Thursday, December 31, 2009

P.S. – Who cares!





On 31st night … when everybody is celebrating … when phone lines are busy … when a flood comes of sms… Jeanie is sitting alone on the terrace with her vine and cakes and guitar … she looked at the Full Moon … how beautiful he looks but he is alone too… (she laughs … but her eyes can not deceive her heart … a tear falls… ) Jeanie plays her favorite song – puri umra hum mar mar ke jee diye , ek pal to ab hame jeene do .. je lene do…ohhooo … Gimme sunshine , gimme some rain , gimme another chance I wanna grow up once again..

Jeanie is silent… not peaceful … but she loves being alone and doing what she likes .. this should be her best 31st… but no she feels as if something is missing.. and what’s that?
Friends !!!! those who love her and she loves… she is missing them terribly… She wanted to spend this night with someone special…

She sips her coffee… its almost 1.am … but she is not feeling sleepy… she thinks about Vish.. she picks up her mobile.. no Msg , no Miss call… She won’t initiate.. not because of pride or ego but because she is afraid.. afraid of spoiling everything… what if everything went wrong? What is she spoils his mood or he spoils hers? No… better be alone. Yeah! … and what about Casper?? Ohh he would be with his friends.. now its too late.. I should stay out of his life… well what about others?? Ohh… who others?? They all are celebrating this day.. I should better be content with what I have .. this beautiful night , precious moon , vine , guitar.. and Myself..!!!! She plays another song – Hello .. is it me you are looking for..!!! And then another one - My heart goes on…and last one – Keep Smile ..!!!

Suddenly her phone rings.. (an unknown number) … With one ring she decided not to pick up and with another ring she thinks lets see who is this… but with another ring she doesn’t feel the enthusiasm to be ready for something new and unknown… at last she says to herself- “F*** the world ! Who cares about next!! Lets see what’s coming my way”… In the last ring she picks up the phone and says – “hello !” … the voice replies – “hiiieee Jeanie !” .. Jeanie doesn’t recognize the voice so she raises her tone and asks - “Who is this?” The voice replies – “any guess?” .. Jeanie shouts – “ohh my God.. Michel ! Where r u ?” “Ohh..I mean How are you?” …
“Jeanie I am in your city right now and I am very excited…”
“Excited??”
“Oh you asked me how I am right? So I am very excited because in 1 hour I am going to meet you??”
“Wait! What ? meet me?? Where?and why?”
“At your apartment! And Jeanie you ask so many questions.”
“Be ready ! I am coming there in one hour .”(he hangs up the phone)

Jeanie is puzzled. What? How? Why?? Ohh you didn’t get these questions right? – well What was this? How this happened?? Why …… tonight?? Why it happens with me?? And Michel my old buddy with whom I thought I would fall in love … we had tried open relationship … we had tried live – in relationship… (Jeanie laughs). but in a week when he stayed at my apartment we both realized that we are not compatible.... and now.. what is he doing in my life and that too tonight?? Seriously when you lose hope for any surprise its when you really get a surprise. Jeanie is surprised but she is happy too … at least something new was happening in her life.
She gets ready and wears her favorite frock… but before that she cleans her home… and with bright lights she burns the fragrant candles too. She is not thinking anything which is not veg ….so keep your wild imaginations in control :P

… ( A hard knock on the door … Michel’s old habit! Huh! ) Jeanie opens the door… Michel comes in with some fresh flowers... Jeanie blushes.. she knows these are for her so she looks at them with greedy smile.. But Michel bluntly says – “Sorry darling these are not for you”… and as he goes in the bedroom he puts them in the vase near bed and says – “these are for this lovely room where I spent my most precious hours…oh Jeanie I miss you a lot” He hugs her… she too smiles… and thinks ( he hasn’t changed.. the same old “Mr. Who cares!” … )

Its 3 am … both are watching the romantic movie , eating wafers , sipping coffee, and teasing each other… and the time was flying… they didn’t realize its already The dawn of New Year.
The movie was finished… and Michel said Jeanie – “lets have a view of sunrise”… so they both made another cup of coffee and went to upstairs… there they welcomed the
Sun… The New Year’s sun …. !!! Michel was holding Jeanie in his arms.. “its such a beautiful morning…isn’t it Jeanie?” Jeanie said nothing … she thought “yes its pretty beautiful .. but it wouldn’t be beautiful without Michel… !!! Its strange yet its true that sometimes we should not restrict ourselves …and let things go and find their own way…”

6.30am and both Jeanie and Michel are fast asleep in the bed. What ? Why? … What Michel actually wanted?? Why he came last night?? Oh Who cares!! They both had a lovely night and cozy morning… they both looked for a beautiful bond… so who cares about the name of the relationship? They two understand this and its enough for them …. !!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"the story of your eyes..."




A song for you :)




Let me read "the story of your eyes",
Let me read your heart,
I know I don’t understand you now,
But I want to and don’t know how?

Let me drown into you,
Let me wipe off the scars and fears,
I know I hurt you a lot,
May be because I am afraid or confused,
Or I am selfish (as you said)
But you know , don’t you? That I am mad.

Let me not think beyond this point,
Let me have some good memories –
Dusk of sharing,

Night of love,
And dawn with His white Dove,
I know this scheme is not funny,
But I really want to spend some time (with you) honey.

Let me sit beside you with hand in hand,
Let me watch this tempestuous calm sea,
Let me dance with you in rain,
Let me have some wild fantasy
I know and I have heard – "Life is not easy",
But don’t we like adventures and being frizzy?

Let us explore the world and ourselves,
Let us take a new birth each moment,
I know and I have heard – "Everything is possible",
Then let us enjoy !! who cares if we are not compatible.


A funny incident !


The most funniest thing of the end of the year---

We are “home alone”!!!…celebrating , enjoying n doing everything which can’t be done in mom dad’s presence . Well but I am the eldest one at home so I have to cook too. Today I had to cook only for my granddad so I made only chapatti and vegetable. Actually I would admit that I am not a good cook I have just learnt cooking by chance . … well what happened is – that I covered the bowl of vegetable by plate and I was doing some other work. I let that vegetable burn on the gas ….. and the result was – it was burnt !!!! But I didn’t lose my hope… I took out some vegetable which was on the top and didn’t burn … and served it to my granddad … the moment was very difficult for me as I had to hide my anxiety and show as if nothing is wrong with the vegetable. Well I was really very much afraid – firstly, because of this incident vegetable had become less in quantity and secondly , because my granddad is very particular about food.. he can point out any missing thing in the food and never forgets to remark upon our mistakes – and today I had done no small mistake… God please help me!!! I avoided every glance of granddad.


