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Showing posts from January, 2013

How you become yourself

I did a strange thing yest, just on an impulsion, I changed my relationship status on FB - confirming that - I am engaged to my best friend Sheena. Later, I got enraging comments from my so called 'Friends' on FB.

This incident suddenly fired up in me, a hidden part of myself. The more people go against me, call me crazy, make my fun, I know I am not different but they are all same.

I have got courage to accept more loudly, what I strongly believe in. Whether you are with me, or not, I will go the way, I am destined for.

I am becoming myself.

S.J. - its a story !

"Its okay. I won't run away. You can go for as long you want."
"Oh... you woke up... you tried to run away thrice in your hallucinations..."
"Is it? But that is  not called hallucinations. They were attacks."
"Attacks? You scare me."
"Then let me go."
"I can not. Until your sister comes back."
"Sister? oh...Rabbi...she is...she is not my sister....oh leave it... but where has she gone to?"
"She has gone to take your clothes and medicines and some food."
"I remember where is my home. Let me go."
"I cant ! dear lady. Take rest. I have to go."
He goes out and locks the door while she calls him back, "wait ... !" The door opens. Their eyes met for a minute. She breaks the spell , "ah..oh..nothing...i just...i want water."
"Lady its on the side table." With a smile he disappears on the road. The door was left open.

S.J - why don't the flowers bloom ?

"It has been so bitter lovely ! He came like wind, I didn't see it came, when it came, I felt it, though it may be there but I can't see it, I am panicked."
"Are you talking to the wind?"
"Raabela ! I wish wind would hear it... but I can't keep it to myself any longer."
"Jeanie ! don't lose your heart, sit here, you are not well...come, please do..."
She moved to the bench, she looked so tired, she began to speak as if she were talking to herself, " I would do as you say Raabela, I would... " She closed her eyes tightly. Opened them and fixed her gaze at the horizon. It was too cold and nature didn't seem too welcoming, it had covered up itself under a white-hazel blanket.
"You know Raabi, when I was in college I would imagine myself at an isolated place, where I would sit down and look at a thing for a long time, I remember that feeling strongly, I wanted to reach at a point where nothing would affect me, no…

It's just a Game.

Its all a Game to me,
I will play it - 
Risk all
Learn new things
Never lose Hope
Always Believe in Good and Victory
I bet
I would Win
And even if I not
What does it matter
After all -
it's just a Game. 


It's just so Miserable

to have Everything

before you sleep,

You sleep tight and happy


have nothing beside

when you wake up.

Couldn't you stop showing me dreams !

Or at least be honest about what you show me.

P.S. - I m sorry about my ranting, but I can't Trust, Unconsciously  I think - they all are same. 


Believing in rebirth

is good for health


conscience too.


Don't flare up my expectations ,

in the process of Healing,

you can hurt me...

S.J. - Help me

She was uncertain for a moment. But as if in a fix, she brought out a paper, and begin to scribble with a broken pencil that looked so old , like herself.  :
" ...Dea ...A... oh... I don't know how to begin. Its such a torment, not to be able to speak to you when I can. Truly, I can't believe, you and me... I had thought... that doesn't matter. Anyways. After years... the moment came and... I am so broken. You know me, I never want to miss the essence. Whatever it is. But here's... I am missing something crucial. I can not get it. Its like. I am in between. Help me. Would you? "

She folded the paper, placed it into the book. As she went out and crossed the sleepy streets in a winter afternoon, she looked at the book in her hand and wondered, if he would open it... before.. before it gets too late.

Togetherness is a dream

You cradle a dream in your heart. You spend some of the beautiful moments nursing it. It is a dream of Togetherness. Of such a companionship that grows on the deep understanding of each other's being, of each other's dream n desires. Where both are aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses. Where both stand beside each other in life's Ups and Downs. You dream of a time, when you don't want to Go into Tomorrow, because today is just so Perfect.
But Togetherness is a dream. It is, when you never had it in your life, when you did not experience it.  It is, when you are experiencing it. Because it is so perfect, it is Dream-like.  And it is also a dream when the other has moved, in this life or beyond this life.


"rooh rooh ko pehchaanti hai." "The Soul knows the Soul." It finds the other anyway, whether to love, to pay back or to take revenge. Sounds horrible, may be to some its unbelievable , but to me its very practical. Why...why out of crores' population you get to meet some, become friends with few and come closer to even one or two... there must be some reason (past life connections) working behind it. You only realize it when you look back and realize what and how the moment was when you met that person. How after all, the destiny brought you Two Together.

On a lonely night, in a chat box you rarely visit. In a coaching class, you tried not to Join. In a job which you abhorred and wondered why you were doing it. On a bus, you took because your own you missed. When you were really hopeless and left all on God. In the hospital after you met an accident. The hostel, which you thought would make you cry a lot.

Souls know each other, instinctively. Some we lose (the…

S.J. - like a dream...

There comes a time when you begin to feel , things have come to a halt, to a Stop, they are staling, you have become numb, can not feel the ticking of clock and your soul from some deep corner of your being is crying out for some movement.
And then suddenly, with a burst , things started to move, but still, you don't feel the Spark, feel a Special spark which is like Life, life of your dreams.

They would not listen to it. They would call her pessimist and give her plenty of suggestions of how she could be happy. But no one would understand, happiness is just a matter of the state of mind. She knew when to be happy, its when she wanted to be. But happiness is related to the life of your dreams. And the life of her dream was so thin, transparent like dream itself...

She pressed her chilled hands between her legs...the winter nights would not let her sleep, would not let her dream, even her dreams were shivering... she wondered if he was awake, if he was well enough to speak, if he …

I am fool

 she laughs, looks up at the sky, gazes at the stars and at the mystery twinkling through them, she calls them, calls to the wind - 'I am fool, and I am grateful.'  

 ~ S.J.