Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

isnt it weird and strange dat u write a poem for someone ... and he reads it just like all readers ... though he knows it is written for him... and someone else ... someone may be from ur past ... wants to read it ... he reads it ... and makes it his own ...he enters into ur world ... which you expected from ur own guy....  does it mean he understands u well?loves u more? or you are more imp to him than to ur own guy? ... Life cheats you ... throws u inside the palace of illusions... I am all confused about the thing called love ... watching movies now a days at home .... he said that sorta love only exists in movies ... is it true? wont i get that love ever? well be it as it is... I love myself ... and I think marriage - this business is not for me... not even commitment ... i called myself a free bird... no one can possess me ... not even I ; ) wat i want now is to build up my dreams on the plane of reality ... i will do it ... yeah I can !!!       :)

One of my far relative committed suicide yesterday. She was aged . And the reason as assumed of her suicide  was her longing to live with her sons who at present live far from home. It was a tragedy. Not only of her but of our society and its contradictory values. Why contradictory? because it was her husband only who asked his son to go outside his hometown so that he will be able to earn more. The wish of her husband became the reason of her death. It is in the seeds of our Karma , our destiny lies. And "Samskara" or the bringing up of a child , shapes up your future and his own future. ***

Life cheats you beats you badly badly treats you And you have only two options either , Fight or just say that - Its Okay! you see, I am an unprivileged. I am very much Alive. And they have given me a Sword to fight. But I wont fight. I am a common girl. I know I can not fight. Fighting is a bad thing you know... and ... Well ! Its okay ! And If he too doesn't treat me well its okay ! I will leave him. I knew I will have to ... one day ... but its okay! One has to suffer God knows for what reasons ... These are the really bad times. But its okay ... We will fight as usual out of some unconscious habit - a fight to survive... ***

I wish to talk to you I want to talk to you I want to talk Silence As you want to hear silence You want to hear silence You want to hear nothing besides it So I speak nothing I crave to speak Crave to speak something Something besides silence So I speak to myself I share with myself All my words and silences All my silences and words Now I share with myself.

Its Very Difficult ! Difficult to shake off your Conditioning to go against Who made you to go against yourself or -  What you have become. I stand before him ...  and try to shake off ... I try ... try not to sound traditional But I am no non-conformist either I am... I am still a struggler  Struggling to find what I am And to shake off  What they have made me And to embrace  What I want to become And... And I become nothing. I just remain a product of my conditioning.  I want to love  to...make...love... And ... I am sorry I can not be me you see... marriage... and ... lots of things ... and ... I am afraid and... let it be. I will try another day try... try to shake off my conditioning... when I meet you another day. I meet you another day !

I live and I don't. Its something that goes on and one doesn't even realize this. The Transition is so quick . I will talk something of the world around me. Well , its black and red and rough and blue So much to see and so much to .... A local bus. faces and masks Bad guys Bad breath Old ladies Unshampooed hairs Loose tied sarees Old village men Brown skins and black boots Unfit like themselves. Whaaaat a  LIFE ! So unworthy So torn out Yet they wear If you ask them why? They will say - We dont know We dont care. And what about those Who know ... very purpose of their life lies in Dirtiness How I know? well their dirtiness crawl upon my body sometimes waist or down or up or anywhere. Whaaat a Death! Let me die. Hey ! no ! She said today in the class - Nothing and no one in life is worth taking your life. But why Van Gogh suicides? And why Woolf ? What about the immortal nightingale of Keats? And what's there in the Byzantium ...