He was eating … and I couldn’t concentrate on tv… suddenly granddad said – “ Aaj sabji achhi bani hai… “ And I was like – “kya?” He again said “aaj sabji achhi banhi hai” And I was blank. For a moment I couldn’t understand whether he was taunting or really appreciating me because till today I haven’t heard any “Praise Words” from his mouth…(it was a miracle!)… then I couldn’t say a word… and the first think I wanted to do was to call my sister and laugh out loud…. Lolzz…!!!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Will you love me....?




I may not be the brightest star,


Or a rarest gem,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




What is life n what is love?


I don't know these names,


I am none n I am zero in this game,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




Call me sunshine , call me a silly dame,


Or call me with any name,


But my love!


Will you love me for what I am?




I am ripped apart into two,


One is me , one is you,


But I haven't lost my track, am still sane,


Will you love me for what I am?


Say my love, say once in my name,


Will you love me for what I am?




Love me...


for...


what I am...




Because I may not be the brightest star,


Or the rarest gem,


But I am what I am.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Love


(Today , I watched “The Reader” , I cried ; not for the movie because nothing made us cry except something which lies inside us, I don’t exactly have words which could define what I am feeling now but I can say I am deeply touched . And pardon me for I am going to write my views , which are very personal , on a very delicate topic, and if you are not agree with this, I would respect your disagreement too.)

I don’t know about every person but there are few people … people who have a secret space in their hearts . A space where no one entered before and no one is known to it. This secret chamber is never closed for the person himself and he can always feel its air.

We ask what is love? For me, Love is the eyes which have seen this chamber of the beloved, the heart which knows its darkness , the breathe which is blended in its air … And the Lover is – one who is standing at its door , one who knows the person as well as his secret chamber.

And I believe , only those people can feel love who possess this secret chamber within them.

Do you understand this? If you do , then you will know , Love can not be defined , Love can not be bounded , Love has no name , Love is like air you can only feel it… and if you try to make out its structure , you will waste your life.

- Love,

Monday, December 21, 2009

P.S. - Something Unspoken


Hey Vish how are you?
I am great darling . How about you?
I am good.
What’s up?
Nothing . I was just having a little booze party with my best friend.
Who? Shanky?
Yeah ! Who else could be?
Wao !
What’s wao in this?
No , I mean its good you are with Shanky. Now you will introduce me to him. Right!
Shut up!
Please Vish … let me once speak to him.. I like him.
Why ? What have you seen in him ?
Nothing , just his name is nice and I think he would not be lunatic like you…
What? Lunatic ! Oh ! Great… listen Jeanie don’t take his name otherwise …
What otherwise? Common you are a friend and you behave as if I am your girlfriend.
… ok Fine! Go … talk to him.
No… leave it now!
( After a brief pause)
Jeanie!
Yeah!
……… ( A long silence creeps in)
Say Vish!
Nothing.
Vish! I want to tell you something. I made a blunder.
What Jeanie?
Vish … I got involved in s** with somebody …. Someone who is married… ohh… but not physically it was something … mental s**… I don’t know how to explain everything..
You don’t need to explain anything.
I know .. I know Vish now you will hate me… I am just a …
Shut up! I don’t hate you Jeanie.. I can not… I tried to hate you … but I can not… I don’t know the reason…..
{Jeanie sobs fervently}
Why I am like this Vish? Why?
Because you are an angel… you remember Jeanie that dream of angel who was crying too?
Yeah Vish.
Jeanie angels are meant to be suffered… not because of their sins… but because of other’s sins … those whom they love . So Jeanie my baby you are innocent.
No I know I am not… I am convinced in my heart that I am terribly wrong.
Ohhoo …. Jeanie ! Look … hey baby! Just see yourself from my eyes… then probably you will realize your worth. Have you heard that quote – You may be nothing for this world but for someone you are the whole world.
Hmm… Vish!
Jeanie!
Vish!
Jeanie…(I love you)
What did you say?
I have said it.
Please repeat.
Miss you dear!
Miss you too Vish! And thank you.
Keep your “thank you” with yourself little goose!
You moron.
Get lost !
You get lost!
Gimme a kiss na.
Go to hell… ( Both laugh)
Bye
Bye Vish!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ode to Tranquility


The road on which I walk
Say - Stop ,stop! to my wandering thoughts,
And demand again - Look at me! with tranquil pose.
I do look and wonder
Oh! why did i never look before?
What a scene! Oh! look at this rose.

Lush green trees and velvety grass,
Sun is down too and wind blows fast
Lets sit here and bunk the class.
Why! my stray thoughts need a break,
And I need a healthy space.
Why not I bask in the sun and feel the grass?

Ah! what tranquility my mind feels,
And like some soft balm
It cures me and heals
I cry not - not a tear falls
In fact a smile plays on my lips
I talk to myself and deal.

Now all my problems have been solved,
My mind is calm again,
Almost without any thought.
Goodbye! friendly trees
Goodbye! sweet sun and breeze
Now I walk again on that road
As my tranquility is again restored.



Butterfly



I am perhaps like a butterfly
Not in beauty
But in nature
Who is never satisfy.

One flower is not enough,
Beauty enchants me,
And I like to fly.

I like to explore,
That is why,
I wander from one to another door.

And its not I fed up easily,
Or my love fades away soon,
But I am like that night,
Which always loves its moon.

My heart wears color like a butterfly,
Each flower adds different shade,
And it shines like a starry sky.


I am perhaps like a butterfly
Not in beauty
But in nature
Who is never satisfy.




P.S. - Vish and Jeanie (A strange friendship)

Hiee Jeanie
Hello Vish! How do you do?
I am ok.
Just ok? Why what happened?
Nothing … as such… I am fine.
No , you are not . Tell me what happened?
Oh Jeanie! …I … I watched a strange dream today.
Oh Dream? What was that Vish?
Jeanie .. I saw myself as a poor little boy who is very sad deep in his heart but he doesn’t tell anybody. He was sad because he had no one to play with…. One day he was lingering outside his house… and suddenly rain started … he thought he heard someone crying …he looked here and there and then he looked up … and he saw a beautiful angel who was crying.. he couldn’t stop himself from asking her what happened… before she could reply her mother angel called her up and she went away without looking at him….
This was the dream. I didn’t see further. But when I woke up something more strange happened. As I went to open the window I found it was raining outside.. for a moment I felt the presence of that angel… Jeanie I can not forget her… It sounds stupid but I … I am worried about her … Jeanie…..
Ohh Vish! You are such a … a darling! .. a sweetheart!…. You are really a little boy ….
But Jeanie what does my dream mean?
This wasn’t a dream.
What? Then what was it?
This was a truth hidden under the veil of fantasy.
What truth?
That you are lonely. That you need someone.
Hmm… may be.
You know what few days back even I saw a strange dream.
Really? And what did you see ?
I saw myself as an angel…. An angel who is crying … because someone has broken her wings… Even I saw the rain …. But it was not water … it was not tears … it was… it was blood Vish.. the dream was horrible… I didn’t see the end.. but when I woke up I felt so low as if someone has died.
Hey Jeanie!
Vish you know what? Earlier I used to call myself an angel … I was so dumb that I used to write Angel on my hand. But after I saw this dream … I felt that this angel has died inside me… That innocent angel no more resides in me….
Shut up! You are an angel. Believe me! You are …
Hey Vish! You are such a nice friend but you don’t need to do this. I am fine.
Hmm…. And what if I want to give you a hug?
I would say – Vish! I need your warm arms around me… hold me fast.
Oh Jeanie! …. (Vish hugs Jeanie tightly.)…. (Jeanie kissed Vish on his cheeks.)
I want some peace Parker…. I want to die…
shh shut up! You silly goose.
You moron.
Get lost.
You get lost..
(both laugh….)
Vish I am happy to meet you. You are a great friend.
Hmm… I know.
Take care and goodbye.
You too.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Weep no more ...

