Thursday, March 28, 2013

Between you and me

You are not just a blog, alright, and you know it. 
Though sometimes a couple of anonymous comments come between you and me,
But we will be true to each other, anyway. Deal, right? 
We will be true to each other !!

beautiful friends.

Thank you for being one ;) 

and ...

I wish I could undo it,
become again, an anonymous.

All I want is

I don't want to be a Show Piece.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

How a bond builds up....

How a bond builds up....

It builds up slowly gradually when you both think about each other, and do things for each other.

I remember my last Holi. Holi is one festival, on which I really like to shut up myself in my room. But last year, it was my brother who expressed a wish to play holi. And I agreed. I still remember what I was thinking at that time. I had thought, this might be our last holi and after years when I look back I would regret to break his heart and miss this chance. I don't know since when I decided, I won't miss the chance. And really, it is the only holi which I would remember fondly after years n years...
So, perhaps, that's how a bond builds up :)

Monday, March 25, 2013

when present holds no keys...

I know what I need right now.

To be put in danger. So that I can feel life.

To be put in extreme situation. So that I can take a decision.

To be put in compromising situation. So that I can show, I have got some ground.

To be asked to stay in hole. So that I can choose to fly.

Yeah... one day she told my friend, I won't fly, coz I am used to comforts now. What is it actually that binds me to this place? Is it really my own comfort? I know now, what people must be saying about me.
No no... I am not the girl who would say - - - I had a dream once.
I am going to do it. I am going to take a decision soon. It would a little painful in the beginning. It might be a mistake. But I don't care anymore about making mistakes. All I care for is - that I am listening to my heart - even if it takes me miles away ... on an undiscovered land ! Or binds me to my duty.

"When present holds no keys
for the Future doors
Just sit by the window
and dream for a blue sky,
for a blue sea... "

[7/52] girl in the window / Michelle Poeung

Thursday, March 21, 2013

that Life is a gift...

Those who have a life, always wonder what would happen if everything ends unexpectedly. Years ago, Jeanie used to wonder if she could have another story. A one thrilling and unexpected. 

Jeanie dreamed it this way - 

She always wants to die, not because she does not love her life but she loves death more. She was in love with death, as someone falls in love with the Blue Poison. One day she gets to know she is going to die soon.  She is happy beyond limits. But at the same time she begins to feel restless. How she would spend her last days? What she would do? There were plenty of things to do. Those she had planned to do when something happens like this. Well, she makes a plan. She will spend her last days, making moments. 

Jeanie quits her job. Packs her stuff. Locks her house. And goes out. No plans. She just goes out, any street , any city, any place ... She behaves crazy at times but tries never to lose the touch with her aim - making moments. She makes friends with strangers, listens to old ladies, plays with lonely kids, offers her help, shares her food, brings a smile on tensed faces, spread the only message - Live to Love and Love to Live. 
But all the while, she was preparing to die. 

One day on one of her freaky odd jobs, she meets a guy. They both fall in love with each other. But before he could know anything about her, she moves on leaving him behind. Although she leaves a note behind - " I love you. But I am selfish enough, for the reasons you would probably never know. I love you, and there is some beauty in loving someone forever whom you could only get back to in memories.
Remember me. Yours, forever! " 

Jeanie dies. Nobody actually cries on her death. No one actually ever gets to know if she lives or died. But people who came in touch with her, cherish her memories... and that's what she always wanted - to make the moments.
While this dream still plays on a projector of her unconscious mind. Jeanie realized one thing later on. She could love her life as much as she loves the death. Both have their Perfect Timings. So why not, make the moments for as long as she lives? Might be difficult, but that's the challenge, and that's the another face of beauty. 

Jeanie realized that Life is a Gift given by a Stranger. And you never destroy a gift, you use it fully, till its last thread has remained unbroken. You be grateful for a gift, you never curse it or the giver. The beauty of the gift called life is that it is given by a Mysterious Stranger. You only give gifts to those you love, isn't it? So, the Mysterious Stranger is in love with you, has immense faith in you and believes you would make best of it. And you know what, how he gave it to you? You have forgotten it see. One day, he left it on your door. It was signed by these words : " To, my favorite Angel, ....
                       From,  A Stranger. "
super bite

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Saturday, March 16, 2013

The little green jungl

"There's a surprise for you!"
"What's that tell me."
"There's a surprise for you , when you would come down here."
"Aahh... really! I am waiting for it."

