Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dear Life!

Always Be Positive.
Its terribly tiresome.
I want to think other way round.
I want to cry out loud -  
Fuck you life !
You have given me rags
When I was dying of cold
You have given me leftover
When I was dying of hunger
You have given me sweat 
When I could bear no more
Fuck you life!
You have nothing worth 
except sleep
except life of dreams...
except the smile on which sadness hangs...
I would say I hate you 
But no... 
You are worst a mistress
You are worst than a pimp
You are worst than menstrual 
You are worst than worst disease. 
But I will fight 
I wont die 
Until I have fucked you.
Until I have showed you 
Show you that I am something
Beyond my sex can describe
Beyond my religion 
And my acts can describe...
I will show you , damn 
What I am!
And I will show you 
What can I make out of you...

Just Watch it!
Dear Life!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Vo vo vooo.... all set to goo....

So... one more year is over ... seems time is running ... and still something has stuck up ... well we can dig it later... and that's what for New Year comes , isn't it? ;)

So a Recap ? Itna toh Banta hai Boss ;)

So well...umm ahem ahem..lets Do it this way -

ACHIEVEMENTS  OF THE YEAR -

- I joined an NGO , and took training in Comics Workshop. I believe I learnt a good art this year. It added a feather to my cap.

- I organised a Comics Workshop at my hometown. And it was really a success , an unexpected success.

- And guess what , my parents are known by my name because of that workshop. That's something to take pride in. I am happy because I fulfilled my dream. :)

- And finally , I got an honorary prize for umm... "upcoming writer" in hindi by a magazine. I believe you are not laughing while reading this. Well... I respect the prize , the aim of it was to motivate. err...Umm.. lets come to the next thing.

SMILEY MOMENTS OF THE YEAR -

awww..... can't think of any :((

FRIENDS  -

- I made new friends , right from the beginning of the year , in fact i remember , i made new friends at the end of last year ... things became .. salty in the beginning... but i never stop ... people come and go... i made new friends and although i might not be talking to all of them .. but I miss them.

- I regret , i lost one friend this year , because of misunderstandings. I wish what I said , is not true.

- I regret , again , I have to lose one friend , so that I can have no bad memories and save what i have treasured.

- I have had this year a sweetest relationship with a friend (Soul Poet) and I hope it goes on like this. TOUCHWOOD :)

-I met and get to know wonderful people. I wish I get to know more of wonderful people next year too.

THE BEST THING OF THE YEAR -

I enjoyed the most beautiful time of my life with my sister this year , as she is staying with me on PG. I hope it goes on and on and on like this forevaa... :)

THE WORST THING OF THE YEAR -

well that is ...its ENDING... :(

SOMETHING GOOD -

We got fixed our audio drive and so could enjoy many movies... just saw two movies - Shall we dance and King Arthur.... aww... Want some More Good movies for next year...

SOMETHING BAD -

I had this NET paper which was on 26th ... and it was soww...BAD.. :( I hope for a miracle... and if i pass in this exam - a BIG TREAT for all of yee...

SOMETHING WoW -

I met my seniors ... well they are so pretty and lovely ... and I was so happy to meet them. :)

A DREAM CAME TRUE  -

Though it was one of those small pretty dreams ( which can really come true) - I made for Literary Fest... this year... enjoyed as much as i could... loved it.. (almost for no reason) ... now one month to go for Lit Fest.

GOOD REMEMBRANCE -

 I gotta a chance this year to be a student of a wonderful teacher. I will remember him all my life. he is one of the few teachers I loved.

FAIRS FIESTA  -

This year was full of gala festivals and fairs... we enjoyed all of them , but i loved one of them specially , Fairhex Fair. I m eagerly waiting for it in next year.

 Eee... the list seems neva gonna end...
But I wanna add one more thing to it .... and this only is a sum up -

I Found and Lost this year
I Hope the sequence to be different next year.

Love you all there !
God bless you!
and Live up!!
have a Wonderful New Year .... !!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

...

Tears and plenty tears

Tears and plenty tears
Each time you left me in...
What the dirt I deserve
Or always Tears...
Each time you left me in...
I have nothing left
Only fret and fears
Each time you left me in...
You said that I am your part
Your fake swears 
Each time you left me in...
Each time you left...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

These days ...