O weep no more , weep no more!
You have lost nothing-
Not which was ever yours
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , no more my dear!

Weep no more!
Because you aren't alone,
You have a power that meets none,
Time and Nature heals everything
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , no more my dear!

Weep no more,
Because you have been cheated
Or you have lost a dear one,
Some leaves you , some fills every gap,
You own nothing - nothing in this world
Then why this fear?
For whom this tear?
O weep no more , weep no more my dear!


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

One more Christmas !




I am going to see one more Christmas of my life. I will be alone. I don’t regret it. But I miss somebody. People who don’t belong to this earth. Those who are preciously and secretly kept in your heart and memory. The pictures of those days float in my mind… I can see myself as a young pretty woman who is very excited as Christmas is coming. She is excited to meet her family whom she has not seen for whole year. She would buy presents for all those near and dears. She has learnt a new recipe for cake also. But suddenly a picture pops in – a little girl appears… wearing a pretty frock and laces with a cute red cap… what an earthly angel she is!… before Christmas night when she is about to sleep.. she looks out of her window secretly … search for the moon… her mind starts running as what to think .. how to imagine… how to make this night wonderful … yeah! She got an idea… first she looks at the sky…night is lovely it has covered all the worries and sins of the evil world…the stars look enchanting ….they are the eyes of the sky …but where is Santa Clause? And his gifts?? Where are the angels? Are they not celebrating the Christmas?... she closes her eyes.. and imagines Santa Clause and angels in the sky… a party is going up above in the sky.. wow!!!

I have not changed from that little girl . I will again celebrate myself and make this day as wonderful as I can . I am cheerful, happy, gay , merry .. oh! did I say merry? Well I meant Merry Christmas to all of you J And yeah God and angels are looking at you … your words will be heard on this day so speak carefully about your future you never know you curse life and it may give you lesser next time. So be merry and eat cherry !! lolzz.. a stupid phrase!
Merry Christmas !

Friday, December 4, 2009

Random thoughts ....

This world is a madhouse , isn't it?
I tell you about a girl's experience. There is a girl who at one time spoke with different men , of different age , of different location , of different fields. And while she spoke with everyone she opened her heart and showed her real self. Everyone was charmed by her beautiful and sweet heart so they also opened their heart to some extents. After a short period , she saw that everyone was utter lonely in their hearts and they all needed only one thing Love which has different synonymns like - comfort , healing, care etc... But their approach was different from one another. Everyone of them wanted to fulfill their biological needs and they covered it under the goodly shield of love. While no one actually loved her , they only appreciated and liked her. Even the girl didn't love anyone. She wanted love together with sex but she thought thinking about sex is a sin. Slowly she realised that everyone thinks about sex and perhaps when they say they want love , they actually need your body. She realised that its difficult to separate these two things . It was her predicament but I think this is a problem with most of us that we want to open ourselves but we don't have enough guts . ..... Can't we try to see both Love and Sex as different things rather mingling them. When we look for love we are over powered by sexual feelings and when we want to have some sexual pleasure we try to hide our feeling under the name of love.
When everybody knows what other wants why we hide our emotions? Is it because of guilt feelings or is it because of long deep rooted "sanskara"? What's this? Thinking about all this paradoxes of life I really feel that I am living in a madhouse.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Diary –




27.11.2009
8.00 am

Life is slow here…so slow that you can stop for a moment and hear your heartbeats… so slow that you can even visualize your past , present and future… but sorry I am not at all interested in this scale of time …I want to meet time without its limitations… I want to feel the vastness of each second as it passes….

Right now I am on the terrace … my back is towards the morning’s sun and I am looking at my old school …. Between my house and my school we have a little pond sort of thing … And I am looking into it… the water is shallow…I hear the chirping of birds… I look up… the sky is full of small birds… Its pretty morning!

I have just filled up two bowls with water for birds… I dunno whether they will drink from it or no but I have done my duty… oh ! nooo again I am being philosophical॥ I hate my this mood। :)
….. Time is still … not its not I am aware.. its only my illusion but its nice to feel that time is still… have you ever felt this way?? Have you ever heard a bird’s song? Do you know what does she sing about? And what that tree in front of you is thinking about? May be that tree is smiling at you? Have you ever talked to a tree , thinking that he might be listening it? Llolzz… you must be thinking that I have gone mad. But no I am missing emptiness which I felt at my PG. Sometimes I felt there that time has stopped and I am left with nothing alive in this world. I had no one to talk to and someone said to me that loneliness is worst the disease . And I have experienced it. When nobody was there to listen to me I made two friends – one is Ashoka tree… I would call him Ashoka… I would shake my hand with its branch …. :0 .. missing him too much. Sometimes you are attached with things and you only realize it when you are away from them.

Right now I am looking at the shadow of bushes in the water… I love it so much! Once I thought I would make a house near lake or stream where I will listen to the sound of water… watch splendid views… the sunset and moon’s shadow in the water….
Oh my God! I wish we would have to live only to appreciate the beauty of nature and your artistic works :) ….

Thank you God for many many things :)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Fairy Tale


“Brother , give me the romote”, shouted Mary in her brother’s ears and he shouted back , “Go to the another tv।” She replied that the channel she wanted to watch is not coming in that tv. Her brother didn’t bother to reply . Mary again pleaded, “ Brother please let me watch my movie.” Her brother , William asked , “Which movie?” Mary replied , “Ella Enchanted”. “Oh ! you and your stupid fairy tales ... go away with them.” said brother. Mary had a tear in her eyes . She said nothing and went away.