The virtual window closed but the dream window opened and how swiftly you flow on dreams till the very reality closes you tight in its embrace. Jay reached on the land of Warriors. The whole group planned a camp-out. "What a surprise!" Jay exclaimed. "Enjoy..." Tadz teased her with his lovely smile. They stayed on a hill that looked to the little green jungle. While in the group some were drinking, other dancing, some had secrets to share, Jay was quietly letting the Nature do wonder with her. Contrary to her own imagination, she fell quiet when she met all her friends after months. She went early to sleep. She woke up around mid-night and knew it was supposed to be this way only. She left the camp, and headed downwards to the little green jungle. It was calling her. With each step out, Jay took a step in her heart. She was high all the way. No sooner she reached at the point where the jungle starts, the spell broke, why was she here? She looked up at the sky to find the bright star. The sky was mute black. A rumbling voice came from here and there but she wasn't afraid, she was only stunned at her courage. Suddenly she startled, "oh...Tad." He was smiling big. "You are here!" Jay said. "And what you are doing here.". "I was...exploring I guess." "You are here because you heard a call." "oh... is it planned by you." "Who am I to plan? You head at your heart's order, isn't it?" " You are a maze." "And you are amazing." Tadz laughed out an hearty laugh, and held Jay's hand, "come I will show you something." They walked for about twenty odd minutes. Nobody spoke to each other, but they were talking all the while. They both knew, they are living a miracle, and that an invisible magical thread was bounding them.

"Here's it." "That's a pond!" "Yes, shaded by thick bushes. It is one of those rare undiscovered ponds which has the Power to Transform." "What do you mean." He smiled mysteriously, "Go and find out." Jay was at her wit's end. "What do you mean, go and find out?" "Recall your dream, Awaken it, Live it, this time like all times will never come into you life...." His eyes shined under the thick black sky, " I am waiting outside the little green jungle, meet me there." Tad disappeared in a blink of an eye. Jay was completely short of breath. She had a look around, the dark bushes, the deep water, the deadly sky and yet... a flower appeared amid the dark bush, a star was born in the blank sky , her sight revealed to her the most wondrous miracles. She closed eyes tightly and took off  her cloths one by one. As soon as she stepped into the water, she saw the whole pond lit up with silvery light. It was the Moon. Her joy and wonder knew no bound. She felt blessed but more than blessed she felt transformed.

"hi..." Tadz opened his eyes, and saw a girl standing before him. "Jay! its you." "yeah... " Jay felt her wet hands and crossed them in order to feel warm. "So...?" Jay was blank. "Are you.." Jay interrupted, "I saw a vision." "Live it." "She put her hands on his warm chest, felt him. He held her close and enveloped her little lips with a long kiss. As they both walked back to the camp, they were silent, but talking to each other all the while, Tad said, you are more like yourself now, a warrior princess !  and Jay said, no matter what battle you fight we will meet at this pond again in every life. This was the Joy, this was the Meditation.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Tale of a Rat

So it is about this Rat who has invaded our little home with a little privacy. For a days, we would set a trap and throw them out nicely. But one day, this new chap, or may be the old-experienced one entered our home and is still playing hide-n-seek. This is a real clever fellow. First of all, he is not at all greedy. What not we put up for him in the trap? A bite of chapati, then a tomato, and then the crumbs of bread- he will just not get affected. One day he entered into my room. Well, it was not one day. It was One night. You can imagine what happened then. lol. No, its not that, that I screamed, shouted, woke up all around in the range of few kilometers. No... I cursed him. I can't imagine it is a She-Rat. lol. I tip-toed out of the room, and slept or.. rather could not sleep that night. Aw... I can't tell you, since that day, I have begun to hate Rats in an altogether different way. The next morning, we all wondered on why the rat is not trapped yet. May be, he is not as greedy. May be he has become smart now. I suggested, He must be a Sanyaasi, must have left in taking food. But it was my brother who came out with an enlightening thought- "It is not a He-Rat. It is a She-Rat. A He-Rat can be trapped easily. He can not be this much clever." We were struck dumb. What a thought!

So, you see, we have a new member at home now. Although it is just a Rat, it has contributed immensely in keeping us awake while we study, give us an interesting topic to discuss, give us a chance to observe the other world of animals, and made me understand the psyche of a man! :D

Who she is.

At one moment she is Jeanie, hurt immensely in her search of love, another moment she is Samyaa, an exiled warrior princess. At moments she takes up a  name S.J., to hide herself from the severity of the world, at other times she wears her real identity to show to the world, she hasn't quit. And she will never.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Angel ~ S.J

S.J whispered to the winds, losing herself in every touch of wind, " Why do I do it? I don't know.
Its just about the heart. It tells you to do, and you do it.
And I have always believed in what my heart says.
So, I welcome whatever comes."

The wind whispered back softly,"you are an angel."

I am beyond...