Everyone realizes the difference between the Time we Pass and the Time we Live. 
I am living it these days. :)

I never discovered / felt so much joy one can feel in company of one's sibling. Bless my Sister. :)

I never realized when I have become so much..... Quiet. I am loving it. 

I am very happy that I successively left FB (addiction of so many people) .

I have stopped thinking and began feeling. ( According to Osho , most imp thing to live happily)

I have learnt to respect what I have and don't bother about what I don't have. ( especially in person's case. )

These days .. somewhat I m unhappy also (greatly embarrassed) I wish I could share it with someone. :( But its okay. It will fade away in the fog of time.

And yeah...few funny things about 'these days in my life' are - 

I dance while crossing the road... move .. wait .. back ... ahh... I wont die in accident ;)

I talk to me loudly while walking... its fun really 

I do what I really wanna do.. eat ... and smile... This is what life is for me.. it was always... I just need more anonymity ... more confidence... and bindaaas friends with lots of fun... 

I hope my dreams are not that Bigggg.... :)

love!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

garden bench

Through the little incidents
I realized this slowly
I was like a garden bench
For those lonely...



Monday, December 6, 2010

Astro....

Wonder why I am lingering in the passages of astrology and numerology... do I have (still have) some inquisitiveness? Well anyway...here is my lifepath number... may be you will be interested in yours so here is the link -

Your lifepath number is 9

Lifepath number 9The Life Path 9 suggests that you entered this plane with a lot of dramatic feelings together with a strong sense of kindness and bigheartedness. The key the nature of an individual with 9 as a life path number is found in their compassionate approach to life. Even the very average of those with life path 9 have extremely compassionate ways. 

Most of the time this number has people that are very dependable, upright and unlikely to convey any sort of prejudices. Clearly this is a lot on your plate, however you are the type of individual who will help those who are less fortunate than you if you are in the position to do so. When it comes to responsibilities to the human race, the 9 life path number is the highest single digit number to hold this position. When it comes to materialistic ways of life you are not the one to embrace them however the excellence of your personality renders material rewards. 

This life path number is not the one looking to get rich due to the fact that they are extremely generous, at times to a fault an most of the time your attitude towards money is an easy come easy go type of demeanor. The exceptional 9 life path has a completely unselfish personality, having no problem sacrificing material possessions for the general good. Your presence is very powerful and you have the tendency to make friends very quickly and easily; people are fascinated by your alluring, striking and open personality. 

The term “hail-fellow” may perhaps been made to illustrate a 9 Life path, since you may certainly be one of those individuals that is cheerful, extremely friendly and pleasant. You have no problem meeting people and being befriended by them quickly and easily due the nature of your personality. Due to the fact that you are very pleasant and warm you may often find yourself in the lead of whatever field or endeavor you take on. 

When it comes to love and relationships you tend to have a hard time due to the fact that you cannot seem to find a balance in life that will work out. If you can find a partner that is willing to share the same charitable attitude as you then you will have a happy, lasting relationship. 

However if the partner you choose is more of a materialistic soul then there will be problems throughout the relationship. You have the tendency to be very sensitive, since you view the world with lots of feelings and compassion. The extremely profound understanding of life according to a 9 is sometimes shown in the artistic and literary fields such as drama, acting or writing which have the likelihood of producing success, as well as emotional expression through painting, music and other forma of artistic expression. 

The purpose of life to this particular path number is most likely that of a theoretical nature. Most of the time judges, religious leaders, healers and educators all possess the 9 energy. It is rare that the businees aspect of life is present in the 9 life path and could pose as a struggle. 

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side. Due to the demanding nature of the really positive 9, many have the tendency to fail in this group. It is not unusual for persons with the 9 life path to battle the realities and challenges of principles imposed here since self-sacrifice is not an easy trait. 
You may have trouble believing that giving and a lack of individual dreams can be satisfying. It must be recognized and accepted that little long-term contentment and pleasure is to be gained by rejecting the natural compassionate inclinations of this path. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

memories ...

