie that dream of angel who was crying too?
Yeah Vish.
Jeanie angels are meant to be suffered… not because of their sins… but because of other’s sins … those whom they love . So Jeanie my baby you are innocent.
No I know I am not… I am convinced in my heart that I am terribly wrong.
Ohhoo …. Jeanie ! Look … hey baby! Just see yourself from my eyes… then probably you will realize your worth. Have you heard that quote – You may be nothing for this world but for someone you are the whole world.
Hmm… Vish!
Jeanie!
Vish!
Jeanie…(I love you)
What did you say?
I have said it.
Please repeat.
Miss you dear!
Miss you too Vish! And thank you.
Keep your “thank you” with yourself little goose!
You moron.
Get lost !
You get lost!
Gimme a kiss na.
Go to hell… ( Both laugh)
Bye
Bye Vish!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ode to Tranquility


The road on which I walk
Say - Stop ,stop! to my wandering thoughts,
And demand again - Look at me! with tranquil pose.
I do look and wonder
Oh! why did i never look before?
What a scene! Oh! look at this rose.

Lush green trees and velvety grass,
Sun is down too and wind blows fast
Lets sit here and bunk the class.
Why! my stray thoughts need a break,
And I need a healthy space.
Why not I bask in the sun and feel the grass?

Ah! what tranquility my mind feels,
And like some soft balm
It cures me and heals
I cry not - not a tear falls
In fact a smile plays on my lips
I talk to myself and deal.

Now all my problems have been solved,
My mind is calm again,
Almost without any thought.
Goodbye! friendly trees
Goodbye! sweet sun and breeze
Now I walk again on that road
As my tranquility is again restored.



Butterfly



I am perhaps like a butterfly
Not in beauty
But in nature
Who is never satisfy.

One flower is not enough,
Beauty enchants me,
And I like to fly.

I like to explore,
That is why,
I wander from one to another door.

And its not I fed up easily,
Or my love fades away soon,
But I am like that night,
Which always loves its moon.

My heart wears color like a butterfly,
Each flower adds different shade,
And it shines like a starry sky.


I am perhaps like a butterfly
Not in beauty
But in nature
Who is never satisfy.




P.S. - Vish and Jeanie (A strange friendship)

Hiee Jeanie
Hello Vish! How do you do?
I am ok.
Just ok? Why what happened?
Nothing … as such… I am fine.
No , you are not . Tell me what happened?
Oh Jeanie! …I … I watched a strange dream today.
Oh Dream? What was that Vish?
Jeanie .. I saw myself as a poor little boy who is very sad deep in his heart but he doesn’t tell anybody. He was sad because he had no one to play with…. One day he was lingering outside his house… and suddenly rain started … he thought he heard someone crying …he looked here and there and then he looked up … and he saw a beautiful angel who was crying.. he couldn’t stop himself from asking her what happened… before she could reply her mother angel called her up and she went away without looking at him….
This was the dream. I didn’t see further. But when I woke up something more strange happened. As I went to open the window I found it was raining outside.. for a moment I felt the presence of that angel… Jeanie I can not forget her… It sounds stupid but I … I am worried about her … Jeanie…..
Ohh Vish! You are such a … a darling! .. a sweetheart!…. You are really a little boy ….
But Jeanie what does my dream mean?
This wasn’t a dream.
What? Then what was it?
This was a truth hidden under the veil of fantasy.
What truth?
That you are lonely. That you need someone.
Hmm… may be.
You know what few days back even I saw a strange dream.
Really? And what did you see ?
I saw myself as an angel…. An angel who is crying … because someone has broken her wings… Even I saw the rain …. But it was not water … it was not tears … it was… it was blood Vish.. the dream was horrible… I didn’t see the end.. but when I woke up I felt so low as if someone has died.
Hey Jeanie!
Vish you know what? Earlier I used to call myself an angel … I was so dumb that I used to write Angel on my hand. But after I saw this dream … I felt that this angel has died inside me… That innocent angel no more resides in me….
Shut up! You are an angel. Believe me! You are …
Hey Vish! You are such a nice friend but you don’t need to do this. I am fine.
Hmm…. And what if I want to give you a hug?
I would say – Vish! I need your warm arms around me… hold me fast.
Oh Jeanie! …. (Vish hugs Jeanie tightly.)…. (Jeanie kissed Vish on his cheeks.)
I want some peace Parker…. I want to die…
shh shut up! You silly goose.
You moron.
Get lost.
You get lost..
(both laugh….)
Vish I am happy to meet you. You are a great friend.
Hmm… I know.
Take care and goodbye.
You too.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Weep no more ...

