Wednesday, September 11, 2013

S.J. ~ Meditating Messihah

S.J. woke up early today. While waiting for the Sun to rise, she looked into her heart. Is it like yesterday inside there? Is she restless? depressed? sad? Is there any black out? No. The light was peeping in through all the little holes she had made by "enlightening thoughts". The thoughts and ideas of Great Masters who lived or still living on this earth. Messihas eh? A smile appeared at the corner of her lips, she said to herself, " The great teachers of our world, are they any different from us? Like, eight legs and twelve hands? Or with super powers which can create many universes? Were they always like how they appear now? ... "

 S.J. knew the answers to all her questions, she said, " No. They are no different than us. It is just that, they listened the voice of their hearts more often and more clearly than us. That they were also broken and hurt and lived in the middle of chaos, disturbed mind and perturbed soul but they never wavered from their faith and beliefs ."

" There is no world outside your mind. The world you live in, is inside there. And when you change the World Inside : the World Outside is itself changed. Your true guide can no one be but yourself. Like, the great masters, who found the Truth and a Way of Living, fought with Inner Darkness and became a teacher of themselves, you can also do it, you have to do it, because there is no other way to reach to the Light. You have to be your own Guide, your own Messihah."

Saturday, September 7, 2013

unknown ; unconscious

dreams...dreams....dreams... I am talking about those which you see with close eyes, which show you the other world, takes you into your unconscious and reveal to you the secrets hidden deep in your soul.

I am a dreamer. Both with open and close eyes. I can't stop dreaming and dreams can't help coming to me. Since childhood , I had been watching strange smoky dreams. The silly thing is , I still remember most of them, as if they have become a part of my reality, a part of my own being. I don't know whether they shaped me or I created them but they seem to me as real as real incidents can be.

After my last night dream, (early morning dream) it occurred to me to write a series on my dreams. To pen down, every detail and their probable meanings.  I like to interpret dreams. I might not be able to write them in their proper order, but anyway, they will help a lot to reveal what my unconscious is like - oh, don't mind if its too dirty or dark , I bet, yours is neither better. And to be honest, I am just f...... trying to be honest and gutsy.

So here is what I saw today early morning in my dream.

I saw him, he was there, it was some lady's house, I have forgotten most details, but every dream is focused on one prominent feeling, mood or idea. So the idea here was - I was going to get married to this guy. Now there is nothing strange if a girl sees a dream of getting married when she is really going to tie the knot soon. But I have an issue over here. This guy is an old friend, you know what I mean, once, long back, this guy had told me, I will marry you, and if you try to marry someone else, I will take you away from your Mandap.

Everyone told me , that this guy loved me madly. He says, he still does. And I get this dream often that I am getting married to him, though I don't want to in reality. To some extent, this dream scares me. And I don't interpret it or try to probe into its meaning because I am afraid to know my own unconscious urges. I don't know what I am hiding down there.... i really don't know. But I want to stop dreaming this.


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via-vi.sualize.us

Friday, September 6, 2013

JLT

" Don't you feel like Puking sometimes? Spitting out everything you had kept chewing till now. Things you haven't told anyone because you found them too silly or unimportant or temporary? Things you fear to speak out only because it might spoil other's mood? Things you don't speak because you like to escape feelings? You like to keep them to yourself, buried deep down? Because you think you don't fit anywhere? Because you are embarrassed to say you are lonely? Because you are a liar ? Because you are a coward that you cant utter the truth ? Don't you think, things would have been better, if everyone could speak truth about how they feel and everyone could forgive each other for it. "

S.J. - Nightmare

"It is always the Nightmare, after a Happy Dream, isn't it mom?"
"No, nothing is always alike. It depends on you."
"Then why I always choose that?"
"Because you are an unhappy child, (like your  mother.)"

S.J. - its lonely out there, and inside too...

After that terrible feeling had subsided, and S.J. had become as comfortable as she could speak to herself about it, and she spoke these words , “I want to tell you something. Today I experienced it again, although for a fraction of second but I did it and I got to know why it happened to me in my childhood. It happened because I was terribly lonely. And it happened today because … I was lonely. I hear voices when I am lonely. They tell me they are lonely too. They tell me they want to talk to me. I know it is fake, it is made-up in my mind but I still believe it, I believe they exist and talk to me, because I am lonely, and I want to hear them myself. I can’t tell you, how lonely I have been in my life. And you can never know how lonely it is to stay alone inside four walls for a long long time… or probably you know that too… but you don’t know what it has done to me, what all it has taken from me … and that… you will only know after I am gone for the good.” 


[ There was a time when she would call up her friends and tell them every little detail of how her day passed, and how she could not sleep in the night because she didn’t feel alright. Even at that time, she hated her habit of speaking out everything. But she couldn’t help. All she did was, to dream, to visualize about a time when she will stop letting out her heart’s secrets, her deepest feelings. She dreamed about a time when no one would come to know what actually she feels. She will be there in body, but float away in spirit, she will learn the art of transcending the world for few moments and then she would come back , again adjusting to her life. She will never  (wont able to) speak,  how she feels. 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

S.J. - Appreciating Life

"I love the strange nights." Those were the first words of S.J. in the morning. Sheena said sleepily, " I know... you love them...even those that scares me to death." "Yeah... I just love anything that breaks the chain of sameness." Saying this S.J. went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea, yes, that's how she celebrates every good thing in her life or thought in her mind, by drinking tea. While the pan was on the stove, S.J. uttered the Morning Glory Words loudly, " I am great, greater than this world, greater than this Life, I am something Divine, Pure, Beautiful... though last night I was a bit stupid, but that's okay, I allow myself to be stupid sometimes, ohh...life would be so boring without stupidity you see...(here, S.J. winked wickedly) oh..how  hot I look with open hairs... I am going to look hot today. And... Yes... I want to tell you something this morning. Don't let it grow inside you. You are a sweetheart. When ever you are hurt, Dance. When ever you want to cry, Sing a sweet song. When you feel like dying, give your time and smile to someone who wants to live but has lost his heart to go on. But never, never for a moment, stop Appreciating life."  ... " Alright. Its over. Now I want to drink my tea." (Winked Again) ;)
applesparklies: life is wonderful by bios

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