Monday, September 26, 2011

My Story





Hello Mr. Roy , Hope you had a pleasant journey?

Oh yes it was good. The weather was fine.  Both Dr Mathur and Dr Roy shook hands. Dr. Mathur who was in hurry tried to cut short the formalities and said with good humor, “ Well we have arranged one cottage for you. Please make yourself comfortable. I will join you for lunch and meanwhile if you need anything tell Raju he will take care of everything. “

Both shook hands again. And Dr. Mathur sped out of the room.

Doctor Roy while taking a hot bath in his cottage looked out at the green fields. They seemed to him extremely quiet as if not a leaf turned over in many years. The valley seemed to him like a beautiful cold dead bride. Everything had come to a standstill.

In the afternoon over lunch Dr Mathur told Dr Rao about the mental hospital and some special cases. Doctor Rao was a psychiatrist practicing in Noida and he had agreed with the Hospital authorities in Almora to observe the general scenario and see some special cases. After observing every nook and cranny of the hospital,  at supper he asked Dr Mathur if he can look at the personal stuff of patients. Dr Mathur, who was a man who doesn’t mind anything at anytime, promised Dr Rao to show him stuff with brief detail about every curious thing.

At night, Dr Roy walked under the dark sky with little lamps shining over him. He had never in his life seen so many stars twinkling. It seemed to him that a long time has passed since he had seen the sky at night. He felt so peaceful. Suddenly his wife’s face came before his eyes. Oh how much loves her. All the days from his courtship period seemed to float before his eyes. Since he became the doctor his all dreams have come true. He has got his true love , a home and a wonderful family. He felt blessed and suddenly in a moment of spiritual frenzy he knelt down , looked up at the sky and silently thanked God for everything he gave him. With a tear in his eye he seized his phone passionately and called up his wife , who was taken aback to see his call because he didn’t realize in his moment of frenzy that it was almost midnight hour when he called up his wife who was sleeping peacefully in her bed.

In the morning Dr. Mathur was showed him personal possessions of patients which Dr Rao carefully inspected.  He picked up a guitar and was amused by the fact that a patient says he was a great guitarist in his last birth, under the guitar there was a diary , somehow it attracted him greatly. As he flipped the initial pages , Dr. Mathur looked at him gravely, Dr. Rao asked him, “whose diary it is?” ,  “a girl’s… who is very strange.” “Why? What is the matter with her?” , “Well… she does not seem like a lunatic. Not at all. But when we told her that she is not insane and she can go she did strange things to prove that she is not mentally well. We had to keep her here. . I never understood why but every month  she spends a week at a special house situated some ten miles away from here.” , “hmm… .”

After a tedious day, at night Dr. Rao kept looking at the stars but somehow his thoughts turned to the girl who claimed to be lunatic. Why would someone do so? To run away from reality? Or she had no one to go to? What if she needed some help? Lost in thoughts, Dr. Rao suddenly remembered he had her diary. He went in , switched on the night lamp and began to read from first page.
The world is pretty but unbearable. Let me then retire into the silence and never wake up from it. …

My world? Whatever the world whoever it is , its growing smaller day by day, growing dark like a Black moon. It does shine but bleakly and it does blow up tides into my heart… my heart is an ocean but I am... I am very thirsty…

Life has taught me one thing and it is … the courage to speak the truth… But it is very strange life has taught me something it’s contrary too… it has taught me to alter the reality… it is an astute trick to survive which your confrontation with truth wouldn’t let you do…

I will write my story and if one man reads it and prays for my soul, I shall pray for his when I am dead.