Mary was a soft - hearted girl. It was really not her fault that she believed in all these "stupid fairy tales". When her classmates would date with their boyfriends she would busy herself in her own world, she goes up to the terrace , watch the moon and the stars and imagines about a different kind of universe - she had her own magic world in which she believed immensly. Mary's brother didn't let her watch her story's end. Poor Mary! she felt terribly bad. As she went upstairs she stopped for a moment , closed her eyes , took a deep breath and said to herself firmly and loudly - 'Don't worry Mary ... you will have a beautiful end of your fary tale.'


Mary cried a lot that night . She wished there was a hole in the world from which she escape and be a part of vast universe. Oh! her imaginations of different world are terrific. Mary didn't realise when did she fell asleep. But when she opened her eyes it was early dawn. Sun was still behind those serene hills. She went outside on the terrace. It was a little chill today. The pole star and the moon were still visible in the sky. The whole atmosphere was calm and heavenly. Mary was enchanted for a moment, she felt as if she was in another world. She closed her eyes and a vision popped-up in her mind - she was standing on the top of hill... and she was in the most beautiful attire . She was looking at the hill from where sun was going to show up. Down the hill , there was a large river... and the sound of water was alluring. The whole view was so splendid that it did some magic over her. It all happened in few moments. And after this she saw the bright red sun was up on the hill. The morning's sun's rays are always dim and soothing but today its rays were so strong that it blinded Mary for some moment.And in those few moments she had another vision - A prince was looking into her eyes. He was strong , tall and had preety large black eyes.... and ... "Mary .... Mary ..... Mary... " Someone shouted and Mary turned back. "What the hell you are doing outside so early hmm? ... You would become an ince-cream... its so chill out here...come inside." Mary followed her brother quietly. As she was about to enter her home she once again looked at the star and the moon and then at the bright sun. It was a divine experience. She felt a power within her. It spoke to her and said - there is certainly everything which you believe in Mary. If you believe in fairy world... the gates of it are open for you , if someone only believe in what he sees he would never be able to see beyond it. Mary smiled and gave a slap on her head and said to herself - "I am so stupid." The voice spoke again - "There is no harm in little stupidity, is there?" .....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Our fevicol Bond

Its about me and my best friend. She wrote this in her blog so I thought why not display it on my blog too. So here it is -
http://sheenagupta.blogspot.com/2009/11/ojasimah-best-frnd-hi-guys.html#comments

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Opinion

Yesterday me and my sister discussed 3 hours about some topic and the topic was - What affects our life Destiny or Free will? Our life is ruled by our destiny or our own actions?
Her view was that everything happens because of our destiny. Our destiny is already written and no one can change it . Wahi hoga jo hona hai . Our destiny is pre-decided. Then she added free will works where we talk of our behaviour. Its up to us how we behave at certain moment and it affects us somewhere. She believes in - Leni deni ... jisse leni deni likhi hoti hai ussi se hamara rishta judta hai. She believes in past life's karma which affects us in our present life. In conclusion , she means that whatever we do its because it is written in our destiny and we are helpless in a way.
While my point was that destiny is certainly there but for example we are given two choices for two destinies and now its our decision which decides our destiny. At some moments in our life our decision changes our destiny. Or I said that whatever is written in our destiny we can certainly fight with it and change it with our will. But she says that if we fight and reach to our goal its again because of our destiny.
So now after 3 hours discussion we reached no where . I heard her but her opinion didnt change mine now I would like to listen your opinions. It might help to draw some conclusion or clear some confusions.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Wrestling with my Soul


I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.

They said once,
“She is not for this world”
And my soul went away
She left my adobe,
My misanthropy world,
My guilt-ridden heart,
My mortal body.

And now she lives in
Fanciful forests,
She drinks from
Eternal brook,
I look!
I envy!
I too pine for such ecstasy.

So,
Here again,
I am …
Wrestling with my soul
Trying to coax her,
Catch her,
Bring her back,
Lock her behind the bars.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Healing

Healing

I am crushed ,down and broken. What do I do now? Where to go ? Whom to ask? I live in Mumbai and here if you want to find answers go to the “mother sea” . She is vast , deep , infinite ,healer, mystic and like.

So, I have come to the “mother sea” to get healed. As soon as I saw people with their families, kins , friends , lovers I suddenly felt a tide in my heart. .. and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I did not stop myself… I cried my heart out… after all it is the first step of Healing .

I am calmed down and looking at the sea. How wonderful it is! My mind starts reflecting the whole thing again. I am a “loser” or perhaps I am the most insignificant thing in this world. I have lost my boy friend (Why the hell did I believe him when he said he loved me?) I have lost my best friend , I have nobody ‘special’ in my life or rather I am not special in anybody’s life. So , I decided to break off from everyone because I really am not in mood to commit suicide nor do I want to feel insignificant anymore.

One question pop-up in my mind now which always terrified me – “Who will cry when I will die?” Earlier my immature heart imagined that at least my close ones would grieve my loss but now … well I think I will leave no one behind me who will seriously miss me. And believe me this gives a sense of freedom – though strange freedom it is!

Look at this ocean! It is so mysterious. It seems like a thousand year old monk. It carries eternal wisdom and deep knowledge. How it would have become such a vast ocean? Certainly it is no one day miracle. The sea must have suffered a lot , endured a lot to become what it is now. Even nature suffers then are our sufferings unnatural?

The ocean , in the middle , seems to be very still but it is constantly moving. So, the mother sea teaches to “move on”. But my heart asked , “Does it mean to leave all relations (and troublesome things) behind and move on?” And a motherly voice replied back , “It simply means to Forget and Forgive , Accept whatever comes to your way and move on.” And then my heart said to me , Listen ! how the breaking waves create sweet melody. It teaches that even breaking means producing a soft sound. So enjoy the music because remember the waves again go back and come forth with same vitality –this is called “ to live” … crushed , broken and still do not cease to sing.

After the sunset , it has grown dark . I can not see people’s faces and nor they can see mine , so it means I can express my anguish , can cry loudly but no I don’t want to cry anymore , it seems the “mother sea” has soaked all my tears. My heart is light. And as I walk on the busy streets , my heart is again pulsating with happy beats – I call them “Mumbai beats”.

Sand !!!


It is not worthy in your eyes I know --- but these occurred in my heart once and thus they carry my heart’s one portion with them …..

To,
Unknown to me yet!

You were nothing
But
Little grains of sand
In my hand
And As I tried to clutch you tightly
I started to lose you slowly
You slipped from my hands.

With you it seemed
Whole ocean was in my hand
Now!
I see myself scattered on the sand.

Yours only,
------

Monday, October 19, 2009

Inspiration from Gdad

My Gdad visited my blog for which I am really thankful to him. In one comment he said this line which I loved very much that is why I am writing it here .
--Anybody can do their best, but we are helped by the Spirit of God to do better than our best. CATHERINE BOOTH

Gdad , please keep inspiring us like this .

