Sunday, February 24, 2013

Bhala hua...

I lost my specs, this prompted me to wonder, what if I lose my eyes one day, though Milton is there! But , what if it really happens, outside my literary world? Then just one doha of kabir rings in my ear, " bhala hua meri matki futi, main paani bharan se chhuti." i.e. Good that my vessel has broken, now I wouldn't have to go through the ritual of filling the vessel every day.

Did you ever realize how deep it could be? Are our eyes not the vessels that fill the images of the world - good, bad, beauty, ugly, dirty, violent - all unnecessary things. If we become blind to the material images, all that would remain is- formless beauty of God, flowing incessantly in our hearts. And likewise, all five senses are vessels that we fill from worldly things.

Now, understand the interpretation of doha, in a positive sense, "Good that it has broken." The phrase is full of optimism. It does not say - "Its okay" or "Now when it has broken"  But it emphasizes on "Good that it happened." The phrase underlines the infinite faith in God and his Doings. "Accha hua... " Behind it is a sense,  Whatever he does, ultimately it is for our good.

"Bhala hua meri matki footi,
Main paani bharan se chhuti."

I could create happiness then

Guess what! from a long time I am acutely missing two things very much from my childhood memories of myself. One, I had been so powerfully imaginative, that if I imagined I am a british dancer, I would become so in my most sensible moments. Second, I could create happiness. I remember once, was it birthday or Valentine's day or New Year I don't remember, but I had no one around, and I so much wanted to celebrate  the day, what I did was- woke up at twelve around, turn on the night lamp, brought my fav cake pieces, I hummed my fav songs, danced, laughed, imagined things and lived the moment fully.
I could create happiness then !

philippe salomon

Oh my Blog!

Alright , I guess I am in terrible mood to talk today. And guess what, I have come out of something. An irritating feeling, that someone is watching over you , watching over all your acts, no I am not a psychopath but it is about the blog. I don't like the feeling that I am being read. Yes I am among those few, who prefer solitude over "being together all the time". Because once you allow someone to enter into your zone, either you are trapped emotionally, or you make a fool out of yourself. Blog has made me meet so many people. And I am someone who can't be rude to you, be it whatever. So, I allow people to enter into my territory, which actually makes me more conscious, and takes away my freedom of being myself. But now, no more of that trap. I had forgotten one thing, I am capable of making a human relation with in-human things. And oh my blog ! we share a very very different relation. I can't allow anyone to walk in between us. Moreover, everything I share with you, is for you, is to keep in my mind only you -at least , it will be so, from now on. :) so Cheers!

musings of a born troubled soul - 1

hi... I dunno if I am writing a letter or addressing someone standing there! I am just its a monologue I guess... but then it is you, my blog, and it is me. I am sorry. I am feeling as if we have only a relation till I am depressed and I have no one there to talk to. But it isn't really. The truth is, I am lost at present. So many things are going and I am not able to find any satisfactory answer or say, I am not able to talk to myself about it. Yes.. that's it. You know at this moment, what I would love to do, to have this home with me for whole day, to start a novel, to pen down my thoughts. I guess, I know what's wrong with me. I am not able to pen down my thoughts in form of a story or poem. So many thoughts, emotions, experiences have piled up, and I need to express them that way. But I don't find solitude. If I ask myself, what I did today, gawd, I didn't do anything that gives pure satisfaction. No, yes, I welcomed guests, I spend time listening to their stories. I called up an old friend. Besides that? Nothing productive. That's so irritating. You want to do so much, but you end up in doing Nothing. "Nothing comes out of nothing".
All I know right now is - either I want to talk to someone - heart to heart talk -Infinitely. Or I want to write- till I write something that satisfies me.
The End.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I am just pondering about *the purpose of life* these days, not that, I find myself devoid of any purpose, but I want to probe into it more, to know the secrets... 

Does the (mother) Nature has any purpose of her being? If yes, what? If the Spring has its purpose, what is the purpose of Fall? Funny, can we imagine our lives without Nature? 

On another thought, what if, okay its very funny so just read it like that, what if we are living the same lives again and again, like watching the same movie again and again? The same plot, the same characters? the same settings ? Or one of the things may be different, but the story is same? So much so, that in all lives, we feel- I know it was going to happen, I knew it, I have been here before, It seems we know each other from many lives.... what is that? The same story? Same mistakes? Or the story with different mistakes, hence different destinies , but One Core Feeling, running through all the lives? 
Well, am I making some sense after all? :P Nevermind, its my Space and Who cares! :P 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Thursday, February 7, 2013


don't talk to me about love,
tell me instead the tales of wars 
and blood-shed, 
tell me about old ladies,
waiting for their husbands and sons,
tell me the fragrance of loneliness and desperation,
tell me what does the old man talk about whole night in his sleep,
tell me the color of gloomy pubs and bars,
and dead faces of dying men,

tell me anything save honey-combed words,
and sweet jelly icing 
I can't take too much of
what my heart knows is a lie. 

Monday, February 4, 2013

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