Something touched Dr. Rao and he shut the diary quickly. He tried to sleep but it won’t come to him easily. He could have intuition that a storm was awaiting him. A storm which could either wipe his guilt away or wash his own existence from earth. Not the name but a face – a blurred face appeared when he closed his eyes …a voice tried to reach his ears… something he could feel in the air… a call… perhaps it was a call… when he woke up in the morning , he found a car was waiting outside his cottage. The driver told him that Dr Mathur has sent the car to visit the patients of special house. So he was to meet that girl? He couldn’t imagine further. He got ready fast. Didn’t eat his breakfast and hurried into the car.
On his way, he noticed tall deodar trees but even the exotic drive couldn’t pacify his agitated soul. He asked for the girl as soon as he stepped out of the car. The manager showed him the way to her room. He went alone holding the diary in his coat’s pocket.

The door was opened. As Dr Roy stepped into the room it welcomed him with a lovely fragrant. A figure stood at the window looking outside. He stood at the door in silence but he was taken aback hearing, “Hello doctor! I know you would find your way to me.”  Dr Rao hesitated for a moment and then asked “May I know your name please.” The face turned towards him. It was not a very handsome face but certain lines on it were so appealing. Curving her lips a little the lady said, “Oh I thought you came because you knew me. Well then let us play with your memory a little,”. The mysterious smile played n her lips. Astounded and troubled Dr. Rao sat on a chair offered by the host. She looked confidently into his eyes and chatted about the weather , the hospital and authority as if she is not the patient but a doctor here. After some moments she asked him where is his sister now a days? And how is his wife? And how are his children? Baffled by the questions he desperately asked her to tell her identity. She again smiled mysteriously. “Did you happen to come across a writer in your life?” I have come across many writers and in fact most of them are my patients. They both laughed at his joke but lady suddenly became grave. She stood up went to a wooden wardrobe and took out a file. She gave the file to the doctor and said, “I know you have come here because you have read my diary. Now read this doctor I shall meet you later sometime.” She went out without even saying goodbye. The doctor thought it was all a dream. And the rest of the day was in fact like a dream. The lady disappeared from the hospital without taking any of her things. Everything seemed so esoteric.

For some unknown reasons Dr. Rao avoided to read the contents of file. But at some hour after mid night Dr Rao felt a sudden curiosity so he opened the file and there he found many loose papers on which as he assumed some poems were scribbled. For some time he randomly read the lines and looked at every paper. Amidst the poems there was a paper on which some prose was written. He thought it would be a piece of fiction. But the title said : My story. He curiously and hurriedly began to read.

My Story

I had seen ghosts, heard mysterious voices, I had cut my wrist nerve, I had thought of suicide several times, I had visited my own grave in my visions and felt someone is watching me every moment. I was not mad but I was becoming one in my childhood. And then one day I discovered a reason for things that were happening with me. I found the bits of my story. How I looked in my past birth, how I met him and then… I don’t know what happened. I wanted to find the story. I decided I would go to abroad to find the places I had seen in my vision. And I knew , because no one would believe me , I will go alone. But things changed. The story gradually faded away. And then one day he came into my life. He was aspiring to be a psychiatrist. Somewhere deep in my heart I thought our destinies were inter-connected. And I felt that at least he will take my feelings seriously if I tell him about my visions. But things ended badly and one day suddenly I disappeared from everyone’s life. Everything happened the way I had imagined. And I just wanted to let them know that I was not wrong. That my visions were not wrong. That I ended up in an asylum. That… I was an angel and I still feel like an angel but the world was never meant for me I had to die in order to live someone was waiting for me up there I have already paid off for my past birth’s sins and now I want to live like a wandering soul wishing to die happily in the arms of mother nature. I am happy and even ecstatic. And oh how much I am sorry … I could never convince my family and friends how much I needed to live like this. I hope you understand.

God bless you doctor and your family too.

He read all of this in a breath and now reading the last line he felt a cold shiver in his body. He closed his eyes tightly and read the last lines.

Please, if you can do me a favor , send my belongings to my sister or brother and ask them to forgive me for I never wished them ill. May God bless them and their families!