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Our Second Birth




Still it is like a dream …. I can not believe I had a terrible accident on 14th Oct. when we were going Udaipur by car. Our car hit the rock and turned upside down…. Oh my God!!! It was my first experience of car accident –but it was superb llolzz.. For a fraction of second I felt everything is going to end …I remembered my all friends and started wondering how they will react if they get to know that I am dead..llolzz.. But after 10 mins I was very normal … same easy going…clicking photos … cracking jokes at such a time Can’t help it ! And after some hours I just forgot everything that happened… All seemed like a bad dream! Whenever we think of that moment we realize that what could happen with us but Thanks to God we all are safe .It is just by God’s grace that me and my whole family is alive --- No doubt it is our Second Birth.
Jai Shree Krishna !

Friday, October 9, 2009

From her eyes

She could look straight into the sun’s eyes because she thought that she loved sun and trusted her so he won’t harm her, how stupid she was. From her eyes everything seems full of love , energy and life. She was my best friend so I knew her (at least I thought so) but my other classmates found her as mysterious as the pyramids of Egypt or as a Chirag of Aladin. Really! Sometimes even I found her very enigmatic. She seems like a labyrinth --- a dark , mysterious maze … you go into it … searching for something… but you are trapped .. you are lost…. She was like a puzzle … and I tried to solve it many times but I could only find two or three dark holes of this puzzle.

The dark side of Meera was too dark … and was totally unacceptable for me initially…I even started hating her. The dark side was – her heart’s one part which was convinced that she was doing something terribly wrong especially with her life and especially in relationship’s matters. How could one understand such cynicism but no she was convinced and kept punishing herself. At that time, I was too prejudiced and immature to understand what troubled her … I was inexperienced too as she used to say. I thought she was doing nothing “terribly” wrong , she was just another normal girl who made friends or boyfriends , did chatting , night – outs , picnics , one-night stand , dreamed to live in live-in relationship …and so on. What was wrong in that? Every girl of her age does such inane things. But she had a problem – she used to think a lot… about philosophy of life , about right and wrong , truth and false , karma and punarjanama … She said she was in search of something --- what was that thing? “Love”, she would say affectionately . She was into many relationships… all were not normal ,all did not end happily, few were really weird sort of --- but in all relationships two things were common – The true search of Love and no regret of past. Regret , I think , was surely somewhere in her heart but I don’t think they affected her for long time… her boon was she could easily forget her traumatic past , learn from it and move on in her life.

Yesterday I got a call from Meera . I suppose she had cried a lot before she called me because her sound was so composed and calm. After some formal baseless talk she told me abruptly that she has realized something. I asked her what was that? She said she was about to do a big mistake of her life but she is saved now. Her realization was that the man with whom she had open relationship doest not love her and is totally detached from her. She knew this but she didn’t realize it earlier and now suddenly something made her think about this. I thought she must be sad so I tried to console her but she was too excited and sort of happy as a child would have been to find answer of some difficult question. She sounded as if she has found some treasure. I asked her what made her happy in such unhappy situations? She said she has learned something from this - learned from what? A stupid relationship , a selfish man ?? She replied quietly , Anu , everything has its price. What I learned from him I had to give him something in return and so its not as bad , is it? She said in same smooth voice , “ Anu , I am afraid I am trying to go deep into love , finding different meanings of love , I might end up in destroying my life but I am happy Anu.” …. “ Anu , we all are seekers , some seek money , some power , some a balanced life , I seek love … Love is the only aim of my life . And Anu without risks , without falling , failing how can you think that someone can achieve something. And in love even pain teaches you a lot.” At this moment her voice choked… before she could speak another syllable my battery got low and phone was switched off . I slept well in the night without thinking about Anu but in the morning when I woke up with the rays of sun piercing through my eyes … my whole perception was changed , suddenly I was not irritated at sun rays , I was feeling them on my body … I was smiling … the sun seemed so lovely today… ohhh what’s happening with me?? … I was looking everything from Meera’s eyes ---- Its so full of love and only love.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Home-


Some words are like water in spoon while some contains whole ocean in them. Home is such a word – so vast and so deep is its meaning. When you look up in dictionary for this word , you will only find direct and exact meaning – ‘residence or native place’ but in literature as well as in life Home word has different connotations . Home , the word instantly gives the feelings of comfort , ease , warmth , affection ,care , love etc. etc.

What is a Home? Where is it found? One should better ask these questions to those who are living away from their homes. If we don’t talk about the general characteristics or significance of Home , like home made food … obviously its so delicious and yummy that one can not forget it even though if he lives on five start hotel’s food , but there is something more about Home. When I wander here and there , go for shopping , walk in parks and when I am on way to home – just the sight of my colony brings in homely feelings with it… I feel safer ,secure , happy . When you are with strangers , suddenly the sight of a friend gives you unknown happiness , you feel you are at home.

Home is certainly related to family so , I ask , What is a Family? Family is your parents , kids , siblings , blood relatives , love and friends . Whenever and wherever you are with them , its your home. Even those who are close to Nature they feel at home around nature.

By the way why I am writing about Home? Perhaps because tomorrow I am leaving for my home . Really what I had till 12th I did not realize it then but now I have learned , I have learned the value of Home . And now when I am here I try to value my new place , after all its my new Home . Isn’t it?

Sukh & Dukh



“…Sheetoshna Sukhdukheshu samah sangvivarjitah”

It is a sholka of Bhagwad Gita. It says God likes those people who are same in Ushna(hot whether) Sheetoshna ( Cold ) , Sukh (happiness) and Dukh (Dissappointments) . How true and meaningful it is , though I did not realize it earlier. I even used to wonder why to be equal in both sukh and dukh? Why it is necessary? Although it is good that you are calm and composed in your hard times but why not to be excited when you are really happy? The answer which I found to these questions was that being equal in both phases suggests that you are balanced in your life and this balance naturally brings peace with it.

Change is an essential quality of human life as well as nature’s. And learn to be composed in both your triumphs and failures suggest that you are aware of this change. Because it’s a cycle – you are happy today but remember tomorrow might not be your day. When some one is aware of this change he will neither be too excited nor two depressed , he knows this is only a phase and – It will pass. For me two words really help to be same in both situations , these are – Think and Wait .

Monday, October 5, 2009

Wake up Sid!


4.10.9

Wake up Sid !

Good morning to those whose eyes have been opened by this movie. Good morning to those who just woke up from a long slumber and realized what they have lost and what now they can achieve. Good morning to those who came to know what their dreams are and what will give them happiness. A very good morning to all of those who know what they are and not only their eyes but their heart has opened as well.