Nothing could have bound me to date, no one will ever. I am the wind, fierce but free. I am the sky, vast yet free. I am the earth, dutiful but free. I am the water, can you still bound me?
I am not your daughter, I am not your sister, I am not anyone's friend or lover. I am energy. You see with positive lenses, I am positive. You see me from negative lenses, I am negative. You see me red, I become that for you. You see me blue, I become that for you. But I have no color of my own. I have no name of my own, but you have given me so many names, and so you astray.

I seem to have a past, but how many pasts have I then? See beyond, you will have your answers.
I will have a future, but the seeds of my future have already been sown, only the flower is yet to born, the fruits yet to flourish. Believe in the process, believe on the time, free yourself, Divine will hold your hand. She surely Guides those who have given themselves to Her. She is Mother of Universe, She is the Soul of all Souls. Surrender yourself in her Service, she will show you your path.

I saw a shadow behind me till I saw myself a body. As a human being, I am still the same. Yet something has changed. I  embrace the paradoxes of the world. My dark can not be separated from my bright. And so I can not live in peace until I embrace both gracefully. 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

No seriously, its the height of everything. I need to grow young. Lol.

At least, I should behave according to my age. Hang outs, spend a lot until I go bankrupt. Run Away. Double Dates, Flirt around( oh my god, I have almost forgotten to flirt !) My ! what the heck I have become, a pile of Good Old Books. No no no... I need to check on it. I need to go back. Need to live, commit more mistakes , come on, what if I get Moksha in this life? No Man. I need to do bad karmas to be able to born again. Karma cycle you see. Its so strict. Its almost the time to be what you haven't got opportunity to be. ;) 


(Laugh out loud) I just can't believe I am single. I mean, F--- man! I am single ! There can't be eighth wonder than this. And I can't feel how love feels like. I can't feel like a teenage girl anymore. I can't imagine talking crap with you. Sometimes I can't imagine at all. That's awful at times, when you can't imagine the love of your life. I can imagine sacrifice, i can imagine, purpose, i can imagine duty, i can imagine marriage, but i can't imagine love anymore, i can't imagine fun, i can't imagine care, i can't imagine possessiveness, i can't imagine madness, i can't imagine love that is beyond morality and that's why they have gone from my stories too. I want to be a fool in love, a mad, a possessive, an eccentric , just like any other girl. Yes, I want to love.

P.S. ~ Make me love you !

Monday, March 11, 2013

Leave your footprints behind,

But while you walk,

Do not worry about the Footprints. !!

Monday, March 4, 2013


“Jeanne, I fell asleep among the paintings, where I could sit for many days worshipping your portrait. I fell in love with your portrait, Jeanne, because it will never change. I have such a fear of seeing you grow old, Jeanne, I fell in love with an unchanging you that will never be taken away from me. I was wishing you would die, so that no one could take you away from me, and I would love the painting of you as you would look eternally.” 

― Anaïs Nin

P.S. I have got my Jeanie, again. 

such similarity !

“A man fell in love with Jeanne, and she tried to love him. But she complained that he uttered such ordinary words, that he could never say the magic phrase which would open her being.” 

― Anaïs Nin, Under a Glass Bell

I feel as if I am her Incarnation. 

my blog - my journal !

“I only regret that everybody wants to deprive me of the journal, which is the only steadfast friend I have, the only one which makes my life bearable, because my happiness with human beings is so precarious, my confiding moods rare, and the least sign of non-interest is enough to silence me. In the journal I am at ease.” 

― Anaïs Nin
Art Journal 2011: Dare to Dream Heart - Dina Staggs

Sunday, March 3, 2013

musings of a born-troubled soul -2

What was that animal, who , at the sight of a little gleam, would again hide into its shell? 

So was it last night's dream? When the only name rang in my ear was of Irom Sharmila? And I woke up perspiring, wondering why her name is echoing in my secret chambers of sleep? No one can enter here easily, without having a relation to my unconscious, without having a strong tie to my past or irresistible desires...

There is a girl, who was a rebel. There is a girl, who was self-centered. There is a girl, who believed in super-natural powers. There is a girl who refused the present life and believed in an after-life. There is a girl, who became dreamy. Inclined towards Journalism. There is a girl, who then turned to home. Celebrated the pious simple life of love and care. There is a girl, who became Spiritual. Yearned for a spiritual life and solitude. There is a girl who at the brink of 'Spiritual Escape' faced a harsh wind of Social Reality. There is a girl, who stands at the cross-road, not understanding which road is meant for her. There is a girl, who is stunned, speechless !!!

My prayer -

There are bad people outside, but there are good ones also. Please, make me see the Good, give me strength to fight the bad. Give me power of Intuition to stand up at the right time and make me learn the Harmonious way to live the life. Make me never lose the in-sight of your Vastness. Make me virtuous, elegant and let my cup of love always overflow.

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