I wanna talk to you. Thanks. Actually I was feeling alone. No I am literally alone here. Its Saturday. I never Like it.  I will wash my hairs on sunday . Yeah that means tomorrow. Saturday is a bad day. Oh. No. Nothing is bad. I will tell you one thing. First Let me wear my Summer frock. I feel good. I ate those balls of spicy water. I felt good. And Shopping. Oh. Would love to do that. But I said I was feeling lonely. He wont come today. No I will sleep when he will come. He will come soon. I want daffodils. Have you ever seen a beautiful city in Spring. I want to visit Rome. Its a beautiful place to visit. And I want to go to New Zealand. I am sure I will be welcomed at their home. I am loved by all you see. They love me. I was called an angel when i was your age . Yeah yeah you are my angel now. You are a pretty girl. You will grow up beautiful as your mama. I love your mama. She was a good friend. She would read to me Bible daily. No I read Gita also. I wish to go church someday. That same one which I saw in those images. And the place was really beautiful which I saw in my dreams. oh its sad you get ghostly dreams. You should wash your feet before you jump on the bed my girl. Yeah I do that daily . And then I say my prayers. Will you bring that rose my dear? It reminds me of...oh no..dear I dont have no boyfriends at all... though I had when I was little more than your age. ha those were bad days but now its nothing to me. No memories dear. No memories. Memories are just old things to which garbage is a real home. But I have memories. Always afresh and new. Memories of those roses which never bloomed. And those passages never built. And those ocean never formed. And those people I never met...

a lil freaky

(knock..knock)
(door opens)
Guy - hey ! ...
Girl - aa....
aa.. do u wanna come inside?
a...umm...
come on ... (feels lucky , slightly smiles)
(she comes in hesitatingly)
(now he looks at her .. looks into her eyes ... and she looks at him first then down ...))
aa... jim..
yeah ! (he becomes more conscious of the fact that she has Something to say ... something which he (is/was/will be) waiting to hear ... only a sentence ... "Jim I want to spend a night with you".... he was lost in thoughts ...)
Jim can I spend...
yeah...aa..  i mean what...
I mean...
umm....
Jim ... see.... Can I be with you for sometime...i mean can you give me company ?
a... sure...sure...
Just a lil time ... till I get some sleep...
Oh... yeah... sure... (huh!) .. (politely) Come sit... would you like anything particular to watch?
umm No... anything you are watching...
Okay... (National Geography) ...
(Both yawns ... looks at each other ... exchange short smiles...)
Nice channel , isn't it?
Oh.. yeah sure... (she tries to say something) aa...well...Jim
yeah... (shows no interest now...)
I was feeling lonely....
Ohhh... really ! (who the damn doesn't feel lonely here but who cares)
Yeah... my mate has gone to her home.. and ... you see... I don't have any friends here...
hmm... so....
so... I came here ... I hope I am not bugging you...
No no no.... its all fine... you wanna watch anythng else?
umm... may be some movie?
Oh yeah... (changes channels...and on every channel porn is coming...as its 1 am )
(both are in an embarrassing situation) (he switches to Discovery Channel)
a..I would have coffee now... would you like some?
 umm Sure thanks...(forces a smile)
(he goes in the kitchen .. sighs..!!! )
(Here she feels some relief...)
After having coffee... girl makes an excuse that she is feeling sleepy now.. thank the guy for company... and goes back to her room. Opens the door. Sighs. Sits down. Switch on the net. Writes down the whole incident in her blog named Just Believe . :)

Jeanie : after an Intermission!

.... What are you thinking?
aa...naathing...
umm... oh here are four diverse ways... which one you would take?
....
helloo... I m talking to you Ms.. hey.. what's ur name?
jen....
wat? Pardon?
Its Jeanie ... you can call me Jeanie .. okay?
Oh.. jeanie... nice...  so Ms. Jeanie... where are you going?
I dont know.
What? Sorry!
I said I dont know where  i am going but you can go your way ...okay.
ahh... certainly madam I will go my way. huh! (walking ahead slowly)
(Jeanie to herself but a little aloud) where does this road go... where do you want to go .... i dont know... then you may take any road...
(guy puzzled) hey.... are you crazy?
You mind your own business.... okay.
No its not okay...
What do you want from me?
Lets play a game?
,,,, what?
I am going this way and you go just opposite way... and at one point we will look back for 1 min... If we both look back at the same time we will come back and accompany each other ... or if not then we will go two different ways... let destiny speak for us ... (a broad smile )
hmm... sure... (jeanie smiles for the first time)
(guy looks enchanted at her)
(she quickly turns back and walks fast)

.... a little far
and Jeanie doesn't look back ever.

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