Today is Sunday and we celebrated it by watching Wake up Sid . I carefully used the word celebrated because that is what I really mean. I would like to thank Bollywood and Karan Johar for in last few months perhaps it was the only worthy movie to waste your money on.

There are two schools in literature both in Hindi as well as in English literature – one is “Art’s for Art’s sake” and other is “Art’s for Society’s sake”. Those who belonged to the first school they believed that Art’s only aim is to provide pleasure and it should be treated only as arts and nothing else. They were far from the reality of life and thus their literature was hollow . And those who belonged to the other school they believed that arts and literature has a purpose . They are made for human beings, not that human beings are made for them. So their literature was for society’s welfare and to show the absurd and harsh realities of life. When we see today’s cinema we can clearly notice the same classification. Some movies are made just to entertain , they give little to ponder upon and to worse , they are not even made artistically. While some movies throw a last long impression upon us. They teach us something , they inspire us in our life and we are touched by them. In Bollywood the ratio of such movies are unfortunately still less and the main reason of it is that we don’t have good original writers.

Coming back to the movie , I would like to say that yes it inspired me a lot . I was one who had little idea of what gave me pleasure and what is my dream , but now I know – I know what I would love to do my whole life. Besides this , I think the characters of the story were really something – something real – something original. And I must say both actors played their role very well and took out the character splendidly. The simplicity of actions and story is almost magical. You are really spellbound to see the simplicity of their love ; the most complex emotion in the universe. And secretly you dream of experiencing this magic yourself.

Sounds of Footsteps

29.9.9
Sounds of Footsteps

I hear footsteps at my door …
I wait…
I pray…
But no one comes in.

Two pairs of shoes
Slip inside the room
Forget to bolt the door
A touch shivers my body
I turn back
Thinking my prayers are heard at last
But – What! No one
Was it a dream then?

Again
The sounds of footsteps I hear
I fear…
Two pairs of shoes
Slip inside the room
Only to vanish again somewhere
I open my eyes with a sigh
But I don’t bolt the door…

I wait…
I pray…
They come
And go
But…
Still I hope
I believe
In the sounds of footsteps.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

P.S.

27.9.9
(Laying on a double-bed … both Casper and Jeanie are looking at the ceiling … both experiencing The Golden Silence between them… they should better call it Crazy Silence because sometimes they practice their crazy ideas like in silence they try to imagine what other is thinking about and later they share what they felt between some those crazy silent moments… )
Casper! Did you say anything?
No, you are just imagining things.
Oh.. yeah might be. (Again puts her energy on guessing what Casper might be thinking)
Hey Jeanie!
Yeah say!
Would you like to be … a … a mother??
Yeah of course ! I know it’s a painful job but its wonderful too and I want to experience it someday.
Jeanie!
Hmm..
Would you like to have a .. a baby from me?
What?...
(He says nothing… he can feel terror and excitement in his heart as well as in hers)
Are you crazy?? (Opposite to what he expected she laughs at this seemingly joke)
I am not kidding Jeanie ! I am serious.
Hmm the idea is good butut we are not married. (After a brief pause , she speaks in a low voice) Nor do I think we will get ever married in this life.
(But Casper ignores the pang in her voice and continues explaining his idea)
I want to see how our baby will grow up like? I am sure he/she will be as sweet as you are.
Shut up Casper! Don’t… please don’t talk nonsense.
This is not non sense. We both will watch him growing … growing as a … hmm.. as a humanitarian.. a philanthropist… a patriot …. I would like to see him conquering the world .
Casper ! … (speaks in a low and steady voice) The idea is great ! I would have loved to be the mother of your child… I wish it could be possible. But its not realistic you see…
(She tries to explain further but Casper intrudes her)
Its alright Jeanie! Don’t be panic. It was just an idea… a foolish idea… now please smile and forget about all this. We are happy without that too , aren’t we?
Hmm….(she places her head upon his chest…he strokes her hairs)
Casper! I would never be able to forget your stupid idea… ohh you have made me someone different… I can feel strange emotions stirring up in my heart. What are they Casper??
Darling! This is the divine emotion. An emotion which summons up the collective energy of Universe , the same energy which God used in creating human being. Its is inside you Jeanie , You are the creator … and its also somewhere inside me because I will help you in creating something.
Casper you are so wonderful!
You are my inspiration . (they both smile and he kisses her on forehead. They both wish each other Goodnight. )
(Jeanie is still awake while Casper is slept. She can still feel a strange power inside her . She was no more a lover, she wanted to experience motherhood. Yes she wanted to have a baby from him… from one who aroused such different emotions in her. But ….

Now she could no more feel that divine power because her mind has started working , giving logics. But before she closes her eyes she thinks that one day I will find some answer of this - But. She looks at Casper who was looking like a school boy ..free from worries .. dreaming about some fairy or angel or an object he would like to have. Oh he looks so perfect – angel-like … she kisses him on his lips and whispers goodnight)

P.S.

27.9.9

(Jeanie is talking to herself in a low and gloomy voice)
What am I doing??... I know the path is painful but still I am progressing on it… its going to cost me a lot… I have never suffered like this .. perhaps because I was the one who walked out of each relationship but this time… ohh… its even painful to think about this.. no I will stop talking to him… but its not a solution, is it?? Then what I am supposed to do… I can’t bear to see him marrying someone else…but why ? I don’t love him nor does he… is he more wiser and honest than me just because he knows what he wants and what he doesn’t … Am I so stupid to take everything so seriously? … Didn’t I know everything when it started? Know… but what?? .. that we are no match??? No, we are a match. Then what?… know that we are not in love? Yes I knew this and also that we can never be together because our worlds are very different… ohh… why do I think a lot but I don’t want to… I am not thinking … I think it is what they call in literature – Stream of Consciousness…

Ah ! whatever ! hmm… what I will do is…Yes! I will stop thinking about him in That Way. And yeah he is only a good friend .. a co-traveler … we have to part soon. May be I will meet someone else when he is married… May be I will soon learn to detach from someone (easily)… May be God has other plans… Yeah ! Who knows this suffering will bring something with it – like a new lesson – or a gift ? I am ready to experience it ! yeah but with some prudence . I won’t allow my heart to feel what it yearns to feel I will just feed my brain with what it wants. I will be practical.

……( I am relaxed! I am relaxed ! I want to sleep! I want to sleep! …. I am sleeping yes I am watching a dream .. its so beautiful … I am sleeping)….