With a cold and deep sigh , doctor shut the file and looked out at the moon from his window. The divine moon light soothed his heart and its first impulse of brining Eva back because wherever she was she is following her heart and she is not unhappy. She is following something she believes in. All different emotions agitated Dr. Rao. He paced up and down in his room. He thought of calling his wife and then thought of Eva…it was much because of her he could find his true love. He wished so fervently now that at least she meets him once more so that he could thank her for her incredible friendship. He wished to kiss her soft palms and place his head on her lap… she was right he was an idiotic simple little boy… if he could have understood what was boiling up in her soul he could have … no it was her destiny he could not have saved her from anything…it was her lot… oh Eva… He felt so blissful as the moonbeams touched his face. Sunrays tickled his cheeks where the moon had kissed him at night. The morning was so refreshing. As if the night had washed his past and he had become a different man. He felt so optimistic so full of love and so full of life. Looking at the sun, he prayed for Eva.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Are you a Foodie? Yes? Can't miss Zomato then :)


What a coincidence! The week had begun with the movie Julie and Julia based on the life of a Cook and a blogger and on weekend I am ended up blogging about food. Ah … Yes I had fancied of turning into a cook or even a foodie after watching that splendid movie but alas! I am a disaster at both cooking and eating. But anyway I love to play a host for friends and accompany my sister to exotic restaurants though it is hard to find a good restaurant without some help so it is what I was going to talk about – a mode as exotic as the final destination.  Here I landed on a website – http://www.zomato.com/ , which introduces you to the astounding places for grabbing food. But wait a minute! Before the website introduces you to such places let me introduce you to this website. 
                                                     

Even a wandering leaf has to tell a story so the story of Zomato is worth reading. It was a brainchild of an IITian Mr. Dipender Goyal who worked for Bain and Company. Then Mr. Pankaj Chaddah who worked at the same company took to himself to market it properly. And since then they have grown into a posse of twenty dreamers. Isn’t it really wonderful to work for your dream and see it turning into a reality. To date they have been appreciated and covered by several Print and Television Media.  

When you land on to Zomato you find a very foody ambience. The best thing about this website is you get what you want. And Zomato makes sure that you get the best. You can look up at the Restaurants in your city and your area packed with all details. I liked most the feature of Menu cards which really help you to save time in restaurant deciding what you want to eat (no its not funny we gals take almost as much time in deciding what to eat as time spent on eating the food :P ).Menu cards , estimated price and reviews help you to compare the restaurants and find the best one that suits your requirements. The feature of Rating is a shortcut way to judge a restaurant again it saves your time. So much is available at one place what else a foodie may want! My Gosh if only my sister knew about this website when I was still in Jaipur she could have made me run everyday into a new restaurant.  :D

The Zomato blog and newsletter Crunch give you bites of Zomato news and more about food, recipes and restaurant. The foodies who have a flair for writing can also write reviews of restaurants and be published on a national web portal.

Since the website is growing popular among youngsters, I would like to suggest founders to introduce a section dedicated to Tiffin Services for their demand is inevitably growing these days and one has only but few means to find the best in one’s area. So you can list them area wise like you have done the restaurants. You can also register the Farm Houses because I believe people want to try out something new these days and one can still know about the restaurants online but the proper listing of the Farm Houses and alike places are barely found online.  And well how about the makeover of Blog? You can add posts concerning Movies and Books on Food and Restaurant. Even documentaries would be great for those who love to record the history of everything. You can ask readers for recipes. You can also include the stories of Legendary Entrepreneurs in this field for it works as an incentive.  And I believe that the tagline of your website name could be more catchy, effective and artistic something like Food your love or Hunt, Eat and Love or may be Do more about Food. It shouldn’t be more than three or four words. It should be attractive because after the name of the website it is the first thing which a person notices. Well enough suggestions! Its time to bookmark the website and Do more about food Oopz.. :P Geez ! Just cant help sometimes.

