Just b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

It is about those days when I was posting so madly - 5-6 posts each day. Almost blabbering , as if , its not a blog , its my closest friend. So it is, but... that's Insanity. Then I prayed fervently, that I would stop writing so frequently, letting my each thought out and having them laugh at me or probably worry about my sanity or rather feeling a thin sympathy, which I would have hated most. I wished it so strongly that a time came when I got some control over me. Yes, I had to put some control, feeding my mind with movies and other stuff but... I did not write for a week, then ten days went by and I felt so happy.  Today I am unhappy. I want to write - having so many thoughts running in my mind - having so much to share , to tell , to ask - but I am Helpless. Feeling something like - Paralyzed.  Its a tragedy I am being used to now. But I wish , Now, that one day someone would come and things would change.... I have experienced that Change once in my...

Memoirs of a Geisha ( Arthur Golden) “Sometimes," he sighed, "I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see. ”  “Waiting patiently doesn't suit you. I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape and flows around things, and finds the secret paths no one else has thought about. [Mameha]”  “Those of us with water in our personalities don't pick where we'll flow to. All we can do is flow where the landscape of our lives carries us”  “We can never flee the misery that is within us.”  “An en is a karmic bond lasting a lifetime. Nowadays many people seem to believe their lives are entirely a matter of choice; but in my day we viewed ourselves as pieces of clay that forever show the fingerprints of everyone who has touched them.”  “How many times already had I encountered the painful lesson that although we may wish for the barb to be pulled from our flesh, it leaves a welt that ...

I want Surety. ( And one can not give it to oneself. )

J :  Knock Knock who's there? A man : A ray of Hope. J :  Will you be there till end? A man : I can't say, really, may be yes... but not too close.

It is offensive To tell someone That you are lonely. It is almost like telling, 'You have cancer', Or If one is too lonely It would hurt more to hear it. It would almost hurt like hearing 'You are a whore, oh you pimp.' I don't know - - - but it seems so It would hurt more... More, like - the Embarrassment, on being asked by a beautiful girl,  whom you desired just a moment ago 'you are not working? Oh ! ' Or like-  the Pain of  'an old girl, old enough to get married', When a contriver is always,  Whispering in her mother's ears, "Did it get fix somewhere?" It is offensive. You intrude in their lonely life and get out so casually as if it was some Museum Hallway. And they - being so polite, do not forget to wish you,  'Have a Good day, sir.' P.S. - I can't help being poetic these days. It seems, it is the only friend I can speak to. No I am not lonely. But...

Tuesday , 5 am

And there she sat A mouth-full-of-sorrow, hung low; At twilight a flower knows, not she? It is the time to fall gracefully? There she sat, Under the fluorescent light of blue In her decent clothes With an old tabloid in her hands She flipped the pages and fixed her eyes at the most trifling story And when someone asked, 'How are you?' 'I am happy' , She replied, Looking away, Blurring all the meaning between.

What would it matter to you if I cease to exist or say if I disappear someday? You would just look away with dry eyes and say to yourself, ' she was a nice girl , perhaps, I don't judge her but she was nice to me.'

She is a girl ' in love with her own ruin. ' I am afraid again. My worst fears are coming true.

Sometimes you can sound Sinister. There lies the whole fun.

Oh. Its so disturbing to realize how  subtlety your blogs are the mirror of your life. I have five of them. I often create one and attempt to go on but fail, and fail terribly. I delete it. There is only one where I can go and cry if I have to. To whom I can tell my inner most dilemma and fears. But it has no constant reader. People come and stop by as if charmed by its snowy tops and deathlike beauty but they are afraid , perhaps, to stay for long, they pass by, perhaps adoring or just shrugging off. People who stop by are mostly of forgetful nature but the blog is not forgetful, not so much, it contains their aroma in little boxes. And the other blogs, well, they don't matter much, they are overlooked often. But it would be pain to delete them. They are there and the blogger is grateful for it, for they satisfy some urge of her, something of her Being. For her main blog, once in the beginning, she began a story , however changing amusingly during the periods, it sympathetica...

There, today she went through few blogs and suddenly it dawned on her : My blog is just like my life, people don't stay here for long.

V - its really hard to understand you. J - Don't... don't say it. It feels like you are mocking me.

Tess - " I didn't understand your meaning till it was too late." Alec - "That's what every woman says." Tess - "... Did it never strike your mind that what every woman says some women may feel?" Alec (laughing) - "Very well... I am sorry to wound you. I did wrong - I admit it...                            Well you are absudly melancholy, Tess. I have no reason for flattering you now, and I can say plainly that you need not be so sad. You can hold your beauty against any woman of these parts gentle or simple; I say it to you as a practical man and well-wisher. If you are wise you will show to the world more than you do before it fades ... "

We were too much in love And that love did not suffice... 

And now that it is gone, I am too tired to think of it. Was it love? or the Passion? Or as you called it, lust? Memories are but the dust. That was the boredom, perhaps, And we at the need of a fancy... But now that it is gone And I am too tired to think of it And you too, not alone...

I might have lost much in the way Yet I have the guts to walk till end. source - vi.sualize.us

For a change I want to be myself. For a change I want to erase the present and go back in past where I was alone and my journey with others hadn't begun yet. For a change I want to act insane. don't want to think, what they would think. I want to be stubborn. I want to believe in impossible. I want to have silly dreams and talk about all which doesn't exist. For a change I don't want to be afraid to make friends. I don't want to think twice before I speak or resist to do what I feel. For a change - I don't want to be afraid.