Jeanie .. Jeanie.. wake up darling! Its already eight o’clock. Common get up. See I have made a delicious coffee and breakfast for you. Jeanie ! wake up baby … ( Casper starts kissing her still sleepy eyes then cheeks then he covers whole face with kisses… he whispers in her ears ohhh you sleep like an angel.. my angel! )
( While he is showering kisses , Jeanie is awake but does not want to break her dream which she is watching , which she watches often – a dream, which she always wanted to be a reality… in her dream she was now sitting with Casper in the backyard of their old beach house , sipping coffee and talking about philosophy, spirituality, psychology… the dream could still be true except one thing that they are not married… and she knows that her dream would never come true)

Jeanie opens her eyes , discreetly prays to God that everything be alright and then hugs Casper…





Just Believe!

Just Believe!

It is always hard to choose a title for webpage or even title for your posts. How do you decide it? Well when you read a title of someone’s page it makes a certain effect upon you… it also tells something about the person – his psychology and his intellect. When I chose this title for my blog – Just believe I was not sure whether I will keep it for a long time because at that time I could only come up with this two word phrase – short and sweet and magical too. Short and sweet is fine but what magic is to do with it?? Well These two words are really magical and I myself have experienced magic and then I realized how perfect they are for my blog. I said your page’s title shows your psychology and philosophy of life so it is true in my case. I am a believer! I believed in things – general or impossible both. I believe in miracles that’s why they happen to me. I believe in omens or hints given by god that’s why I am able to perceive them , I believe in the power of dreams and that’s why only I can relate them to my life. I believe in life that’s why life believes in me and makes me feel that each moment of it is very precious. I may be sounding as one of the Paulo’s novel’s heroine but it is a truth.

Believing is experiencing ! When you believe in something you can experience it. Take my case , Earlier I used to believe so much in my past life that everything that occurred to me in my present life I used to think that it is because of my ingenious past life and I was too depressed at that time I lived in hell because I believed that I am fit for nothing but hell. I suffered a lot because I believed that I did such hideous acts in my past life that now I will have to suffer and then…. With help of my sister and friends I came to realize that its nothing no hell- no past but just a creation of my mind and everything happened to me because I believed in it. And now I believe myself to be an angel.. a daughter of God . Wow… and my life has turned upside down. Now I am too optimistic and love myself and my life because I believe everything is good or rather everything is going to be good. J Just believe! And you will be able to see the miracles.

Just Being Happy …

Just Being Happy …

I was not well so I took holiday on 25th as well , along with three days holidays but you can imagine a life of a girl who is all packed in a small room with her philosophic and psychological novels and laptop ,which does not even has net connection, and no one to talk to or hang around with.. oh I am so sorry for myself. No I was sorry for myself but gradually I realized I should make most of the each moment , live it , enjoy it , by any means. I thought I had many reasons to be happy while few for being sad so I shall look for those reasons , find out them and be happy. I realized that I shall be grateful to God because I am living and that too in a good condition. But Loneliness is a devil it takes you towards darkness and force you to be unhappy , makes you frustrated and depressed. Now I know why people who are balanced they become depressed when they are lonely because human beings can not live in isolation they form groups and communities so they can share their hopes, fears, dreams, love and so on… Well what I was talking about is that whatever circumstances you face still you would have something to glad upon , to feel relief for something. It happens with me often that at the same time I am happy and gloomy. I don’t know why. I fight with sadness…and thanks to god that I always win and I am able to laugh at something or the other, be happy for some little reasons and feel grateful to be alive and to be able to understand The Language of the Universe and The Soul of the World.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

P.S.

Hey hiee hru? .. I am good.. ohh yeah I am little sad but its okay I feel good when I talk to you.. yeah its rather chill today soo… u slept well in the day?? Ohh so you were watching me whole night hmmm but I did not get your dream.. you should have come in my dreams I needed you…
(After listening for a while Casper intrudes…Jeanie startles)
Hey Jeanie! Baby ! With whom you are talking?
Oh! ..aahh.. ( little embarrassed) well I was talking to Larry. I often do that and he replies me back too..
Ohh okay so you mean to say that you talk to that star? ( he laughs loudly)
Shut up Casper! Don’t make my fun. Its not a joke . We really talk to each other.
Nonsense! Don’t talk crap.
(furiously) Oh Casper! You don’t believe me and you said you love me… I hate you!
Hey Jeanie…my darling ! Im sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. Okay I believe it! Now happy? So what’s his name? Larry?? Nice name. hmm..
What are you thinking?
Are you lonely?
What?
When I am not with you , you feel terrible… lonely?? Isn’t it?
Yeah… its true.
And when you are utter lonely you need to talk to someone.
Yeah!
And that is why you talk to star and imagine that he is also talking to you. Its all psychological my darling. I hope you understand me.
Oh is everything in the world an illusion? Larry … God… Nature… is everything an illusion? I wish this life would be an illusion… .
Hey.. Jeanie.. look! You love me .. don’t you?
Yeah! … I love you.
Then why do you feel lonely??? I am always there for you idiot. See… it shows you don’t confide in me… you have not given your complete self to me. Am I so bad Jeanie?
Noo.. no Casper. I really love you. But when you are far from me I feel miserable. I want you… terribly… lets be together ..Casper .. lets go somewhere far from this world..
Hmm…Okay… lets live as our ancestors lived… free from worries…(both smiles) ( he takes her in his arms)
I am serious Casper.
I am serious too. Lets take some risk ! Without risks life is really dull.
Where we are going??
To a wonderland.
(She kisses Casper …)
Tell me naa… where we will go?
Hmm… our bedroom! (she looks suspiciously..opens her mouth to say something) it would be more wonderful than wonderland .. believe me!
Ohh.. Shut up ! Casper you kid with me.. I really want to go somewhere…some beautiful place.
Baby ! I am not kidding.Okay We will go to New Zealand ! Is it fine with you?
(She gives him so many kisses then look into his eyes.. and speaks in a tender voice) I would love to go there. ( She whispers in his ears) Oh Casper! I love you! …
I love you too Jeanie!

Friday, September 18, 2009

foolish thoughts

You receive so many mails in a day that you hardly remember any later on. But one mail is haunting me since I have read that. Its so applied and so relevant so true that one can not forget it and would always apply in his situation. It was a mail like –

When you are a kid and student you have –
Time + Energy – Money

When you are working and youth you have –
Energy + Money – Time

When you are retired and old you have –
Money + Time – Energy

J

How true it is naa.. I always dream what if I had money??? I would do this , buy that , Go here , Talk to friends , would have given so many gifts to my parents and siblings .. ohmigod.. life would have been wonderful.. but when my reasonable mind starts working I realize that its of no use… when I will be earning I wont be having time and infact I don’t think so I can do any damn job except teaching llolz…. Well don’t laugh I am serious J No seriously when you see me you would perceive that I have virtues of being a good teacher. Well well I was just feeling that how miserable we all are but still we are living with some or other hope… Lets be positive! And yeah Just believe that everything will be right now matter initially how much it seems to go wrong. And yeah its not just bookish thing as you might say – kehna toh aasaan hota hai but jab khud per beetati hai tab pata chalta hai … so let me tell you I am going through all this and through writing down my feelings I seriously feel lighter. Because I think happiness is just an idea like beauty , its depend upon you to fetch it in your life and take everything in an easy manner. Just chill! Hope for the best as everything will be alright! J

My Dairy

16.9.9

Pata nahi mujhe kya ho gaya hai. Ek pal khush hoti hoon toh dusre pal hi aankhe chal chala jaati hain. Yeh kya ho raha hai? Kya mein sach mein khush hoon ya… pata nahi. Shayad mein apne dil ki baat accept nahi kar rahi hoon. Jab bhi khushi ke bare mein sochti hoon toh sabse pehle Casper(name changed ;) ) yaad aata hai. Usse baat karte waqt mein kitni khush rehti hoon. J well.. I know I am not in love but still there are some unknown feelings.Only God knows what is it.