Love
@ngel

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

just like that

You should be here (where ever you are) to see how happy I am. I am so glad that I always believed in Goodness. I am so fortunate that I never abandoned the hope for true love. I know I would find you some day around. I know you would be the same as I ever dreamed. The other day I was watching this movie called Julie and Julia and guess what I found I am not dead. Yeah I am much alive. I love eating , love cooking , would love to learn french and I am a blogger. What else one may wish for a happy life? But they both had loving husbands. Will I ever have a loving husband? I believe things will be all right at the end. And its all because of the movies... because of the secret magic...
Waiting for you.
Forever Yours

Monday, September 12, 2011

It would have been easy ...

It would have been so easy to accept the love and let it go. 
After all we never know, and yet think we know all and everything
It would have been easy to smile sadly when you depart
Because one can not stay longer, love is so short lived
Or no , Love is time-less and yet we count days and years
We never want to let go , let go of fears
It would have been easy to think not of future
To be like a traveler , to be ... like a river
It would have been easy to go on and on and on
And never regret. 
It would be easy to accept love and let it go...

Friday, September 2, 2011

The Night Lamp




"I am amazed. You are quite poetic even when you write about cars." I thought Prakash was making my fun but he looked strangely serious. "Yeah?", I asked him to elaborate his point. "Do you write poems ? " , I hesitated a little bit and couldn't come up with any definite answer so he asked again , " Fiction?" , "Umm no... I don't write..." ," WHY?" , He looked genuinely surprised which in turn surprised me. And I blurted out in no time , "Because I dont have any story to write." He smiled and said carefully choosing the words , " Everyone on this earth has a story to tell. I believe you too would be having one. May be not like Cinderella or Alice but something of the sort on which you believe intensely." Before I could take in his words completely he resumed , " Izra I know sometimes the story would not come out easily but when it is hurling up inside you , you feel restless , you turn on the night lamp and then the story itself being to take up its shape." He left me at this point and went out of my cabin. Did I contemplate over his words after he left? No I have learned to shut any storm out once and for all. 
   
It was not more than seven thirty in the evening and I had come out on the road. I looked up at the sky and begin to walk back home. There were nights some years ago when the sky would be more clear and stars plenty, some would shine more than others because they were near us , and the moon would talk silently to the breeze. I would spend lot of time talking to the brightest star and the moon sometimes. But now a days... I don't know what has changed ... perhaps I dont have any story to talk about. Do we need to be very imaginative to make up stories? Or to recite the one which inhibits our heart? Imagination ! perhaps... I didn't know... I have lost too much in last few years. 

It was a cozy night. The darkness is not cold. I love such moments... when you are self-satisfied... no stories ... no memories linger inside your head. Next day I woke up around six in the morning. How the day passed will be such a dull account to tell and I am really not so imaginative as to be evoked by a road-stone , or a rose bud blooming in someone's garden. I do run away from voices these days. Yes... probably ... as I said I have lost too much in last few years. The night comes easily when you are working. Before going to bed , I do check my mails once even when I have no friend. My astrologer makes sure that I don't fall into depression. She keeps throwing mails in my inbox. Ah! people are so thoughtful around me. Its already midnight hour and I am ready to slip into my blanket. The early November is best time for loners. But I am no lonely. I look here and there... everything under the red light of night lamp seems so seducing. I shall sleep. I pray , utter few words , and hurriedly lie down , covering myself with blanket. The sleep doesn't come. I wonder if ,when would sleep come is also written in your destiny , no really anything can happen if you have bouts of insomnia. You can go crazy , fall in love , commit suicide or even murder. Oh I toss and turn... I feel restless... I turned on the night lamp and only after few seconds I remembered what Prakash had said yesterday - that - that if a story is tiding up inside you , you would feel restless - I felt - you would turn on the night lamp - I did - And then the story would itself begin to take its shape - but ... what's the story that's hurling up inside me? As if the key to the answer was hidden in my gaze which was fixed on my diary and pen. I picked them up and opened my diary. I took up a deep sigh and decided  to jot down whatever crossed my mind and I began this way : " The story had began some hundred years ago when I met him who knew my past present and future - all. This was not so much a love story than a dark story of passion and possession." Suddenly my gaze turned to the night lamp , the beautiful lamp bathing in red light was enough to burn the story inside me , I scribbled hurriedly in the diary , "Some dark stories can not be written under the red eyes of night lamp." Made a mark of cross , closed the diary and ... fell into a sound sleep bathing in the red light of night lamp. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Dark Corridor