O weep no more , weep no more!
You have lost nothing-
Not which was ever yours
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , no more my dear!

Weep no more!
Because you aren't alone,
You have a power that meets none,
Time and Nature heals everything
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , no more my dear!

Weep no more,
Because you have been cheated
Or you have lost a dear one,
Some leaves you , some fills every gap,
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , weep no more my dear!


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

One more Christmas !




I am going to see one more Christmas of my life. I will be alone. I don’t regret it. But I miss somebody. People who don’t belong to this earth. Those who are preciously and secretly kept in your heart and memory. The pictures of those days float in my mind… I can see myself as a young pretty woman who is very excited as Christmas is coming. She is excited to meet her family whom she has not seen for whole year. She would buy presents for all those near and dears. She has learnt a new recipe for cake also. But suddenly a picture pops in – a little girl appears… wearing a pretty frock and laces with a cute red cap… what an earthly angel she is!… before Christmas night when she is about to sleep.. she looks out of her window secretly … search for the moon… her mind starts running as what to think .. how to imagine… how to make this night wonderful … yeah! She got an idea… first she looks at the sky…night is lovely it has covered all the worries and sins of the evil world…the stars look enchanting ….they are the eyes of the sky …but where is Santa Clause? And his gifts?? Where are the angels? Are they not celebrating the Christmas?... she closes her eyes.. and imagines Santa Clause and angels in the sky… a party is going up above in the sky.. wow!!!

I have not changed from that little girl . I will again celebrate myself and make this day as wonderful as I can . I am cheerful, happy, gay , merry .. oh! did I say merry? Well I meant Merry Christmas to all of you J And yeah God and angels are looking at you … your words will be heard on this day so speak carefully about your future you never know you curse life and it may give you lesser next time. So be merry and eat cherry !! lolzz.. a stupid phrase!
Merry Christmas !

Friday, December 4, 2009

Random thoughts ....

This world is a madhouse , isn't it?
I tell you about a girl's experience. There is a girl who at one time spoke with different men , of different age , of different location , of different fields. And while she spoke with everyone she opened her heart and showed her real self. Everyone was charmed by her beautiful and sweet heart so they also opened their heart to some extents. After a short period , she saw that everyone was utter lonely in their hearts and they all needed only one thing Love which has different synonymns like - comfort , healing, care etc... But their approach was different from one another. Everyone of them wanted to fulfill their biological needs and they covered it under the goodly shield of love. While no one actually loved her , they only appreciated and liked her. Even the girl didn't love anyone. She wanted love together with sex but she thought thinking about sex is a sin. Slowly she realised that everyone thinks about sex and perhaps when they say they want love , they actually need your body. She realised that its difficult to separate these two things . It was her predicament but I think this is a problem with most of us that we want to open ourselves but we don't have enough guts . ..... Can't we try to see both Love and Sex as different things rather mingling them. When we look for love we are over powered by sexual feelings and when we want to have some sexual pleasure we try to hide our feeling under the name of love.
When everybody knows what other wants why we hide our emotions? Is it because of guilt feelings or is it because of long deep rooted "sanskara"? What's this? Thinking about all this paradoxes of life I really feel that I am living in a madhouse.

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JLT

I WISH I could listen to what you had to say.