Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

She hesitates, feels ashamed and guilty talking about her own sister. She is her dark side. what she couldn't be.  S.J. Sat in a dark room. Wondering what is that which is pinning her heart to bleeding. What kind of a dark side it is. ,"oh why do I miss her " "why do I yearn to call her, hug her, kiss her " " why my heart feels for her" " she is not that bad... All she needs is love and attention like a small child who goes mad when he does not get what he wants." "I miss her so much. The times we spent together. Shopping, eating out, spending money carelessly... Oh... How I wish I could bring back the old times... For this world is so mechanic and cruel that there so few people who care to Live who dare to Live. " 

"It has been so fast and swift. I didn't realise I have changed. A crimson mark on my forehead changed my destiny." Long ago, not much though, I knew a birdie. A small red eyed with creamy pink soft feathers. Two of them lived in a cage. After they grew up that red eyed birdie flew away, left the cage behind and flew away. The second birdie together with others cursed her, announced her doomed. But nobody heard anything about the red eyed birdie.  After a long time of this incident,  the bird who was left behind realised it was not she who left her folks  but herself doomed who was left behind the cage. S.J. Looked at the vast dark sky and sighed, "Freedom comes with a price."

I am going through a severe identity crisis. I don't know what is identity crisis but I think it is what I am facing. Though it may not be a big issue what girls go through after marriage but It Is. Let me ask a few questions in general. >:) what if one day when you wake up you find everything has changed from your parents to home to lifestyle. Everything. >:) The food preferences has been changed. How would you react when you crave day in day out to eat your favourite breakfast and lunch?? >:) And moreover, what if wearing clothes get changed to Dressing Code and Conduct. I am tired of living a life according to other's guidelines. I am really tired. You know something inside you begins to die and they say you have grown old Now coming to the point,  Identity Crisis.  I am struggling to maintain my old lifestyle together with the new one. I am trying hard not to forget what I had been, what was my favourite food,  favourite time pass, what I was enthusi...

Christmas had always been very special to me. I don't know why. I always want to celebrate it grandly. If I had My money in My account, I would have spent much of it in picking up the gifts for everyone I love. Even as a Hindu, Christmas is  special to me because on this day, and from this day to the first day of New year, you can sit down, slow the pace, relax a bit, look back at the trail of Big year, do a bit self-analysis. You can also, plan n prepare for the new year, take resolutions, make some promises and care to share happiness around. Well I guess, the first promise which I am going to make right now is - to be like a child and never miss to celebrate the Christmas . Love the life !!! :)

I don't know what... . mising somthing badly

It was a strange morning. In fact a strange day. It started all mysterious , a kind of you can call an omen. But through out the day she fought with her mental miseries, spiritual... loop-holes , if I can call that, and if you can still understand the gravity of it. "I wish I had been earning." S.J. kept muttering it all evening. And at the end a tiny-soft echo was heard in the sky , " Are you not earning? Earning enough of values - patience, tolerance, acceptance !!! what not ! They are priceless. And so what you have earned is also Priceless. No one can take it away from you. It will neither destroy nor change. It will only grow and grow more with each moment. " "Enough of that ! I don't want it. I am a simple human being." S.J. cried out. "Oh really ! I thought you will never forget who you are. A sweet angel. A true warrior princess and..." "Stop it please. You know its the most important period in life. I want everything perfec...

I WISH I could listen to what you had to say.

Its been almost two years since I am struggling with the question - what I want to do. Its not that I don't know what my interests are, but I have no idea what to do with them. (?) Today was another shock at career front. Faced another big failure when I missed the opportunity for Phd. Actually it was my mistake. Mistake of Ignorance. But I can't help it. Unconsciously I wanted to miss it. Gggrrrhhh... I seriously dunnoo... whether I will be a Big Mess, Big Loser, or a Seagull who learns the secrets of high Flight. Just watch me out !

S.J. woke up early today. While waiting for the Sun to rise, she looked into her heart. Is it like yesterday inside there? Is she restless? depressed? sad? Is there any black out? No. The light was peeping in through all the little holes she had made by "enlightening thoughts". The thoughts and ideas of Great Masters who lived or still living on this earth. Messihas eh? A smile appeared at the corner of her lips, she said to herself, " The great teachers of our world, are they any different from us? Like, eight legs and twelve hands? Or with super powers which can create many universes? Were they always like how they appear now? ... "  S.J. knew the answers to all her questions, she said, " No. They are no different than us. It is just that, they listened the voice of their hearts more often and more clearly than us. That they were also broken and hurt and lived in the middle of chaos, disturbed mind and perturbed soul but they never wavered from their faith ...

dreams...dreams....dreams... I am talking about those which you see with close eyes, which show you the other world, takes you into your unconscious and reveal to you the secrets hidden deep in your soul. I am a dreamer. Both with open and close eyes. I can't stop dreaming and dreams can't help coming to me. Since childhood , I had been watching strange smoky dreams. The silly thing is , I still remember most of them, as if they have become a part of my reality, a part of my own being. I don't know whether they shaped me or I created them but they seem to me as real as real incidents can be. After my last night dream, (early morning dream) it occurred to me to write a series on my dreams. To pen down, every detail and their probable meanings.  I like to interpret dreams. I might not be able to write them in their proper order, but anyway, they will help a lot to reveal what my unconscious is like - oh, don't mind if its too dirty or dark , I bet, yours is neither b...