"I do look good. Dont I? Specially in this frock?"
"Oh yeah that floral print suits you." Kunal smiled with some effort. How could I miss that expression. But was I me at that time? 
"Kunal..." "yeah?" " I want that ice-cream." I showed him a vendor-boy. "You cant eat that you know , your throat isn't well yet." "But I want that I want that I want that." "Okay okay fine.... bhaiyya one kulfi... yeah...thank you...," looking at me with so caring eyes he said , "take this." I took the kulfi but it wasn't as cold as his eyes... why is he so cold with me? why doesn't he laugh as he used to... has anything changed? "Kunal... " , his expressions changed , his eyes contracted , he was prepared for another whim , "yes?" , " I ... I am cold..." "take my jacket" but I wanted you... "yeah thank you". He isn't fine. "Shall we go to home?" , "okay... Bhaiyya... Madho nagar ... kavya go inside..." He is still afraid if I would throw myself out. Is he afraid I am going crazy? Will he... go out of my life? No he wont he loves me he...cares for me... then why...why is he so cold... so...c..o..l.."
Source : Google images

"Kavya ... Kavyaa.... KAVYA please wake up... doctor... she has opened her eyes..." Kunal had my hand in his , clutched tight and I felt a pang somewhere in my consciousness... why am I again awake? Why doesn't I die peacefully? "Oh kavya how are you feeling now...?" " I ... I am fine.. but did I throw myself out?" " No you didn't do anything this time. You had fainted in auto rickshaw. And then I brought you hospital directly." "but...how... I ..." "Relax doctor says that you were distressed and had nervous weakness and that's why you fainted suddenly." "Oh... okay..." I looked into Kunal's eyes... they are afraid as if they have seen a ghost , they are caring too , but... they are still cold... too cold... "Kavya you will be fine soon you just need to take proper rest , lets go to home." I  looked down , looked inside my head , into my eyes, I can look through the ghost , probably the one Kunal saw , I went blank , I turned white -pale and finally blue..."I will stay here for sometime. Please go. Leave... take rest..." I closed my eyes...shut them tightly. That ghost , the ghost of voices had taken its power over me. I jumped down from a tall building. I am there inside the graveyard. In that white frock and with white flowers , laid down in a coffin ... is it this cold dream that has entered into my life? Can the voices be so strong as to gulp you down its giant throat? The voices ! That lavender fragrance ! and... "oh my little princess ! my daughter" "oh mother mother where were you?" "I... I was looking at you from there" and she pointed at the black moon. There is no place for confusions. Mother has put her warm hand on my forehead. Everything will be pleasant. A mother can never lie. And the night , although it was a day , passed so peacefully. 

Can a dream come true instantly? I felt a loving warmth in my palm. I opened my eyes Kunal was rubbing my palms. I smiled. He smiled back. His smile and even his eyes weren't cold. "You have smiled in years?", I said, "Yeah?" We both laughed. "You have smiled in years too... that baby-like smile." He kissed my forehead and then cheeks. I held his head close to my face. His black eyes... dark black eyes... was like two dark corridors... I searched a light , a gleam , even a flickering gleam... but I heard a voice coming from those dark corridors , a whisper "I love you... Don't... don't be so cold...away from me..." And I shut my eyes tightly. The coldness... the dark corridor... the voices... no I'll be fine... I'll be fine... I clutched his hand tightly. 

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