Mujhey akela rehna bilkul nahi pasand.. kissey pasand hai?? Well… kabhi kabhi sochti hoon shaadi kar leti hoon saari tensions khatam ho jayengi.. saara kaam apne hubby se karaongi but …. Ohhh shaadi ke saath kitni jimmedariyan judi hain… abhi mein wo jimmedariyan nahi sambhal sakti. Phir kabhi sochti hoon.. kaash mein mar jaon .. meri taklifein toh khatam ho hi jayengi saath hi mom dad ke kitne saarey rupay bach jayenge. :0

Jo mujhe jaante hain wo kehte hain ki mein kitna sochti hoon aur mein unhe kehti hoon ki mein kya sochti hoon mujhey khud ko hi nahi pata chalta. Mujhey toh lagta hai mein bilkul soch hi nahi paati. Kal Shady ko wish kiya.. unse baat karke aacha laga. Duniya ke mahaan paaglon ko gina jaye toh unka naam top 10 mein toh aa hi jayega I am sure J well he is just another kiddo like me.. 22 saal ke ho gaye hain per abhi bhi apne aapko mujhse chota kehte hain… koi unki galat fehmi door karo pls J


Friendship ! --- Is it like always your best buddy or bosom friend would be your partner in all your adventures? No, sometimes we start expecting from our friends more than what our relationship offers. Obviously , he is not your caretaker or your partner in your sufferings and one need to understand this. So cheers ! let your friend be your good friend but make yourself your soul mate or best friend so that you need not look outside for inspiration or consolation. J

Hey ! what you do when you get bugged?? I write a diary J well I am getting terribly bugged so I think if I do not stop here I can write a whole diary book :D . So I stop here take care ! and see you!


My fav. story - 2




The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.
"There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be.

""One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.
""Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.
""Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
""Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.
""And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

"The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

My fav. stories - 1


A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.
So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.
We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.
Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.
This is one of the characteristic of love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

Personal Space

Casper , Why I am like this?
Because you are very sweet and helpless .. poor baby. {smiles}
No Casper.. you don't know me... I am ... I am very selfish.
hmm.. and what makes you think like this?
Oh Casper! we won't meet again.. I don't want to see you anymore.. I .. I can not bear this pain.. Casper.
Jeanie ! my darling ! am I giving youpain? Do you really want me to go away from you?
Oh no Casper! you don't understand me. Not at all. I dont want you to go anywhere . And yes you give me pain but its more sweeter than any pleasure. Believe me! Oh its too strange.
You are an angel. A craeture who doesn't belong to this earth .
No aim a human being ,too mean and selfish.
Come, come here, give me your hands I want to kiss them. ( he kisses her hands)
Hey Jeanie ! See what a splendid view it is , Sun over the horizon , crimson light, scattered clouds creating unique shapes .. ah ..a heavenly view ... isn't it?
Yes Its so beautiful! ( she becomes a little uneasy)
What happened Jeanie? Are you alright?
Yes I am.. I am alright.
No you are not. tell me what happened?
I don't like watching sunset like .. like this.. I mean .. evenings sometimes depress me.
(In a tender and firmer voice) Hey look into my eyes Jeanie.. what happened?
I am .. I am afraid.
Afraid of what?
Afraid of inevitable, afraid of unknown, afraid of myself.
Oh Jeanie come here..you need not to be afraid of anything. See here.. give me your arms.. hold me tightly. ( whispering in her ears) Come .. come .. into my heart. You are secure here.
(She silently listens and let her negative emotions go out)
(After the Golden silence)
I am okay now. Thank you Casper.
Your welcome Princess (both smiles and look tenderly and affectionately at each other)
(She suddenly bursts out into a laugh)
You look beautiful when you laugh.
hmm.. I know.
May God bless you.
God bless you too.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What if ???


I don't know I am in so & so mood and I really need to write something --- Believe me I don't know what I am writing or why? But I just want it to write... I think its a confession or probably its a serene reflection or dunno... I want to be in church , kneeling before God , repeating my prayers - God please gimme peace.. please gimme peace.. . I want to talk to Father , I want to feel his filial touch....
In a confession box - Im thinking all this but not able to confess --
What if I would have succeeded in committing sucide ?
What if He would have not come at the right time in my life ? - Oh I am thankful of that Angel who came and saved me.. and then silently went away...
What if .... I were not as I am now? I am so changed...
Why I am always seeking something?? What if I never get it in my life?
What if all my fears are true and I will have to lead an obscure life?
Noo..... I should not think like this. Its not the right way. I have to be normal in order to live a normal life. But I really don't want to lead a normal life. I love my fears , my thoughts , my failures , my happiness, I love myself and love to talk to myself. Whatever! I think I am out of senses.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Lets Discuss -

Lets have a discussion!!!

As I am lucky to have adequate time for myself and between studies and important works I get ample of time to think . So I got this weird thought and I decided to post it on my blog to get more interesting views of people on it. Please who-so-ever visits my blog ; specially those few friends who have been very kind to me and encouraged me alot over my stupid thoughts ; contribute your ideas and thoughts.

Now-a-days most countries support the practise of monogamy but earlier we had the system of polygamy and it was legalised too. What will happen if in today's world or in india polygamy becomes a frequent practise and it becomes lawful? For instance , you marry two persons and live with one with your wish and you can also spend quality of good time other. Wow! Isn't it a weird idea but however I find it very cool llolzz.!!! well Isn't it better than having an extra-marital affair? Well all this stupidity aside , tell me what imporovements do you think are most requsite for our matrimonial system and what do you think in future it will be like , as so many changes have occured in marriage system in last few years both socially and legally.

Well for marriage and relationship I believe in these lines -
Na umra ki seema ho,
Na janma ka ho bandhan ,
Jab pyar kare koi ,
Toh dekhe keval man..... :)

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JLT

I WISH I could listen to what you had to say.